Very Upset - Incident at school

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Well he went on Monday and all seemed to be fine. The ASD teacher watched and said he joined in fully. At one point near the end he wandered off and sat near the trees then came back to the others when he was beckoned. On one occasion he lied down on the grass, but I think he enjoyed being 'hoisted' back up by the coach if that makes sense. He certainly didn't seem upset. I think he enjoys running around on the pitch (there are two other ASD kids who also participate) and the interaction with the other children but not necessary the actual sport/rules of play side of things. So, maybe fine for now - but as the sport gets more serious as he gets older then he may not enjoy it so much. I will keep a close eye on things.

Thanks for the update. Glad it seemed to go well

Yes, age changes things. Which is why it can be good to provide the experience while its still a positive one.

Instill in him a superiority complex. Keep reminding him that he's much smarter than the bullies and will end up higher in the socioeconomic latter later in life and that's what really matters in the long run. Remind him that noting in life is more inconsequential than sports or a childhood social life.

I love that idea of a superiority complex and always try to build up my son's confidence. My husband and I take the view that Aspergers is a gift, not a disability. I also have an NT son. Both boys are wonderful and talented but in different ways. After all, they both have my genes

IMO this has to be tempered with reality, otherwise he may grow up with a real attitude problem. Yes, it's good to instill confidence in our children. But it can be just as bad if they grow up thinking that they're smarter or better than everyone else too.

The reality is they need to first get through grade school, middle school, high school & then college. Then they have to get a job and deal with co workers in the real world. Being a know it all who thinks that they're superior to everyone else is going to ruffle a few feathers along the way, even if they are intelligent.

Hey, that's what my parents told me, too. It didn't work vey well at all. Surely the reality is that in general, those whose self-esteem is crushed by bullies end up lower in 'socioeconomic status' than their skills would suggest? Adult life is *directly* connected to childhood social life. One is an extension of the other, we are not creatures that metamorphose! And having a lower socioeconomic status is twice as difficult to deal with when allied with a superiority complex...

As a parent too, I know how difficult it feels to deal with watching your children suffer. There's no easy answer as you can't be watching them all the time. I think a healthy, compassionate education system would exempt those who are less physical from all sports. What's really awful is when you can see that the so-called adult supervisors understand the abuser more then the victim. They are also thnking the child is a clumsy idiot, and can hardly hide it underneath a veneer of smarm.

I'd go with the martial arts suggestion. It's not 100% foolproof, but can really help confidence and body awareness, especially for boys as physical presence is important in getting through school and work.

BTW My son attended a few football sessions when he was aged 6, too. As I remember, about half the boys at that age tended to wander off and get interested in other things! I thought there was far too much emphasis on explaining tactics and offside rules to 6 year olds who just wanted to have fun running around and kicking a ball. Of course there were 2 or 3 who were in their element, had natural talent and the whole sessions revolved around these, the rest may as well not have been there. I thought that it is the ones wanting fun who are more normal at that age and those who were fanatically competitive were the odd ones. The coaches didn't agree, though....

Indoor rock climbing has been great for my son (age ... it's very much a 'parallel play' sport, in that several people can climb the same (indoor gym) wall even if they are at different levels of ability, without recrimination. Very much a "go for your personal best" sport, rather than a win/lose activity. It's also about taking turns rather than a group effort.

Bowling has also been fun. In leagues, they pair you up and they handicap scores, so if you usually bowl 100 and someone else bowls 120, you get an extra 20 points each game to keep it fair. So it has some win/lose and team aspects, but softer than most team games.

The biggest barriers for us in sports have been his easy disorientation in team sports (what's going on, who is supposed to act, what the play is), and distress at losing. So I admit I'm leaning away from team sports to the solo or parallel ones (the above ones, or running, or swimming), and I favor activities that are less win/lose and more 'challenge yourself'.

Basically, just find something active and fun that's low stress. That's good advice for all of us.

Good luck!

Indoor rock climbing has been great for my son (age 8)... it's very much a 'parallel play' sport, in that several people can climb the same (indoor gym) wall even if they are at different levels of ability, without recrimination. Very much a "go for your personal best" sport, rather than a win/lose activity. It's also about taking turns rather than a group effort.

Bowling has also been fun. In leagues, they pair you up and they handicap scores, so if you usually bowl 100 and someone else bowls 120, you get an extra 20 points each game to keep it fair. So it has some win/lose and team aspects, but softer than most team games.

The biggest barriers for us in sports have been his easy disorientation in team sports (what's going on, who is supposed to act, what the play is), and distress at losing. So I admit I'm leaning away from team sports to the solo or parallel ones (the above ones, or running, or swimming), and I favor activities that are less win/lose and more 'challenge yourself'.

Basically, just find something active and fun that's low stress. That's good advice for all of us.

Good luck!

Thanks Sandy, good advice.