Hello, New here and looking for information and advice

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Hello,

My daughter is 14 1/2. I have wondered and it has now been suggested by others that she may have AS, and I wondered what your views as parents and people with AS were about it.

Millie is a very quiet, academically able (almost gifted) musical girl. She causes no problems at school and has a small circle of friends, and one in particular who she sometimes describes as her social secretary. M doesn't do a lot of texting on her phone, and almost never speaks on the phone - can't do telephone conversatin at all actually.

Millie spoke early, and in clear sentences from a young age, however, she often has a monotone voice, and a lack of facial movement when speaking. She rarely smiles. She doesn't talk in class, or at Band, or much at home.

Millie will wear the same clothes day in and day out, is reluctant to shower, often has a grimy neck because she hates the feeling of washing it. SHe has a tendency to only open her bowels once a week or less.

As a small child M was very into Peter Pan - we had books, dolls, videos etc and this was her main source of imaginative play. AS she got older Peter Pan was replaced by Harry Potter, Twilight, and Alex Rider.

M used to love playing with marbles - however her friends were often baffled by the rules which included lining them up in small lego compartments and giving them all names of characters from Harry Potter! (To this day the biggest one is still called Dumbledore!)

M gets easily distressed by her younger (twin) brother and sister - and it is only as they have grown older that I realise how different M is.

As a small child M was terrified of water, "moving stairs", and fire alarms, and the latter fear is still prevelant today. She has never liked loud sudden noises. She was late to develop skills of ball catching, shoe lace tying and even now, when she runs, she is flat footed and doesn't use her arms (although this didn't stop her coming third in the local area athletics championships for 100m!)

She doesn't really recognise subtle changes in mood - unable to tell the difference between anger and disappointment for example, but can get happy/sad/surprised.

The hardest part about Millie though, is her reluctance to be touched and cuddled, even by me. When I see her so distressed and anxious (she is the most anxious person I know) I just want to hold her safe, but it has taken me years and years to accept that what I can do for her is not what she needs or wants. This makes me very sad and has been a source of friction between us, especially as one of her coping mechanisms is self harm - something I want to make "better" for her.

There you go - a brief picture of my lovely, intelligent, fantastic daughter.

Is this a picture that is familiar to any of you? I'd love to know.

Thank you

N

Welcome to Wrong Planet. A lot of your description does sound very Aspie to me. I love the part about the Harry Potter names for her marbles! (I love Harry Potter too.) She sounds like a really cool kid.

I agree with annotated_alice it sounds like very Aspie to me. We've had trouble with self inures with my auntie son < short hand for someone with autism> and have had success with redirecting this to objects. Also sitting down with her and talking about what upsets her so they can be avoided or work out before she feels like the world is coming down on her head. She sounds like a great kid that has a mother that loves her wants the best for her. Welcome to wp

I agree with the others that she does sound very Aspie, and a lovely girl!

The self-harm must be very worrying for you, and maybe an assessment/diagnosis would provide a useful basis for addressing that.

And, of course, welcome to Wrong Planet!

We've started some counselling, individual and family, for the self harm. It is the youth workers who have been working with M that have highlighted the potential AS. They are in the process of sending a referral for assessment. Millie is very keen to know whether she is aspie, or whether she just has traits...

Thanks all for your welcome. I've felt somewhat isolated over the last few years as I don't know anyone in the same boat, at least not one with a girl. M's dad and I are divorced and he refuses to entertain the idea that she may have AS so I've had very few outlets for discussion and bouncing ideas around.

N

sounds very similar to my son who is now 20 yrs old. i can only touch him if he wants it, but there are 2 weird things to this,he was very affectionate with me as a child, but not with others even his dad or baby brother, the 2nd weird thing is that I am autistic as well, and i fully understand your daughter not wanting to be touched, it has nothing to do with you personally, i have been married 23 years and my husband knows when he kisses me i immediately wipe it off, also i cringe when he hugs me. I love him very much but i feel bad that he enjoys more affection than i do,try to find another way to get the satisfaction that a hug or cuddle would give you, maybe y'all could sit closely and look at the same computer, me and my son enjoy looking at homes on real estate sites together, or we look at LOL cats together, or joke sites and also we sit next to each other and look at his pictures of internet stuff on his computer. I know its not the same, but we don't mind sitting close to those we love, we wouldn't do it for strangers or even other family members we're not as close to. If this isn't what works for your daughter, find something else, but generally looking at interesting stuff on the computer together works.

My daughter would bite herself when she got frustrated, and she got frustrated a lot because her OCD pushed her to where we could not always accommodate her and she was non-verbal.

Maybe your daughter would like to be wrapped in a weighted blanket or a lead apron for comfort.

Oh, and welcome!