Quiet to the extreme

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I noticed that someone else described their child as "quiet to the extreme." This is my son! No matter where we go, everyone rants and raves about what a good boy he is. It worries me because he is too mellow, too sedentary, for a toddler.

He is especially quiet in public, but even at home, he is very subdued. He just started running at 2 yrs 3 mos and still cannot or doesn't want to jump. He prefers to sit, read, draw, or line up toys and name characters. He is very verbal, but he spends most of his time talking about the same thing over and over.

Just curious if anyone else would describe their child the same way.

It describes me as a child.

A book or a pile of Lego and you wouldn't hear from me for hours.

My son who is now 19 exhibited similar behaviors as a young child. He developed language very early but was slow physically. He continues to have fine motor difficulties even now. He was never very athletic as a child and still isn't. As a child he used to line his toys up in very rigid order. If anybody moved them he became very upset. He seemed more pleased by having them in order than in actually playing with them. He was, and remains very quiet. He can be engaged 1:1 but often doesn't notice others around him. I always told his teachers to make sure they had eye contact when talking with him or he would not hear them. He has limited interests he tends to engage in almost to the point of obsession. He has had difficulty all his life initiating and maintaining relationships with his peers. He has difficulty with the "executive functions" of his brain. My son received a diagnosis of AS going into junior high. The addition of one of the atypical antipsychotic medications has helped him be functional. Please don't be afraid of medications if your child is diagnosed as AS. They make the difference in a child being able to function and not being able to function. My son is in college now. He thought he could do without his meds and tapered back on them. This was disasterous for him with a severe decline in overall function. He was almost kicked out of school. He is back on his meds now and thankfully doing better. If you have concerns about AS you should seek out a qualified child psychiatrist to evaluate your son. Early intervention with schooling is available for AS children as young as 3. The sooner your son gets academic help the better he will be able to learn the coping skills he needs to succeed in school and life. AS is something your son can still thrive with, if he is surrounded by people who understand and accept him and help translate the world for him. Good luck to you! Pink

@ pink:
What exactly does the medication do to your son? Does it make it easier for him to concentrate on the issues he is taught in college? Or does it make it easier for him to socialize with NTs?

oh gosh, first of all we aspies dont need to "translate the world". we understand everything just fine. uhm and stop saying that meds make a child function thats so NOT TRUE! no one NEEDS meds, its just something some aspies use to cope a little bit better with co-morbid problems (anxiety depression etc) that we get from a neurotypical society that do not welcome our type of personality.




how could meds possibly help an aspie socialize with anyone let alone NTs?
our goal isnt to socialise with NTs, thats your goal as parents. we aspies like beeing with other aspies or be loners:D

<sarcasm>Isn't it nice how parents love quiet children?</sarcasm> I think to most parents, quiet children are "convenient" children, and it pisses me off to no end. While there are places where kids must be quiet, like family restaurants, but that's about courtesy to other people, not convenience. Let's look at a few examples to show you what I mean:

Exactly! Parents love it, 'cause it saves them the "trouble" of playing with the kids or watching them to make sure they don't hurt themselves.

I'm pleased to see a parents actually concerned about their child being quiet. The people who rant and rave about how good a boy your son is may actually be thinking: "It must be so easy to raise him; his parents don't have to deal with the 'hassle' of playing with him or watching him. I wish my kid was 'convenient' like that".

Last edited by Aspie1 on 16 Apr 2006, 5:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If I am involved with something that I am really interested in, I can grow quiet for hours on end. Am I continually quiet, though? Not really. I can hold conversations for hours as well. I prefer one to one, but I can manage in groups if need be. My family sort of forced me into conversations as I was growing up, because they were sort of concerned with my preference to be alone all the time. I tend to shut things out if conversations get too personal or emotional, sometimes shutting up or going into a minor trance, though I'm well aware of my environment.

I have to say, though, I don't find anything wrong with a toddler or child maintaining quietude, as long as it does not severely interact with his ability in school and so forth. I was in a special needs school throughout most of my high school years, so I had teachers that I could confide in. This, I think, is important for good development. If I was in a "normalized" high school setting, I probably would have drifted further into myself, because of all the crap that goes on. That's why I was taken out. I believe that most teachers in "normal" school settings are just not qualified to handle special needs students, therefore they tend to throw their hands up and don't know what to do.

I'm also quite concerned about the use of antipsychotic medications on autistic or AS types. I was once diagnosed as schizophrenic and placed on haldol, and the side effects were horrible. Haldol is, apparently, one of the most common antipsychotic medications. If the medication truly helps performance, than I can see it to some degree. I would look at other outlets before resorting to medication therapy, such as sensory integration therapy or even some sort of group therapy.

And we don't see the world in any negative shape or form. In fact, we may see it as more logical. I'm saying we, and maybe I shouldn't, given I'm speaking for all of us, but I doubt most would disagree. NTs might disagree, but then again ... the world, as anyone sees it, is interpreted by one's own self. There just isn't a right or wrong way to see the world. There's just the way that best helps the individual cope.

- Ray M -

when my aspie son was little, he too was the envy of other mothers~while they were busy chasing their toddler boys, my osn was quite content to be playing with his legos, and lining up his toys. i wasn't concerned at all...in fact, i was thrilled to have such a wonderufl child who could keep himself amused! when my NT son was born, however, i was pulling my hair out~he was into everything, and never seemed to sit still. all i kept thinking to myself was, there must be something terribly wrong with him because he just wouldn't sit still. i'm happy to say that both boys are growing up pretty ok ~ at least they're not at each other's throats today.

My older son was a "quiet child". He would spend hours in his playroom, and at age 4 built a replica of our old stone church using just his wooden blocks. He is now almost 24, and the most "NT" of all my kids. He just lived in a house with three adults (grandparents and mom) and his older sister, and could pretty much not get a word in edgewise!

My younger son, meanwhile, once he started talking I would say he is an average talker. Talking however, had nothing to do with his ability to amuse himself. He loved to play with his cars and trucks out under our carport when he was younger, and would do so for hours on end if allowed.

All children have different temperments. Both of my girls have been attention seekers. My little one wants to have constant tea parties with us, and is quite proficient at more than a few card games since she always wants in on what we're doing.

I don't mean to insult anybody by suggesting medication. My older son Joseph is on risperidone, one of the atypical antipsychotics, at a very low dose. He has had very good success with it, being able to focus and to improve his "executive brain functions" of organization, etc. It helps him clear his thinking. It is not a cure for AS. It does allow him to manage to live independently in the dorms at college and do his homework, and while in highschool, he also held a part time job he liked very much. It has not changed the way he interacts with other people. I have asked him about his feelings taking the meds and in the past he has said that without the medications, he has no life. He is referring to his ability to function in school and at work. When he decreased his med on his own after X-mas, he found he had problems at college. He has gone back on his medication on his own. He says that he now remembers how different things are when he is off his meds. Medication is not for everybody. Different individuals react in different ways, even to the same meds. However, if my son had diabetes, I wouldn't ask him to function without insulin. The meds work for some individuals with some conditions. The best thing is to seek a qualified psychiatrist who is familiar with the condition and get accurate and reliable advice there.
I myself was recently diagnosed with ADD and have started on medication for it. It has made a tremendous difference in the quality of my life. When I think of how I struggled in school all my life, and in my jobs as an adult, I wish somebody had offerred me help sooner.

That pretty much describes me too. Even now at age 29 people always describe me as "very quiet". Another word that often comes up is "calm". As a toddler I didn't walk until I was 2 years old - my mom says I didn't seem to have much interest in it before then. I talked earlier than most kids, but I didn't talk to other people much - I would mostly just talk nonstop to myself and my toys when I was playing. Even past age 2 I was happy to play (in a very repetitive way, lining up toys etc) in a playpen for hours with no other people in the room - my NT sister was climbing out of that playpen at 8 months. As I got older I always hated when my mom would take me to her friends' houses to visit - I rarely played with the other kids, I just sat quietly beside my mom while she visited. Her friends would suggest that I should be playing with the other kids but my mom would tell them, "No, she's fine here - she's being good." Nothing in my personality has changed - I'm still the same as all that now, just an adult version of it. (And I'd say that I'm successful, happy with my life - I've been working part time at a job that I love for 10 years (taking care of disabled adults in a home), and I've been married for 9 years.)

Whatever! diabetes is a physical condition. Asperger's is a neurobiological one, not even anything wrong with it, just the way we are treated badly in society, and of course your son will agree to take meds to fit in with all of you other NTs.
how could he say he has no life without the meds, thats really silly, like didnt he have a life when he was a kid!?
being quiet to the extreme by the way is a really cool thing, nothing wrong with that eiter!

Maybe they could lower mental barriers...? I can't tell you how meds can cure a flu, but obviously, that's possible, so why shouldn't modern meds be able to do other amazing things?


I don't know who you mean with "our" - I hate my being a loner, and as I don't know any other aspies in rl, socializing with NTs is the only option.

EDIT: Oh, you thought I'm a parent? No that's not the case. I'm just a lonely aspie, although I don't have a dx.

oh gosh, dont you get it? there is NOTHING WRONG with being aspie! so why would we take meds with side-effects that would only screw us up? i view aspergers as beeing the "mildest" DX on the entire spectrum of diagnoses its possible to get, so since we are the onlly diagnose with no particular medication (for instance ADHD has rithalin) i would go as far as saying that asperger will be the next diagnose to be deleted from the DSM, since they deleted homosexuality from it a couple of years ago. and they were obviously wrong with that beeing a mental illness, so they could be wrong again.
BUT; this doesnt mean i am opose to any other mental "illnesses", it just means that i dont think there is anything wrong at all wtih being bipolar, schitzo aspie etc
......................
anyone get what im trying to say att all!?

You're trying to say, that you're feeling fine?
Just take a look at The Haven, or at GroovyDruid's article about aspies being more prone to suicide, and you'll see that many here at WP do have problems with being an aspie.

uhm , yeah im suicidal myself! but i dont know if its biological i might be co-morbid with bipolar/depression. anyway, its the NT society that makes us suicidal, bacause they dont accept us the way we are, so we feel like we must either; change or die. there ive said it. now shut up allready cause you know i am right