Tough question to ask, but here goes...

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My ds was just dx a few weeks ago. I have known something was going on since he was about a year old. The only way I could describe him at the time was weird. I used to say, only to 1 or 2 REALLY clsoe friends, "Remember the weird boy you went to school with? Well, that was someone's child. And now that is my child."

I don't describe him like that anymore. He is who he is, and he should be able to go with that. I do try to quell some of his constant worrying and taking things so much to heart. Btw, he is 7.

The tough question I wanted to ask is when I see some of these kids on the news that have shot the whole family, and done all these crazy things...these kids do not have Aspergers, do they? What about the Columbine kids?

Those questions sound horrible. I am not trying to be rude, I just want to know.

Okay as far as I know no school shooters have been aspies, but I felt multiple times throughout high school that I wasn't going to make it through (either I would do something stupid like that or kill myself) as such I am often times more sympathetic to kids that do things like that (I've even wrote Cody Posey and Andy Williams, look up there names if you dont know who they are, and looking for more people like that to write.)

If you worried about DS becoming that way I have a few suggestions, first always give him the love and support he needs (even/especcially if more then someone his age normally needs, note that doesnt mean smother him), second listen to his needs, so many times (with myself included) parents dont want to listen to the problems there kids are having in school where there getting picked on and picked on as they think schools that way for everyone (when in actuality it can be alot worse for an aspie), third going along with this try to get him some social skills training (note this doesnt not mean a cure, if you try to do this with a place and if you ever see/hear the word cure do not go to that place!) the best form this can take is just getting him some NT friends who he can imitate (not that aspie friends arent cool too there not not as imitatable as they have there own social problems...), lastly and probably most argumentable is get him involved in a martial art (if you live in a big city you probably can find a guy that knows something about asperger's/autism and can help teach him), while I never did this and yes its risky to give your kid another weapon if you dont know he "weild it properly", Ive heard great things about kids with AS that were involved in the martial arts and it can help him release any pent up energy while using it correctly to get rid of anyone who picks on him. Oh and one last subthing sorta unrelated sorta not, if you havent already told him tell him ASAP (or in other words when you think he will be able to understand which will probably be alot sooner then you think), theres nothing worse in the world then not understanding why your different.
Bryan

PS In case you didnt know I am the UOPHA so feel free to message me sometime on any of my accounts :points below: if you can .

We had a member here on WrongPlanet down in Orange County, California, who about six months ago shot two of his neighbors and then himself. His name was William Freund. The Columbine kids were not diagnosed, but it's possible they were on the spectrum, given their behavior.

However, Freund was unstable in many ways, and his medication was almost certainly screwed up, either because he wasn't taking what he was supposed to, or because what he was prescribed wasn't working properly. One of the medications he was on has been known to cause serious psychotic side effects. He didn't murder because he was an aspie.

The lesson to be learned from Freund, I believe, is to avoid medicating unless it's really necessary, and if you do, watch the doctors and keep on their backs about making sure the stuff is doing what it's supposed to. The doctors downplay the effects--both short and long-term--of the drugs they prescribe aspies. Don't be fooled. Many of these drugs are strong, mind-altering stimulants, SSRIs, etc. They can make a sane person insane if used improperly, and busy doctors and psychiatrists too often brush off bad indicators reported by the people closest to a child as "mother freaking out again" or whatnot.

Don't take their word for it. Follow your instincts, and make those mental health professionals do their jobs properly. They're scientists in a murky area of treatment, not God--no matter what they tell you or where their degree is from.

I do not think that AS in and of itself would cause a person to go on a rampage. I think thought that the auxillary issues of anxiety and depression could if left untreated or treated improperly.

School children can be very mean people and can push someone to the brink. It does not seem if the administration cares and actually encourages the bully type behavior. As an adult, if you put up with that at work for 12 years, I bet you would snap too (in fact, I would think that NTs would snap).

I would recommend keeping open communcations lines with your child and letting your child know that no matter what, you will always be on their side and take their concerns seriously.

I would also recommend against telling a child that school does not matter and is a small thing in life. At their age, school is their life and to marginalize is as such is more hurtful than helpful.

Endersdragon says listen - that's very, very important. As an NT, I didn't really know how to listen at first. It was also hard to ask the right questions. My son is very verbal and uses the professor style speech you sometimes read about with this condition so I assumed he was communicating well. In hindsight, he may know the words, but he doesn't really know what they mean and he wasn't truly communicating well.

Start a journal to note when things happen - when does he eat, when does he have tantrums or any other issues that may not seem like a pattern until you write them down. We discovered our son needed some decompression time after school. He was completely unable to play with his friend or do anything after school so we discovered that, practically enforced cartoon time after school and then let him go play. It worked very well and saved a friendship.

Even at a young age stress is very present. Journaling will help you discover what stresses him. My son hates being wet (loves getting wet though) and is very sensitive to sensory overload like in classrooms and grocery stores. The stress creates hyperactivity, tantrums and meltdowns. It can also create depression, anger and violent outbursts.

Explain everything. Teach everything, do not expect him to know. I still catch myself assuming he should just know by now and that assumption stresses him.

Watch the medicine - our boy was initially dx'd with ADHD and prescribed a Ritalin type drug. Eventually, that stopped working. So, they increased the prescription and we began to notice aggression. I believe, just from watching my boy, the ADHD stimulant was stimulating the wrong part of his brain and creating the aggression. Some medications might work, but journal it and follow your heart. Others may think they know better but they don't. You do know your child best.

Don't always blame the child - our son's teachers kept blaming him for who he is and everyone seems to believe he just needs more drugs to behave normally. In our son's case, it wasn't the drugs, it was the environment. The noise and commotion of the classroom, the way teachers and staff behaved all contributed to extreme levels of anxiety and stress. That was combined with bullying by other students and his own perceptions of the situations. My son doesn't really lie, but he views incidents and actions differently. For example, he said the box had a fold line on it so he folded it. The teacher was furious because he had ruined someone else's project. It was a perceptual difference and they handled it badly. He wasn't about to apologize for doing something that, in his mind, was the right thing. The teacher put him in suspension for ruining the box. I know he was wrong, but I also try to understand why he folded that box. The teacher needed to teach him, not punish.

I hope by starting young, my son can learn how to interact. He'll always hit a wall somewhere, but I hope he won't blow through it. Last year, his combination of depression and anxiety made me wonder if this is how the Columbine kids felt when they were 8 or 9 and no one helped them.

We're also seeing signs it's working. He was absolutely furious last night since he didn't get what he wanted. Four months ago we would have dragged him, kicking and screaming, from the situation. Last night he yelled and then left on his own. He went outside, stomped around, finished being mad and then went back to play. It still wasn't the most appropriate behavior, he still caused a scene, but it was far less than what we've encountered in the past.

Sadly, from what I have seen and read, I can see that it is very possible. However, there are many with non-autistic traits who have done this too. It was because they too were unhappy, misunderstood, marginalised, put-upon. for different reasons.

By no means do I think it is inevitable that this should happen. I have been coming here for a long time to find somewhere good and I know I have seen more humanity and support here than you could ever need. Maybe we feel the need to consider them part of the Aspie/Autie world because of our understanding of what it takes to get to that stage and how it could happen, even though the majority of them would not fit the criteria for diagnosis.

Don't you think places Wrong Planet could be used to make that difference for vulnerable young kids who would otherwise feel alone and misunderstood? I think so. If my son grows up excluded from his "peers" and that bothers him, at least he can come to places like this and feel part of something. Something good.

I don't know if the children you have heard about were AS, but they were all bullied. If your child is bullied (and he probably will be) you need to step in and shield him. An AS child will not have the social skills to protect himself. Provide a safe haven at home and let you know you love him no matter what. Take advantage of any special programing available either through school or the health care system for social skills training. That was not available when my son was young (he's 19 y/o now). I used to discuss social expectations with him before any new experience since he was unable to take knowledge from one situation and apply it to a new one. We even did that before his first date. I was always honest with my son about his diagnosis. Knowing why he was different helped him. At least he understood there was a reason for his difficulties, and that he wasn't stupid or "slow" as other kids called him. Set realistic expectations. Don't allow the school to dumb down the curriculum or expectations for him. Make them help him to succeed. Blow ups happen on occasion. Best thing I found was to allow my son "alone time" when he was upset, and to discuss things later. Get him in the habit of doing something safe to blow off steam when he's angry, whatever is helpful to him (that will be very individual).

Personally, I think it's not likely an AS issue, but more one of marginalisation. The thing all these people have had in common is that they were bullied, outcast etc. AS has a link to that only in that it makes people more likely to be or feel marginalised by society, not least in a school environment. However, to say AS is therefore the cause is not fair. Take a kid with AS out of that environment and the chances of him going on a killing spree are about zero. Put any kid, NT or AS, into the environment those people have been through, and their chances of flipping out are much higher. The only reason a person with AS might be likely to do this kind of thing is because of the treatment such people often receive.

Hope that makes sense.

I just finished reading a book about Columbine written by one of the students who actually hung out with Eric and Dylan. One of the first pictures he paints is that because of the was people are treated at Columbine (and I say are rather than were because there are rumors that the same kind of problems still exist at the school today), the school was a hotbed for something like this.

Parents need to keep lines of communications with their children open and believe them. They need to throw out the adages "Boys will be Boys" or "It has always been that way at school". They need to go to the school and defend their children and if the administriation will not fix the problems, use the current laws or lobby for new laws that will fix the problems (I do not mean try to make money off of the situation either, you can sue in court for other things besides money).

Simply put, if you are worried that your child will perform another stunt like Columbine, you need to watch for the issues now and be proactive.

Also, for all those that believe that violent movies/tv shows/music is to blame, do you think that the entertainment industry would make such products if they could not make money off of them?

Just my $0.02 USD