Personal Space(s), lies and kleptomania

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Ah, what a joy to have Aspie kids.

Tonight, I came out of the bedroom and there was my 10 year-old daughter, who promptly dropped into my portable leather labyrinth the handful of cards, including driver's license and credit card, which she had removed from a pocket of my purse.

Me: What are you looking for?
Her: Nothing (voice octave high, pupils contracting slightly, body gestures nonexistent...She's lying.)
Me: Let's try this again. What were you looking for in the purse?
Her: Nothing.
Me: Why were you looking in my purse?
Her: I dunno (meanwhile, her voice is getting into the shatter-glass range, and Pinocchio has more fluid body language).
Dad: Let's go into reasons. You go to the bathroom because you need to poop. You go into the fridge because you're hungry or thirsty. You go into Mom's purse because you're looking for...?
Her: Nothin'. (Dear Lord, did a windowpane just crack?)
Me: Do you think something is wrong with digging in Mom's purse?
Her: I dunno.
Me: (my logic train's trying to derail) Honey...If I asked you to dump your pants pocket right now, would you feel like I was invading your privacy?
Her: Uh huh (sullenness in the eyes now)
Me: It's like that when you go into my purse.
Her: blank stare.

URGH.

I need a logic pill, STAT, because this child's responses make no sense, other than to indicate she was looking for something.

I'm giving it 30 minutes, then I'm going to be going into her room and discussing personal space and belongings, because she very obviously is having issues in that area.

Thoughts, anyone?

I don't see the big deal. Maybe she was looking for nothing and was just wanting to know what was in your purse. What could you put in your purse that you don't want her finding or that she would want to find? Nothing I can think of. It's just a purse.

yes, she needs to learn about other people's space. you don't have anything to hide but her friends might. when she's 13 or 15 she can't just look through her friends purses. She needs to learn this from you, now, not later from an angry friend! You are right about her learning it but I guess you just need to figure out how. Maybe buy her a purse or backpack that she will want to keep personal things in. While you shop for this personal item you can chat about things to put in it that are special to her, like a small diary or something. Good luck, I understand what you're going through.It's just a matter of finding what she understands.

Buryuntime I got to say yes there are things that might be in a mom's purse that a ten year old doesn't need to find. I've got a card in mine right now with the picture of a lady in a bra and panties thats from a lingerie shop. There also might be moms birth control pills what a mightmare if she took one thinking it was a mint. But besides that kids need to learn it's not ok to go threw others private things and it's never ok to take things with out asking. It's better and safer for her to learn this now then when she's older or at someone elses house.

You're so right about that. That's how I learned about the concept of personal space and not messing around in things that belong to others -- in high school. Not pleasant or fun. I knew not to mess around in Mom's purse, but for some reason it just didn't click that my friend's purse was in the same category.

Regards,

Patricia

I still don't get it. Your mother is different from a friend or stranger.

Same here, took me forever to grasp things like that, probably made a lot of people mad along the way. They just didn't know I didn't get it. They undoubtedly assumed I was just being horribly rude. I wasn't, I just didn't comprehend it. Sooooo slow to learn some things.

Reading your exchange it sounds like she sort of knows you wouldn't want her looking through your purse, but felt drawn to do it anyway. I wonder if it's a bit like a stim, in the way my son just HAS to touch everything, absolutely everything, no matter what it is and no matter how often we discuss it. He knows but doesn't know and is unconsciously drawn to do it all at once. That is what the interaction you described reminds me of.

The only thing I've ever been able to come up with for some of these things is constant repitition. Repeat the lesson, repeat the logic, every day from now until, oh, twenty years from now? With most things my son EVENTUALLY "gets" it, but putting all the pieces together (logic, control of impuse, etc) takes FOREVER.

I can relate. I get the same exact responses from 9 year old everytime I ask him a question or he is lying. It is very frustrationg, irritationing, annoying, all of the above..lol.

Its not that she went through your purse, its that she doesnt respond the way you would like her to thats really upsets you and you dont feel no matter what you say or do that your getting through to her.

I know I have been there many times almost everday. Right now my son is away for the week and I cant tell you how less stressful it is.

Yet, I ran into some people that know my son this week and they all rave about him and how much they like him.

I love him but boy its down right frustrating when I feel I am getting know where with him and most of the time I just ignore it, because I know its not going to do me any good to explain it to him. He is very bright he knows, he just dont care.

my son has issues with going into his sister's bedroom, destroying everyone's deoderant (have yet to understand this one), touching other people's things, etc....a lot to do with personal space/belongings. One thing we've done is post a visible list of house rules....asking permission before touching other people's things/ going into other people's rooms is on this list. Because of this "non verbal" rule being visibly posted he has gotten better about asking first. It still takes a whole lot of redirection. I think for him, more than why he does these things is him knowing (being reminded) that this is a rule that he has broken has helped him.....we also use a "marble" system......when he follows through with the directions given he gets marbles.....this coicides with the rule chart.....I think more than a reason why....the child needs to be reminded of personal space. It can be exhausting......and in all honesty....when and if she does finally tell you why....i guarantee it will probably be a logical reason.....

Maybe the confrontation panicked her. You said she kinda froze up physically when she was caught, the same thing could have happened mentally.