Start of a new school year and anxiety issues

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I hope someone can help with this. My son was diagnosed at age 13 in May 2009. Before this, every year about a month before school was to start, he would literally get so upset about the start of the new year, that sometimes it brought him to tears. He paces the floor in his room while trying to talk to me about it. Normally, he starts to cry he's so upset about it.

He always tries to come up with a logical reason why he doesn't need school. He wants to go on to College and do it online. Last year we tried what our state has to offer. Its called MOVIP (Missouri virtual instruction program). It was fantastic in the beginning but when my work hours picked up and he didn't have as much supervision to keep him on task he started slipping. When I say on task, I mean, when he is in a subject and he is doing something very interesting to him, he ignored the other subjects. So needless to say, when second semester started, he went back to public school.

He had what i guess is called a melt down July this year. As usual, a month before school. More pacing and crying in his room. It took me an hour and a half to get him calm enough to start relaxing. He couldn't get this stuff off his mind. This is when we figured out that calming music helps him.

Is there anyway I can prepare him more so he doesn't have these melt downs before school?

Thanks,

Calebsmom

Before we go to a new school, I usually take my son to the school and have him walk around and familiarize him with the layout of the school. He tends to NOT have much anxiety about school, so this may not be enough for your son. But it may be helpful to a small degree.

The other possibility is going back to virtual classroom situations, but keeping him on track is obviously a problem. Maybe writing out at night what the expectations will be for the following day would be good, if you haven't already tried that. Does your son think that college will be better for him than school is currently? If so, why? I just wonder if he thinks that he will be able to study what he wants in college, and that will lower his anxiety.

Thanks for your suggestions. I tried some of the things you talked about. Just like with the virtual instruction, I made a schedule for him to go by and it worked for awhile but he went back to the stuff he was interested in.

As to him wanting to skip all the way to college, you might have a point. I think he does think he will be able to study the things he wants to and that might make him think the anxiety will be less. On the other hand, his school gave him an IQ test last school season and he has a 180 IQ. They have said why he is so bored is that he is well above the level of his class mates. They have put him in the advanced group but it only covers Language Arts and 1 elective. So his other courses will be right on the 8th grade level. He is sort of disgusted with this because he feels they aren't doing enough to keep him stimulated. They have put a program in place for him so when he is having troubles or is on the verge of a melt down, he has somewhere he can go to calm down.

Well, first off, I would like to congratulate you on exploring alternatives to telling your son to shut up and go to school. It makes me happy when parents listen to the child's complaints and actually searches for a solution.

Now on to the practical matters. Your son is right, assuming you live in the US, there really is no purpose to graduating high school. The entire point of getting an education is to prepare you for a career. And well, high school diplomas (at least at the current time) prepare you for nothing. The only job you can get with a high school diploma is doing things like working in a department store selling items, or manual labor. And to be honest, you really dont need a high school degree to figure out how to work a cash registrar, or install a roof.

Furthermore, high school really hinders you with a bunch of unnecessary things. I mean if you are going to get a degree in engineering, then the mathematics and physics courses will be interesting and useful, but all the stuff about English, social studies, history, etc. will just be a waste of your time. Conversely, if your son wants a career in psychology, then all the math and physics courses will just be a waste of time. To be honest, with your son's passion for learning about things that interest him (a very aspie trait) he could easily learn everything that he needs to know by himself for his career just by reading the text book in his spare time. The only problem with that is nobody will hire your son for a job unless he has some proof of knowledge. Which is why people pay colleges so much for just for a slip of paper.

The only practical use for a high school education is so that you can use it to meet the college entrance requirements. And to be honest, that isnt even true. I took classes at my community college while still in high school, and I pretty sure they would have let me graduate with a degree without ever asking for a high school transcript. And if your college requires a high school diploma, all you need to do is pass a GED test (which only takes a day), to prove you have the same knowledge as an average high school graduate. And trust me, in the USA the standards for that is set really low.

Anyways, all that to say, perhaps you should sign him up for a GED test, and see how he does. My guess is that with a bit of study in some areas of weakness, he could probably pass the test on his second try.

If you are looking for something else, consider looking for a vocational school. I dont know what is around you, but you might have one of these in the area. When I was in high school I attended something called Oakland Technical Center:
http://www.oakland.k12.mi.us/Services/C ... fault.aspx

It is a very nice place. They offer training in several areas for about 3 hours per day (morning and afternoon shifts). The idea is that you would spend 3 hours in public school taking basic classes, and then 3 hours taking specialized classes at the center. I personally attended the section called Manufacturing Technology Academy (gotta love all the fancy names), where I learned how to operate CNC machinery, draft things up on the computer, more advanced physics, pneumatics, hydraulics, etc. It was a very useful step in my career as an engineer, and I really enjoyed going there. And they offer courses in several different areas. I know my center offered courses in culinary arts, and medical training. Something like this may be more your son's style.

Also, if you cant get a vocational school, or something else like that, I would consider the online home schooling option again. Odds are that your son has probably matured after a year and ready to try it again. Also, I would take time to emphasize good study skills. Do things like set aside a certain time durring the day for school work. Schedule for when things need to be done, and work out how to do things in order to accomplish them by the deadline. But perhaps more importantly, teach your son how to do this for himself. If you make his schedule for him, then it will help a bit, but not so much in the long run. Teaching him how to organize his own time by himself will help him greatly. And it easier to follow your own schedule then one made for you by somebody else.

Tracker has some really great ideas. I especially like the one about having your son make his own schedule up. I'm going to try having my son set up his own Google calendar for homework assignments, etc., this year. Not only does that provide a tech-savvy way of keeping on top of his schedule (appealing to Aspies), but it also sends text message reminders to his cell phone to remind him of what's coming up. Any kind of computer-related scheduler like this would be interesting to a kid on the spectrum, and would help teach one to keep control of one's own schedule.

When I read of your son's IQ, I realized that your son must be mind-numbingly bored at school. My son's a smart kid, but I don't think that he's fighting the kind of demons your son is because your son is so advanced. I wonder -- would it make sense to have your son take a GED, opt out of school completely, and go on to college? I would say that it's a risk, socially, but hey, socially he's probably not getting what he needs from his peers as it is.

Are there high schools (or something) available to really advanced kids? Where a kid like this would be challenged?

Your son may be too young to apply to take the GED test, I'm not sure what the laws are. He may be able to test out of certain levels so he's more challenged. If you are in the US, if you homeschool I believe you can take up to 2 classes in a high school. If there is any way to get him there, he could take the classes that he needs more supervision in the school, and home school the rest. All you pretty much need is English and Math, and maybe some history to graduate. Maybe a blended approach might work.

I would be heartbroken if my son got that upset over going to school. I hope you can find a way...I wish you a a lot of luck!

Wow, your son is incredibly gifted!

That leads me to wonder ...

One of the things my son absolutely cannot stand is disorder in the classroom. Last year, 4th quarter, he got a C in science, one of his absolute favorite subjects, one that he knows an incredible amount in, and one where he has long been the "go to" kid for fellow students and teachers alike. How the heck did THAT happen? Well, among other things, he admited to tuning out in class because everything was so chaotic he couldn't handle it. He would enter class agitated and frustrated, sit through class agitated and frustrated, and leave class grateful for it to be over. One things our kids tend not to have are good adapting and coping skills. The minute an environment is less than ideal, they become extremely negatively affected.

If you can, maybe mirror him for a day or two at school. Observe everything that is going on, and how he is reacting to it. See if you can find the sources of stress, and then work to address them. You know the sources of stress are there, or he wouldn't be so anxious. The trick is figuring them out.

Beyond that, keep looking for other schooling options. With his IQ most schools aren't going to be able to educate him at his level; a lot of flexibility is needed. If you can find an environment that does well tailoring education to meet individual needs, that would probably work well for him.

WOW! Everyone here has given me great things to think about. I am in the US and I don't think he is old enough according to our state to take the GED. Which he has begged me to do.

Tracker you sound just like my son! He always tells me how all the things they do in his school is totally useless and gets in his way! Sometimes I think this is another reason why he wants to go on to college. He thinks he will be able to study the things that are of interest to him. We have even tried to contact any students at MU and Devry to see if anyone would be willing to tutor him or even answer some tech questions for him. He loves figuring out new programs and designing programs of his own. All this tech stuff is something I can't help him with. When he starts talking tech terminology to me or tries to show me how to do tech stuff on the computer, I get aggravated because I feel it is over MY HEAD. Then he gets aggravated because he says Im not willing to learn.

The things he is highly interested in is obviously computers, foreign languages ( he has self taught himself in; Japanese, Korean (both due to his Karate) and now he is very interested in Latin! He loves this language!) He loves designing programs and loves to try to break other peoples programs that he feels there are flaws in them. When I say "break" I mean that he tries to improve on them.

Any way, Im going to try some of the suggestions that you all suggested.

Thank you so much,
Marilyn (calebsmom)

I forgot to add he is highly interested in music and all the different instruments. He plays sax, fiddles with the key board and guitar. He is now looking into an instrument that I believe is out of India. It has strings like a guitar but a totally different sound. He is trying to figure out how he can get his hands on one.

Your boy sounds like a doll . School was hard on me at that age and everyone I've spoken to has also said that those are the hardest years to get past. They are demoing my old school and all I can think is how much I'd love to push the button or even just watch the place. I'm a NT mother in my 30s of two boys 12 and 9 and the thought of that place still makes me ill. If you can find away to get him back in the online school and have him do his work I'd go for it. Sometimes you just have to lay it on the line with any kid. Tell him this is his last shot to get out of that place and it's in his hands to do his work on time. If not he'll be back in the hated middle school so fast his feet won't hit the floor on the way out the door.

That's probably because I was once in the same situation as him. I dont know what my IQ is, but I do know that I finished Calculus 2 at my local community college with an A+ while still in high school. So, probably a bit higher then average. And yes, I was bored stupid at high school, especially prior to eleventh grade when I got into the technical academy.

The only solution I found was to ignore the teachers and day dream while in class. I really didnt bother with actually learning anything until I got to study hall. I would just read over the chapters discussed in class and learn everything I needed to in about 20-30 minutes each day. Then I would play chess with the other guy in my study hall who did the same thing.

I so wish I could have just been left alone at home. I could have had an enjoyable day doing things that interested me, and then spend 20-30 mins learning rest of the junk our society deems necessary in order to pass high school. Our current education system really does suck. If anybody tells you that passing high school teaches you useful skills, or qualifies you for a successful life, thats a sign they are delusional.

Tracker just to let you know my son doesn't know his IQ either. The school and I thought it best for him not to know at this point. Felt it might hinder his way of thinking.