haircut

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Hi, I am literally struggling with my 9 1/2 year old son about getting a haircut -- he refuses to get a haircut and his hair is growing very long. He has been ridiculed at school for looking like a girl. When he was a little boy, he would get all antsy about getting a haircut until we found someone who was really great. She had a very soothing voice and was the only one who could cut his hair with no problems but unfortunately she left on her maternity leave and we never went back. After that, it was a constant struggle, one time my son threw a brush across the room when a hair stylist tried to come over and look at his hair. I was sooo embarrassed and also he tried to kick a stylist in the leg. So I gave up and cut his hair at home. Last year, he let me cut his hair but after that, he would not let me cut his hair. He gets really agitated when cut hair falls on his shoulders and haircut comes very hard for him.

Am I the only one who is facing this kind of dilemna? This is sooooo frustrating because school is almost here and I don't want him to get constantly teased and also maybe other parents may whisper behind my back that I'm not a good parent for having my son get a haircut. This is very hard to deal with and also he will only wear sweats and long sleeves. Nothing else.

Do you think a behavior therapist will help in these areas? We had him in a OT but he absolutely hated her so I had to pull him out.

I am at my wits' ends and feeling very frustrated and even depressed over this whole thing.

He sounds like me... just I'm about 2.5x his age.
I'm tempted just to grow my hair long and get dreds... then I never have to get it cut

There are two issues here. One is the cosmetic choice to want long hair. The other issue is your son's tactile/comfort space issues. The first issue (I believe) is up to your son. 9 is old enough to decide on hairstyle. If the teasing doesn't bother him and he actually wants long hair, then maybe let him have that choice.
OTOH, if he isn't resisting the haircut for that reason and doesn't like the teasing, then you need to find a way to get him in the right hair salon. Cities have "kids" salons where there are videos and video games. However, the professionalism varies greatly among the stylists. I found that very bubbly girls or soft-spoken Black women are best for cutting my son's hair. There is something in Black culture that is very accepting of developmental differences. Most other women's voices get strained and high-pitched when my son couldn't sit still or understand the instructions. Even if they are specializing in kids, they can be very impatient and intolerant. He may need someone who is calmly speaking to him while "ignoring" his behavior.
We took him to a Barber once and he behaved but he later said he didn't like it and wouldn't go back.

What Kim said.

Also,

Don't worry about what other parents think. They don't have your child to deal with. So far as a behavioral therapist, I don't know. I'm a strong proponent of involving the child in decisions that involve the child, let him be your guide. But I don't know your child.

I don't expect a lot from my son in terms of NT behavior but getting haircuts is one of them. We have never been able to take him to a barber; I cut his hair in a crewcut every 6 weeks or so at home. He does freak out, kick, and hit at times. I use a combination of bribery (I let him download a game demo, or I even buy him a game) and threats (I will not let him use the computer) until he gets the haircut.

The buzz cuts at home are great because they're so short, they last a long time.

Clean clothes, brushing teeth, doing homework, and no violence are the other things I expect of him. My demands on him are very basic...

I always used to hate getting my hair cut. So like your son, it often got quite long and I got ridiculed for that. The best solution for me was to find a barber that didn't operate in a shop (i.e. full of noise and other people) and where I could make an appointment. The appointment meant it was more structured which I think helped me. Eventually that couldn't happen any more because she went away on maternity leave.

Now I have found an even better solution, I just don't get my hair cut. I got a bit of ridicule, but thats stopped now. It also allowed me to do something good, which was get my head shaved for charity. That was over two years ago now, so I am thinking about doing it again. I think this is the best plan because; I only have to have a haircut every two years, said haircut is free, and it somehow raises money for charity.

So I think you should let your son's hair get long, whats the problem with long hair?

my son refuses to get his hair cut, but at least he's been able to explain why~ between the proximity a hairdresser needs to be to him to cut his hair, and the sound of the clippers and/or scissors so close to his head...he just can't take it.
the students of mine who are very low-functioning, non-verbal & who refuse to get haircuts are in luck ~ we have an in-house barber who, with much assistance, will cut hair. parents, of course need to give permission.
do you know any other parents who could give you suggestions for a good local hair salon ?

I was reading this post earlier about haircuts and thinking about my son, (has not been diagnosed yet, but I know has some AS issues) he HATES the hair falling on his face with a purple passion. I cut his hair at home and I know I have a short window of time, so I just use clippers and give him a short cut.

I suddenly thought about these plastic shampoo visors that I have seen before to keep shampoo out of their eyes! I think it might work for short cuts, you would have to take it off for the sides and back probably, but usually the worst is the top portion of hair.

Just thought I would pass it on, maybe it might help.

Laura

Our son used to scream, cry, kick, holler, it was a NIGHTMARE. Most schools I've dealt with have policies on hair length, and my son's school boys hair can't be in the eyes, over the ears or below the collar. For years I just shaved it (and his hair is sooo thick) because that cut lasted a long time.

Once we got his dx, and he got older and calmer, we discovered it was A: the hair falling and B: the clippers. Now he goes to a local cosmetology school, they tend to be younger and much more patient and likely to be able to talk to him about things he knows, and they give him the cut we like but with scissors. They put one of those "disk" things around him so the hair doesn't fall even on the sheet cover they give you because even that would get him going. He also puts a washcloth from home up against his forehead to keep the hair from hitting his face.

He was actually asking all week when he was getting his "back to school" haircut.

good idea about the cosmetology school...hadn't thought about that