Aspie Mother--NT children

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Hello...

I am totally freaked out. I was beginning to think the reason i haven't been able to "bond" to my daughter is that she was NT. Now I am beginning to think she might have Williams Syndrome by the definition on wikipedia, she has these characteristics
Highly verbal and sociable
Phenotypically patients tend to have widely spaced teeth,
and flattened nasal bridge
People with Williams syndrome often have hyperacusis and phonophobia
There also appears to be a higher prevalence of left-handedness
+ she needs TONS of affection and is highly affectionate

If in any doubt, make a dr.s appointment right away. The good news about WS is that a.) there are definitive tests to dx or rule it out, no subjective guess work involved and b.) if your daughter does in fact have WS, know that with a little extra care, WS kids truly grow up to be delightful human beings. My sister is now 16 and she "lights up a room" like no one else I have ever seen.

How old is your daughter neuroatipica? Most WS kids are now dxed very young. My sister was dxed at about 18 months. She was significantly developmentally delayed, and dr.s were quick to recognize the distinct facial characteristics and refer my parents on to a specialist.

My daughter is 4 yrs and has no developmental delay. ¿Is it posible for her to be WS sithout the developmental delay?
¿Any web page that has more detail on the syndrome?
Thanks for the information.

We have been told that my sister is on the very high functioning side for WS, and she has significant cognitive delays, motor skills issues and many other deficits. So I am not sure if it is possible to be WS without delays, but I would think not.

Websites:
http://www.williams-syndrome.org/forpar ... ms.html#13
http://www.williams-syndrome.org/

The second one has some good info on what to expect at different ages, and I like that it includes pictures. The facial features of a person with WS are distinctly recognizable, similar to the way Down's affects a person's looks.

Thank you for the link.

My mother used to keep EVERYTHING related to her children... a piece of hair, teeth, school work and notebooks. My mother in law did the same... I do the same because my husband told me my children may resent if i don't, since it is the "culturally correct" thing to do. Mi children are my life but i find little sense in keeping all that stuff.

¿Does this happen to you too?

I'm surprised that there is even a label for an extreme NT! I would have a ball with your daughter! She sounds like a lot of fun. Every party needs a leader.

Wow. What a sweeping generality! Dear me. . . . Way to make a stressed group of moms feel even more anxious.

Granted, my little guys are still very small. And perhaps I'm very "high-functioning" on the AS, but I am a good mother. A very, very good mother. I had a terrific period of adjustment in the beginning, but my boys and I are very close. We clearly bonded. When stress is high in the house, I do get "raw" with noise. I have had to teach myself scripts for my reactions -- like you would mimic any social situation. Get a good set of scripts, and you're set. The executive dysfunction is a problem for me, but it just takes me a little longer to adjust. I take b6 and enough calmag for the "mommie crazies." Routine is my savior. If we all find a good rhythm to the day -- with enough outside time, enough "smart time," and such, we're all set.

Mommies need grace too. We're all learning. Together.

QK

I like that "we are all learning together. Before I had kids I never thought I wanted any, then I had my first son and I was extremely overwhelmed and he was colic and extremely difficult until 2nd grade. He is still very moody and an apsie. Him and I clash all the time because of his constant negativity.

Then had my second son and him and bonded and we understood each other. We both have positive outlooks. But we both have our meltdowns. He is having a very difficult time with school because of his lack of social skills and has been labeled defiant, but he is very gifted in his studies, the ones he wants to do anyway.

Then I had my third son and he is nt and very adorable. I feel am nuturing and empathetic when I know I need to be. I do it based on their cues and because I know I have to. I dont mind; my love for them out ways my desire to be left alone and not be bothered.

All my kids know when I say I need my space and some time alone that they need to be quiet around and let me rest. Sometimes it doesnt work that way, but they still try and thats all I can ask for.

As for a general rule I think there should never be a general rule about anything we never know how things are going to work themselves out and we all need to be able to make our own decisions if we are cabable of making those decisions for ourselves. My children all three of them are unique in their own way and have special gifts and talents that just amaze me everyday despite their weaknesses and the world is better place because of them.

We struggle but dont we all. Its called life. "we are learning together"

I feel this way, too, ultimately. Well, on my worst days I don't feel it so much , but overall I think I make a great mother, as long as I'm getting what I need (time alone, enough predictability in a day, and so on). I have a huge tolerance for individuality and I love my kids for who they are. I'm not overbearing or superficial, I don't need them to excel in sports or academics to make me feel better about myself (which I think is one of the weirdest NT parent traits I've ever encountered), and I treat them like human beings with their own thoughts, dreams, desires, and ideas. (If that's "not having a theory of mind," then I'll take that any day over having one.)

I'm just not very good at making sure I get what I need, and I need to do better there, because it isn't just for me. It's for my kids. Need to hang that up somewhere, and repeat out loud hourly.

I also think I amVERY good mother. I am sure my AS child couldn't have a better mother.

I think our AS children are very LUCKY to have a AS mother as we don't waste time searching for what is wrong with our children or trying to "fix them" as some NT do. We accept our children for who they are.

Our NT children are also benefited from having an AS mother, I guess they would be more tolerant to differences.

I have my meltdowns once in a while, on noisy days or when my NT child has a tantrum for example because she wants to wear something she left on grandma's house.

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Right!! NTs have outbursts too. My little ones are too little to really know yet if they are on the spectrum (it took me 4 decades). But when I heard my oldest being called (affectionately) a "little professor" the other day and when (on the same day) I noticed him hand-flapping, it struck me. But I do understand and I do know it's okay. It is my opinion that this neurodiversity is a good thing and that the world needs Aspies to blow whistles and solve problems.

I was blessed with a really wonderful (AS) dad and a really wonderful (NT) mom. They are terrific parents. It's unfortunate to conclude otherwise in a broad sweeping way.

QK

And I believe you are quite wrong in your assumptions.

I KNOW I'm a good parent. In fact, I'd have to say its the only thing I am confident that I do really well. Just like anything else in my life with Asperger's, I researched parenting nonstop. I read everything. I continually research every day. I advocate for my 5 year old daughter with AS, and my 3 (soon to be 4) other NT children. No, you can't learn everything from a book. Parenting takes experience. So far I've got 11 years of that under my belt. I learn the best way I know how so that I can be successful for my children.

Do I have moments of self doubt? Of course. Every parent does.

Can I do better? Absolutely! I believe everyone can. I do my best every day. Some days are better than others, but I get back up and try again. Every day is a new day.

Noises bother me a lot. The unpredictability of children can get to me. The social chatter is the biggest thing that grates on my nerves. Sometimes I just don't feel like talking, or listening.. but I know I have to. Occasionally I script an answer to them asking for some space, and that I'll gladly listen to them in a little bit. For the most part, my kids understand my limitations and know I'm trying my best.

Crappy parents exist. But I don't believe for one second, that they are comprised of only mothers on the spectrum.

Hear, hear.

I do think, though, that agitprop was referring more to the difficulty for the AS woman herself, rather than any suffering on the part of the kids. (Though maybe he/she was referring to both.) I think agitprop is accurate in that raising kids is a recipe for constant sensory overload and other things that are antithetical to an ideal AS environment, which in turn (at least in my case) makes me a far less pleasant, nurturing, empathetic mother when I'm not getting enough quiet time alone to compensate.

As I wrote in an earlier post, I think the best thing is to know about your AS before you have kids, so you can structure things to work well for you.

Interesting thread

have taken this post and moved to a different thread

Doesn't always work. My mom is not diagnosed, but she's got many spectrum traits. My sister is an extreme conformist. They have always had a very uneasy relationship. My sister has very clear ideas of how people should or shouldn't behave and if you break her rules, you're practically a non-person to her.