Questions for the parents

Post Reply New Topic

My psychiatrist said I have characteristics of Aspergers. So I am on hearing learning more and asking questions but I have a question for the parents. Do you ever get aggravated with mis-communication and your children not understanding and you keep trying to explain it? My aunt seems to get really agitated when that happens. What would you suggest for her to do when I spend time with her and that happens? I hope I explained that well.

Thanks to anyone who answers.

It is frustrating to have communication difficulties with anyone. So, yes, a parent can get aggrevated when trying to explain a concept to a child that the child just isn't getting. All one can do is keep trying. At some point, maybe, you can both agree to talk about it "later." Sometimes stepping away from a conversation for a while gives you both a fresh take on it so that when you try again, the barriers finally cross.

Thanks DW_a_mom. That's a good Idea i will use that for whenever it happens with anyone

I am sometimes guilty of talking to me and not to my audience. There are many ways to explain the same thing. I try to break it down to its simplest components, use different angles, analogies, metaphors....Should those fail...then I break away to another subject

First, I suggest that you explain to your aunt that you are really trying to understand her and are listening as best as you can.

Then, if you have AS, it might be hard for you to grasp abstract concepts. Or, breaking down phrases and phrasal verbs.

That is, if you are literal minded. You might not be. You could also be an extremely visual person who has a hard time

with language. There may be a delay between what your aunt says and the time it takes for you to process it.

There are other explanations as well. But the important thing is for you aunt to take the time to understand your situation and be patient with you.

Have you brought this question to your psychiatrist?

Are you seeking a diagnosis? Once you have that, your aunt will have hard evidence that you need her understanding.

Keep asking questions!

I was going to suggest the visual aspect too. Maybe it would help if your aunt could give you a visual of something that she is trying to explain. Or give a very meaningful example to you that would touch on your own personal experiences or tie in something that you have a special interest in. For example, I am starting to try and teach my 5 yr old about money. He doesn't really seem that interested, but I know he loves Volkswagon Bugs. So, the other day, I said "If you want to buy a VW bug one day, then you will have to start saving up your money! " He looked at me and it seemed like maybe a light bulb went off.

Sometimes, I just keep trying to explain things to my son in different ways or using different words hoping that something will get through. I do try to talk in short concise sentences with as few words as I can in hopes that he will understand. It does get frustrating, but with a lot of patience, she may be able to help you understand.

Good luck to you!

I am trying to learn to explain things to my daughter as if she comes from a different culture where all the rules are different. When she asks me why something is a certain way, whether it be social or just a rule, I'm starting to get into the habit of looking at it as if it's the first time I'VE questioned why, and then explaining it to her in a very basic but NOT condescending way. After all, she's very smart, and if I can find the right way to explain it, she usually does get it and is satisfied.

My advice to your aunt, then, would be to try to imagine that the two of you are from different cultures. I don't know if that will help or not, but it is helping me be much more patient, which also helps me be calm enough to think and explain more clearly.

From a parent's perspective, I would say that the frustration comes in when it seems like my daughter is purposely zoning out, not paying attention, or being defiant. I suppose if she said "I'm really trying to understand but I'm not getting it." then I would know that she needs a different approach. If she asks me about something specific she's not getting, then I know what is confusing her. If she is really thinking but seems like she's distracted instead, it's often hard to tell so she's learned to say "just a minute".

hi i am a parent of an AS shild but i also have AS i have found that i think with pictures if someone says stop the first thing i see is a stop sign then i get the meaning,this may in no way help your aunty but it might help you to understand yourself,i have trouble with words that dont have pics like the,and,if,maybe i find it hard when there are picture words in a sentence that also has no picture words EG if the dog barked what do you do (this is just a stupid sentence just to show you what i mean) all i would see is a dog a piece of tree bark and a person because the other words dont have pictures so try and make out from what i can see what the sentence is trying to say its almost impossible,most AS people think the same way and thats why when an NT talks to an AS they have trouble understanding or take a long time to do what has been asked of them because they have to sort through the pictures and try to get them to make sense hope this helps.

You obviously spend a lot of time with your aunt for this to be an issue.

I see that you are diagnosed AS. Does she know? Is she open minded about it? Is she willing to be taught some strategies?

Until I understood that my son has AS, I used to think he was just getting smart with me when he was actually not understanding exactly what I meant.

Now I know:

Not to use loud or screeching tones. He won't hear the content, just the horrible noise I'm making. I speak to him calmly no matter what the situation is.

Not to be so verbose with him. The only out come will be that he shuts down and doesn't hear anything but babble.

Ask him to carry out chores in precise speech. Eg. I once asked him to "bring the towels in off the line." He went out and came in with only the items which had "towel" in their name. If I'm washing towels, I usually chuck in tea towels, hand towels, face washers, bath mats etc. He wasn't being smart, he was thinking literally."Bring everything in off the line." would have achieved the desired result.

Don't talk to him when I know very well that he can't respond or concentrate. Eg. He's in melt down mode, he's engrossed in a particular intense interest, has pushed himself and done something he doesn't usually do and needs time alone to reflect, etc.

I hope this was helpful. Good luck!

I am now diagnosed with Aspergers by my psychiatrist. I also know what helps is when someone tells me to do something like my mom, for chores she needs to right it done and I get everything done. I also get things done my way my time, my speed. My Aunt now knows my diagnoses, but I haven't seen her in a month or two because of what happened last few times I wasn't comfortable seeing her yet.

I also have Auditory Processing Disorder, so it also adds to the problem of not understanding verbally and loosing some words and such. Sometimes I hear everything understand nothing. Or something I hear nothing or little parts.

For me it seems like my aunt can help her clients but when with me or my grandma gets really agitated. Because we don't understand or answer right away or have to think awhile or don't do the things she likes them to be done. I have been close with her my whole life and now its starting to be a problem. I think it's because I have started staying longer over her house rather than a night or two.

Sometimes I just pretend I understand what someone says just for them not to get annoyed, aggravated or angry and yell at me.

I'm so glad you've got your diagnoses, that should make it easier to work out strategies for your daily life.

Yes,l I am happy I got it too. And it will make it easier