Little interest in play

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My 4.5 year old AS son has very little interest in play(independent or with other children). He does not build things, he doesn't play with legos, or action figures. He will roll toy cars around, but I think that may be because one of his special interests is car makes and models. All he will do is roll them around though. No interest in setting up tracks to run them on or anything else. He will say that he wants to do playdough, and when we get it out, he walks around holding it, and will not try to make anything with it. He won't color pictures in a coloring book. He likes to draw with markers, but will draw the same thing over and over!
Even as a baby, he hardly cared about baby toys....I understand the not wanting to play with other kids, but it is so hard to understand why he won't play things on his own. It is very frustrating at times!
Any suggestions to get him interested in something would be great. Oh, he is also an only child which makes it even more challenging---I adore my little boy, but it makes me sad to not see him play very much at all.

Maybe he is mostly "playing" in his head?

You could try engaging his interest in vehicles for short conversations, if he will talk about his interests with you it may not be "play", but I am sure he would think it is fun that you are interested.

Uh, I wrote you a reply yesterday but it never got posted.
Anyway, my 5 yo son also doesn't play. He has train table, airports, lots of building things (knex, legos, magnetic things) and so on, but he never played with any of those. He would ride cars and fly airplanes occasionaly but never played in any "proper" way. In his IEP he even has a goal of "proper using of play materials". Lately he is playing with a hanger, just tapping it (stim obviously) and talking about things that interest him (animals).
So yes, I am slightly frustrated since play is important for learning and social interactions but I try to look at it from a bright side. He is not easily bedazzled thus he would be able to concentrate on important things in his life. He won't waste money on numerous toys and latest gadgets. The reason why I am not so upset is that I think he got it from us. Our home is spartan/minimalist, our cell-phones are several generations old and prepaid, TV is not flat screen, and this is not because we are poor (we are upper middle) or cheap. Simply things are bought when they are needed not because of latest fashion. Of course like I said, our son had lots of toys and we would buy all the age appropriate toys but lately I gave up on piling up simply because he never uses them.
Anyway I believe that this minimalist ability helped us getting far in life since we are both phds and inventors. Thus I am hoping that it will help our son down the road. So take a positive look at it.

My 5yo son was the same but is improving. I can't say that it'll work for others and it is very time consuming but what I do is repeatedly play with him in ways that can help him socialize trough play (not logical games). Mostly he'll play by repetition but he's starting to improve a little his improvise. He's got a big collection of hot wheels cars but would only play if I played along, which I did. He has 2 hot wheels race tracks but he prefers the hot wheels video game. He started to get an interest in those cars but he would just line them up and count them all the time, but because his memory is very good he started to play repeating the actions and plots I'd invented in other ocasions or from the video game.
Then we started to buy action figures (gormitis) and I play with him all the time, we go on youtube to watch the videos (sometimes I'm spying on him and his watching the videos and imitating them with the figures he owns), we're playing that all the time till he got so fond of them that he takes a couple to bed with him every night and he knows all their super powers. We've even assigned each figure to one of his classroom friends because he would never talk about school and so we have the figures fighting and then going to the cafeteria and the whole routine at school. It's incredible that he just remembers which classmate is each figure.
Before bed I read him a story and have him "read" to me (or to his baby sister) a baby book. He can't read but I try that he improvises the story by looking at the pictures. We've come to a stage that he doesn't really show much imagination to improvise but he doesn't instantly refuse to try and if most of the times I end up improvising the story (in the simplest way) sometimes he comes up with something that can be considered improvise and I praise him.

This is a very interesting topic to me.

First all, know that I am neurotypical. When I was a child, I did not want to play with any of my toys. I had a super duper train set, Lincoln logs, cars, trucks...as a kid, I was decked out with toys, but I had no interest in running the train, building with the logs, racing the cars, etc.

I wanted to be outside. Period. Once I got outside, I had a million things to do. I would play in the dirt, literally, for hours. I would watch bugs for hours. I would investigate shrubbery, dig holes, chase birds, bury the cars and trucks I had, gather sticks, collect rocks, etc. If it was raining, all the better.

To this day, with the exception of my guitars, all my "toys" are outside toys. And my biggest obsession? I'm a climber - rock, ice, mountaineering. That's no coincidence. I don't want to be inside.

For whatever that is worth.

The question I have is, how does he like to spend his time? Does he entertain himself? I remember one AS adult describing how he would stare at a brick wall, and divide it into people, and then count them. Very creative when you think about it, but completely invisible to anyone watching him.

AS kids seem to fall into two groups when it comes to play. Those who don't seem to understand the purpose of toys et al, and don't seem to be able to engage in imaginative play, v. those who are busy inventing their own use for the toys, or modeling out their own, and want to control the play of anyone they share them with. My AS child was and is very creative in how he plays, but he absolutely wants it to be his way, his ideas (as he grows he has learned to loosen up on that). Others seem to be the opposite ... but since its a different manifestion of the same condition, I am wondering what the commonality is, and if that would give us all some more insight.

You are what my son hopes to be

I don't think it's split down the middle like that because both of your descriptions would very well have described me.

Different situations or types of toys? Split down the middle how?

Your reference to the two groups that AS kids fall into. I fit into both. I didn't understand what other children were doing when they played regarding the way they used toys, but I did draw and try to fabricate things on my own which I wanted complete control over and would store them up high so no one else could touch them or mess them up. I don't think it's so cut and dry like you said is all.

Ah. I would have put you in the "play your own way" group. Am I missinterpreting what parents are saying when they say their children have no interest in play? Or is it possible their kids are playing and they don't recognize it? It would be interesting for those parents to give their take on it.

^In my case I don't think it would have been recognized as playing. Organizing, manufacturing/making, giving orders to others and not seeming to know how to play or have fun. I was fine on that score. Fun was of no consequence or concern to me.

glad to hear that, more brain power and fresh ideas are always needed . I hope he doesn't change his mind when he grows up.

Thanks for all of the responses. I guess after reading these and thinking about it, my son does do things to keep himself entertained, but he is definitely not the type that is trying to figure out how things work, taking them apart, building things, etc...

He loves to draw, but he draws the same things over and over. He will go through stacks of paper, so sometimes I get him to draw on his magnadoodle to save paper!

He loves music. For a while he would come home from school and just want to sit in his chair and listen to music. All kinds---classical, rock, dance, kiddy music. I let him do it for a while but was getting concerned that he was doing it too much. Now he is into videos. At first it was "Cars the Movie", now it is Blue's Clues. I am letting him do that too, but am concerned that he might be doing it too much. He sings really good, so I am taking him to a little music class with other kids his age which he seems to enjoy.

He likes to go outside, but doesn't really play. He just likes to run around. Sometimes, we go for walks in the neighborhood because he likes to look at all of the cars in peoples driveways! He has never wanted to dig with a shovel or look for bugs, etc...Sometimes he will kick a ball with a lot of prompting, but sports are definitely not an interest.

He has tons of toy cars, and he will get them out and roll them around, sometimes he makes them go places, but usually if I try to help him expand the play, he isn't interested.

He also has an IEP that has a goal of "playing with toys appropriately."

Oh, he does seem to love books, so we do read together. And he will do simple puzzles with me if I coach him along.

I guess it is just concerning that he doesn't seem to have a lot of motivation in this area. However, I do agree with one of the posters that it can be a positive from the standpoint that he is not always begging us for new toys that he only plays with for a few minutes!! We usually have to think creatively to come up with ideas for Christmas presents.

I haven't given up hope, I will keep trying new things, just trying to accept my unique little boy for who his is!

Me too. I think its really easy to get discouraged, and I already see that coming into play. I don't want him to ever give up on dreams. Rechannel and fine tune as pragmatically needed, sure. But give up? No. I worry that world will do that to him.

I've never understood that one. I mean, if a child is breaking all the toys, that is one thing, and he needs to learn to do something else. But if he's just ignoring them? Does it matter?




I have faith that you'll do the right things by him, and find the right balance. You're thinking and talking and asking; that is what helps us all feel it out.