Computer Addiction

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I have a 13 y/o with very similar reactions to having to separate from computer/video games. I have noticed that his social behavior is worse for about an hour after getting off of the electronics. We refer to it by, "time to get into people-mode" prior to visiting with family, friends, or going out into public and he know that he requires that time. I understand that many Aspies benefit from the online social interactions and game related sucesses, but it seems to hurt him in the "real world." Even with buy-in from him that he's been on for the agreed time length he is more robotic and less interactive after electronic use. Is that something we just have to get used to? It doesn't outwardly appear to be anger related, just difficulty adjusting between worlds. I often wonder if it means he is getting too much computer time.

Well, good to here that you are making progress.

I will have to say that yes, she will probably want to play on the computer more then you might think is normal. But dont consider this to be a bad thing. The computer is an extraordinary tool which is very useful for expanding and stimulating your mind. Many games require critical thinking skills, problem solving abilities, and teach patience and perseverance. You really dont get those sorts of benefits from swimming around in a pool. Furthermore, games are a very good way to connect with other people, and develop relationships. It also teaches you useful skills needed in a modern day career. And of course it is a great source of relaxation and enjoyment.

The thing you primarily need to work on isnt limiting computer time, but merely making sure that priorities get done. Teach her that the more efficient she is at getting her work done, and accomplishing her responsibilities, the more time she will be able to enjoy on the computer. I wish life would allow people to just stay home and play on the computer all day long, but unfortunately, society wont function if we all do that. But if you have accomplished all that you need to do, then it makes sense to spend the remainder of your time doing something you enjoy.

Also, if your looking for ways to get her to exercise, try Dance Dance revolution. It is a game for the Xbox, or play station. I dont know if you have one of those systems, but if you do you can get the game and the pads off Ebay for only 20 bucks or so.

A lot of video games are based on physical activities or have some similarity to them. So, to get her to try being active, find a sport that's similar to the games she enjoys. If your daughter enjoys games like Counter Strike (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Counter-Strike), there are activities that create a similar experience in real life. Laser tag is a great example of it. You play on two teams, and shoot the opponents with laser beams. Social and physical aspects of it are extensive. You gotta run, duck to avoid being him, hide behind obstacles, walk quietly to avoid being seen, talk to teammates to come up with the best strategy, and use quick thinking to win the game.

You can also get her started on more laid-back sports, like pool or bowling. They involve being active in some way, so the health benefits are still there. (That is, if you don't cancel them out by snacking on junk food and soda while waiting for your turn.) Maybe she will enjoy horseback riding, since it seem popular among girls her age. Whatever you choose, make sure you get your daughter to buy into the idea that doing something physical in real life can be more fun than video games.

When I was growing up I perfered to watch TV (Internet was not around back than) rather than playing outside. What is your daughter's school life like? When O was her age I was picked on and made fun of by the other students. School was a living hell. Why would I want to go out and play? I like sports espicialy football so if there was a game going on I would go out and play. There were other times as well, but for the most part I would rather watch TV. Yes my parents had rules. I had to finish my home work before I could watch TV. The most important thing about TV in my my case and the computer in your daughter's case is that TVs and Computers don't make fun of or pick on us.
As far as nit eating vegtables goes. I'm not going to tell you that someday she is going to love all vegtabiles. While there will be some that she will never eat. As she gets older her diet will improve.

You can get a parental controls program that shuts the computer down after a certain amount of time. Might be worth looking into.
I have a 5 year old computer addict. He's brilliant on it which adds to the problem because he just wants to learn more and more. But if he uses it too long he gets very moody and frustrated. It took a few days to get the rules ingrained in him but now he knows. You have to set your limits and stick to them, even though it's painful for the first few days.

My younger NT brother has always had issues with spending too much time on the computer, but since he now has a job after school and he plays soccer, my parents dont mind him being on it for hours...as long as his chores get done too.My brother is now 17.

Get this....I am the same way as your daughter in many aspects.......except Im a 23 year old second year college student.I spend most of my time on a computer doing assignments, chatting online, posting on sites like wrong planet and free dominion, and listening to music when Im not at school or not at work (Im a courtesy clerk at a local grocery store).I am taking a paralegal course whereby many of my classmates hang in their little NT cliques and exclude me.Computer time is downtime for me....it is where i can socially interact without being judged;made fun of, excluded, or picked on.I get my exercise at work running around the whole store doing price checks....I like many veggies tho, but I have sensory issues with honey dew, cantaloupe, and eggplant...they make me gag for some reason...possibly smell and texture and strange taste to me..its hard to explain.

Does your daughter like pizza or lasagnia....you can sneak veggies into the lasagnia and pizzas have veggies on them too.Calzones also have veggies packed into them.

Plumrose, you’ve described my daughter, and Tracker, you have affirmed what I knew, but gave me better insight and ideas on how to keep her on the right track (see she’s now in a self study program to finish high school and I’m worried she is screwing around too much and will fall behind (she just started, so I can’t know she’s in trouble yet, but that’s been "the story of her life" since 2nd grade!) So getting together to talk about her goals and what she wants to accomplish every once in a while, without letting her know I’m trying to keep her on the up and up might be the perfect solution

Finally, DW a mom, my son sounds just like yours. My daughter was never diagnosed, and not given nearly enough attention or help in her issues, and now refuses help really, but my son, who was pretty autistic as a child, and now as a 13 years old is doing amazingly well, also loves to hike. My goodness, he goes on walks several times a day so I’m very lucky he is physically healthy! He wasn’t always so easy, but dang, he’s like a perfect child now! He is kind and loving to his little sister, polite and dedicated to doing as well as he can at school. I’m not sure what we did right, but I do remember many years of struggle and pain. It all seems to be going away and a “perfect” kid seems to be emerging. We have very few melt downs, almost too few. ‘course he’s just starting his teenage years…. So I may be speaking too soon, LOL.

Anyway, I really like the perspectives you’ve given me,Tracker, and I see the way I’d like to move forward with my daughter. I want her to be her own policeman and if she decides she needs to watch stupid cartoons n such for 3 hours at a time, I think I better just let her as long as she keeps up the schoolwork. And if she slips, we’ll have a “goal talk” that will be snuck in so she doesn’t feel it coming on the tail end of an argument or anything. LOL. Thanks again tons

I'm so happy to hear from all of you! I love getting perspectives from "both sides". Tory and Tracker and other have excellent insight into the "downtime" the PC allows them. My daughter has been out of school since mid-may and is not yet back in so she's not running away from anything as much as she's bored. But, when school starts I would imagine the PC is also a refuge for her.

The advice I got from Tracker and DW worked like a charm! I honestly didn't think it would but as long as there is a *system* by which she can control her usage, she's fine! We agreed that she had to get in 30 min of exercise per day and she chose swimming. Now, today it's raining and she's a little antsy because we are going roller skating later and she can't play the PC until she's done with exercise. However, on most days, she hops in the pool and forgets time because she's having such a good time. She is averaging an hour of swim time!

For veggies, I "let it go" because she agreed to a smoothie every weekday morning. In the smoothie I put soymilk, yogurt, banana, blueberries, and sweet potato puree (shhh). I have a cookbook called Deceptively Delicious and yes Tory, I do put purreed veggies, just a little bit, into her spaghetti sauce. As long as there are no bumps, then she doesn't notice. I don't do that much, just once in a while to boost her nutrition.

The only "battles" that still arise are impromptu decisions on my part like "Hey, can you pick up your room?" - wrong. She whines and delays and argues and ugh... If it's part of a system like "On weekends, since there is no homework to get done, we are going to sub picking up your room and making your bed. It only takes 10 minutes and then it's checked off so you can play on the PC." She can do it at any time or not at all but her PC time depends on it, then she seems to be fine. She'll even find other activities like reading or playing with our kittens if she's not ready. When she's ready, she gets her exercise in, bed made and off she goes.

Hope this helps and thanks again for all of your advice!

It could be that he's moving from a state of relaxation to being "on" and ready to interact with people. During the games he's probably resting those brain circuits, since being "on" can be pretty draining. I guess it could be counter-intuitive since people are usually more social and interactive when relaxed.

Exercise needs to be interesting. For instance martial arts are good for fitness and fun too.