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Ive just had an email from my friend the out reach worker and she said she has spoken to the social worker and is going to arrange a date we are all free on for the visit. She said she talked to the social worker and will do everything to make it go as smooth as possible for me.

So that is really good that Ive got someone on my side at last I am getting the out reach worker to do some social skill and emotional awareness etc training with the kids (and me) so hopefully that will help us too.

Its all too much, I cant wait for all this to be over.

That's great.


Crossed fingers for the visit, and any/all future involvement with them. I hope you get to relax very soon.

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thanks for directing me here ouinon. I think it is a very relevant place as families are more important than individuals. I will watch and learn as this is my first sharing experience with fellow aspies! I have problems with home life- i can't motivate myself, not a homely bone in my body + not confident enough to change. My kids are 16 + 19. I didn't know i had aspergers.Anyone the same?

I didn't know I was on the spectrum until my almost ten year old son was just 8. And yes, parenting has really put pressure on my aspie difficulties. There are several really great posts earlier in this thread by different people about the particular problems AS have with parenting.

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It must be that time of year, ( Spring ? ), or something ... but I am thinking of leaving the father of my son again.

The "something" being either:

... the stress induced by the imminence of another Academic Inspection of my home-unschooling son, sometime in the next 4 to 6 weeks probably, and/or:

... recent events like the father of my son almost succeeding, ( but not quite, because he couldn't find his last three months of salary details, because I had only classified, not yet filed, the household papers for 2009 ), in taking out an enormous loan ( 15,000 € ) for a new car without telling me, which would have totally wrecked our finances for the next 5-10 years, ( because monthly payments would have been beyond our means by at least 200€ a month ), having crashed the one-before-the-one we have now, last November, without insurance, ( which if I had known about would not have been the case either; he thought he was saving money by only taking out third-party insurance, as if he could never crash a car, despite having done so three times now in 10 years, aswell as two cycling accidents which put him in hospital for weeks each time with multiple bones broken ), and being discontented with the very modest if perfectly adequate second-hand car we bought to replace it, but which discontent I realise may have a lot to do with not having had sex with a real live woman, ( me or anyone else ), for the last 7 years, so that:

... I think increasingly often that I should leave simply so that he can honestly present to the world as what he is, a man in need of a female companion for a sexual relationship, rather than as the supposedly happy family-man that he feels obliged to pretend to be because we live together, in a small village, and he is very conventional, or:

... because I have lived with him for ten and a half years, and in France for the same length of time, and we have nothing to say to each other, and I want a change, and ...

... Uranus and Pluto will be "moving house" at the same time next Feb/March/April; Pluto into my second, ( which is "Possessions/assets/values" ), and Uranus into my fourth, ( which is "Home" ), and are already very close, and Saturn is on its way into the tenth in a few months.

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Becoming more and more aware of stress provoked by imminence of Academic Inspection "control"/exam which is due in the next 4 weeks or so. The trouble is that both my son and I are very bad at making ourselves do things which are boring, unpleasant, etc even when we theoretically understand that by doing so we will avoid having to do something theoretically even more unpleasant, ( like his going to school ), and so it is a struggle to sit down and do the minimum necessary ( maths and language ) to pass even the current tests.

This has been skin-of-the-teeth-ok till now, but the year after next is no longer primary school; there will be more specific subject-material to cover, and to make things worse the french govt recently amended its laws on homeschooling such that children will now have to follow the national curriculum in its entirety, ( if not necessarily at the same rhythm as school children ), by the age of 16. We are quite simply not going to manage this.

When we did the correspondence course it was "easier", to organise, because we "had" to send in "homework" every two weeks, but it was mind-numbingly tedious, and laborious, and I had to put a lot of pressure on my son to get him to do it, which I hated doing and was not always very good at doing in a pleasant manner either.

So it is probable that very soon they, the Academic Inspection, are going to officially require that my son go to school. Which "instruction/order" to do so would not be agreeable to receive at all.

It is this pressure which makes me, ( and my son too ), want to move to Morocco or somewhere that my son wouldn't have to do tests at all, school-leaving age is 14, and many children there simply don't go anyway. The cost of living is very low too so we could live relatively easily on a small maintenance allowance from his papa, ( which we could reasonably claim for the next 6-7 years anyway ).

But having thought about moving to Morocco, or anywhere really, I have realised it would be a huge upheaval, and perhaps it would be a good idea for my son to try school again, for a term at least. Because moving would be irrevocable, ( we simply couldn't expect the papa to allow us to move back here if/whenever things didn't work out ), and maybe a big mistake, whereas trying school would not commit us to anything.

My son does not like the idea at all, but does understand now that moving would be irrevocable, ( which came as shock ), and he acknowledges that we both find it very hard to sit down to do the work necessary for homeschooling. He doesn't want to go to school, but I think he may have to, if only to measure more accurately the weight of the factors here, before doing something as drastic as leaving.

And I did think, suddenly, ... perhaps I might get round to painting, and on a regular basis, ( and might be able to sell my pictures? ), if my son was at school, and that this might be very important seeing as within 6-8 years the papa might reasonably wonder why he is paying for my upkeep, as we no longer have sexual relationship and my mothering "duties" would be over.

Anyway, I think I am going to have to support my son into trying school, if only for a term, in the Autumn. Revolution.

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Your son trying school for a term may not be such a bad idea. I assume this would be a smaller village-type school? How much leeway and attention are children given at the school he would be going to?

I think I've mentioned it before, but sending my children to a smaller, village school far off the beaten track, was crucial to me. It's not perfect, but teachers do treat the children more as individuals rather than as objects. Occasionally the school gets pulled up over something where they're being 'flexible' to childrens needs rather than slavishly following the government legislation. Usually they get away with it, though! Maybe this is similar in France too? The only way to see if your childs experience at school is as bad as ours might have been is to try it! Does he ever mix with or have friends who go to the school he would be attending?

Either way, your caught between less than perfect options.

That had occurred to me too, that perhaps our living here, in this village, ( after 6 years in one big town, and 1 and a half years in a large city ), could be "perfect" in that respect, and make a big difference to the experience. It's not exactly a "little village school" because it serves lots of surrounding smaller villages too, but it is human-scale, close by, and might be bearable.


He has met some children in the village, a couple/few definitely not sympathetic; and a couple nice, but sees little or nothing of them, but he knows one boy, ( who would be in his class at school too ), quite well from Karate and gets on so well with him that just yesterday I suggested to his rather odd dad that his son might like to come round and play sometime. It would definitely help if my son had one "buddy" ahead of time to connect with in school.


I have no idea. I was looking to see if they had a website yesterday so that I could get an idea of class sizes and teachers etc, but there is nothing. So I will have to go along in person to ask questions.

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(((((((((ouinon)))))))))

I hope the education inspection goes well.




more hugs

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ouinon)))))))))))))))))))))))))

I had a social worker visit on monday and it was really awful and Ive been suicidal most of the week.

This morning though I had a letter from them saying that they are not going to do the parenting assessment after all. But I dont know why. But I still have to see the case worker social worker (just not the parenting assessment one).

This afternoon I saw the psychiatrist in the camhs in the next borough along and that went quite well. She seemed to listen to me and did not make the scrunchy faces that the other ones made so thats a good sign. My youngest was with me as that is the one they are most concerned about and she was very 'naughty' and was trying to rip stuff down and kept escaping into the waiting room and beign extremely rude. I think it was good to take her though as it showed that she did have AS (my local camhs deny this) and that I had a lot to deal with and that I was not over bearing.

The psychiatrist wants to see me again later in the month so perhaps I will get more of an idea of whats going to happen then. She was the first person Ive seen who asked me what I wanted to get out of seeing her so thats refreshing.

And the library lady didnt charge me for a new card but let me have it free so perhaps our luck is changeing and things will get better.

thank you ouinon! i know this post is a year old but i'm so happy i found it. The parents forum has me so stressed out!! !!
i'm going to read this particularly thread post by post. its good for the soul.

Really need help...

I'm a single mom to two year old twins. I recently realized I have Asperger's after doing research about my son's behaviors, now realize he is fine, but all the clues were there about my own childhood, and current behaviors I still have,

Just got fired from my job, second firing in less than a year,

Extremely stressed when working, then taking care of screaming toddlers, no rest, very disorganized, now depressed, wondering if I will ever be able to work again, can't hold a job!

I put all my energy into keeping them happy, forcing myself out of isolation for thier sake, not easy to do, and checking my anger & exhaustion, putting up a happy front so as not to create a difficult environment for them, I love them more than anything, want them to have a happy mom and not an emotional mess like I am now,

No friends or family in the area, isolated from family anyway due to being misunderstood,

Looking for parents with Asperger's to get a sense of community and learn to cope with being a parent of toddlers, I wear earplugs around them, they are so loud, They go to daycare even though I am not working now, just four hours with them a night and I'm completely spent, sleep most of the day very depressed!

Everything online is for parents with AS kids, not the other way around...

Should I get a dx or find a psyc that can help me cope? Everyone tells me it will get easier when they are older, but what about work? I want to work at home but how will I make enough to support us? Thier father is not around, no support there. Can't get ssi/disability for AS? Not a disability?

Any advice or direction appreciated, glad I found this board.

Phoenixx77, wanted to give you a hug. I have one two year old and a husband to help and it's tough. I think it's extremely difficult for anyone to cope with twins, so I think it's a good idea to give yourself a break and not judge your job-holding abilities under these circumstances. When they are at school perhaps life gets easier (I'm beginning to wonder myself, the challenges just seem to evolve. But I think I will be able to think better then.)

How much are your children screaming/ crying? My darling is adorable and generally easy on the ears, but just recently she has developed a horrendous screech. Hoping it is a very short phase that will end tomorrow! BTW with her we have found that saying "Make nice noises" works very well, long before she could talk much. Now we add " use your words" and she switches from screeching to mumbling.

Are you getting out of the house for a walk every day? That is my top tip for dealing with depression, get out and walk in daylight as early as you can. Brush hair and dress as nice as you can and put on make up and smile (not at anyone in particular, just smile) - many people find that makes them feel better somehow, it might work for you too.

Is there anyone in the real world who can help you? Maybe it is time to give your family another chance to understand you? or, don't worry about understanding, just phone and say "I need help." Your babies are at a critical age when they need you to be happy, as you say. And your family is their family too - let them meet up, take a good book and put your feet up and let them play? Would that work?

I am what is being called NT but raised by Aspies. Absolutely the only way I learned anything about the warm supportive loving aspects of being part of a family and society was by going to school and when old enough, babysitting. Maybe it would have been less painful to have been homeschooled cause nobody would have teased and mocked my sisters and me but I never ever could have functioned as a social human being if I had not had some exposure to warm loving open caring people. My Aspie parents obsessions were not enough to sustain 4 daughters through life. Take my word for it, unless your children are fully raging Aspies, send them to school and let them be part of society if they want. Support their longing to be affiliative and connected even if it is beyond you.

the problem is that school does not equal society.

I am a young mum with 2 children. I suspect that i am AS after just getting my 2yr old diagnosed with moderate to severe autism. I do a lot of things that he does and I thought he was just like me until i saw how different he was while i was at the hospital after giving birth to my daughter. I would see all the other toddlers come in and my son wasn't like them.

I got really interested in autism and it was my major interest for about 5 months. I was so absorbed, I didn't even think to read about Asperger's.LOL. When i did, it just sort of clicked. I have realised that a lot of "fiddling" that i do is actually stimming. I am really bad socially and don't have friends. I force myself to take my children out everyday to socialise. I talk nonstop and it is always about my special topic. I just cant seem to stop it unless i am perfectly quiet and don't say a thing.