Some parenting questions please?

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This isn't exactly related to parenting AS children exactly but I wanted your views as parents on some things please? 2 issues. The first the 8 year old sister (I suspect of being on the spectrum she has IMO a lot of traits) she also has a learning disability. She still whines if she doesn't get her way. It's interesting today she whined a lot! Mom simply says NO! or pops her on the arm. (she did today) While this evening with dad we were in Walmart and she walked around with a $10 plush cat toy dad then said ok put down the toy lets go now you aren't going to whine for it are you? Her: No. Well ok then if you do math sheets later this week that'll be good in exchange for buying the $10 cat toy. Dad compromised with her and was nice about it while Mom usually goes NO! STOP WHINING etc. So my 1st question is 1) Does your child whine if they don't get there way and when/if ever did they get out of this stage?

Secondly. My 10 year old sister went to a Halloween Party tonight at a friends house this friend is on the SAME ROAD as us! SAME TOWN SAME ROAD! You can walk to her house HELL you can SEE HER HOUSE from ARE HOUSE OK!! !! Well the 10 year old asked to sleep over. Mom/dad were deadset NO! The reason being is they don't know her parents. Well IMO I look at her social status what if other friends stayed she'd feel bad parents: WE DON'T CARE!! !! IMO how about Monday school talk of X girl stayed at the sleepover and my little sister feeling bad. WE DON'T CARE!! !! They hate when I give my opinion on raising my little sisters but like I said above IT'S THE SAME ROAD SHEESH!! ! I would have let her stayed but that's me!! !! So what's your take on the sleepover issue?


Thank You fellow parents. I like getting insight from a PM friend but she suggested the parent board since there are parents with experience with children on/off the spectrum so thanks!

I wouldn't care if its the same road or not. I'm not letting my kid sleep over somewhere whose parents I don't know. I don't know what's going on behind closed doors. Even people you think you know could be into some crazy stuff you are totally unaware of.

I don't find that odd either. Seems completely reasonable.

My daughter whines she doesn't get what she wants. She's only 2 though, so that's pretty normal. I expect she'll grow out of it if we don't give in too much.

I'd never let a kid sleep over with someone whose parents I didn't know. Safety comes before social standing.

huh guys...i'd never let my kid sleep at someone's place if i dont know them, but if it's important to the child , why not go and MEET the parents?? i mean it's on the same street, it's hardly a lot of gas money........or whatever. i think there is something you don't know about, zeldapsychology. Maybe your parents have some kind of grudge about the other child's parents that you don't know about, the mother looked at your mother weird at the grocery store or something. basically i'd say there must be something else than "we don't care"but they don't want to tell you about it.

Interesting replies thanks guys.

I do my best to say yes when I can.....

So, for the cat....If I hadn't already spent too much $4 on yesses, I would try to find a way to have the kids earn the yes, However there are limits so one day it could be yes, another day it could be no. It may be hard to know which way I will go without knowing how my budget is looking.

In that vein of saying yes, I agree - I wouldn't allow the kids to sleep at strangers homes, but I would just meet the family. Unless of course I knew something that the kids didn't know and isn't appropriate to share. For instance DS was asking to go to a friend's home. I said let's have said friend here. When the mom and I spoke on the phone to make the arrangements, mom sounded drunk. Needless to say, DS will not be sleeping there nor will he be privvy to the why. That is an adult decision, for which I will not be sharing the basis.

we dont let our children stay at someones house if we dont know them very well. we broke this rule once and only once and let our oldest stay with a friend whose parents we had only met once. when our son came home, he told us how his friend told him that he had been molested by his older brother who still lived at home we have never broken that rule since. we tend to be very conservative when it comes to our children going to other homes or even playing outside.

I never let my kids sleep over at someone's house if I didn't know the parents. I was happy to have other kids sleep at our house if their parents felt comfortable with it but not the other way around.

As far as whining is concerned, all kids mature at a different rate but I think a lot has to do with how a parent handles whining. If a parent gives in every time the child starts to whine, the child learns that whining is effective and will continue do it as long as it gets her what she wants. Heck, I've seen 16 year old kids whine because they knew their parents would give in if they did it long enough.

If the girl, her house, and parents stay that close, how hard would it be for your parents to walk over there and get to know them? I could understand not staying the first night, but if these girls want to be firends, your parents should try to get to know the other girls parents. Just my opinion.

There might be a couple of things going on with the whining. Sometimes parents giving in to whining makes it worse, but an 8 year old might not have internalized that whining gets you nowhere; kids will keep whining until they figure out that it isn't a good strategy, which depends on both the kid and the situation. I also think that some kids on the spectrum have a harder time understanding that no means no - it is, after all, a social/communication situation - and they may take longer to grow out of whining. Unfortunately, as a bystander there isn't much you can do.

I'm with all the other parents about not sending your kid to a house where they don't know the parents - and I will add, though the ideal situation is to go meet the other parents so they aren't strangers - but there may not be time to do so in every situation.

well.... considering we are on a parenting autistics forum, and apples dont fall far from the tree....

walking over there and getting to know them may be pretty dang hard

i am not autistic but am pretty introverted, and this would be a difficult task for me. for my autistic so, its simply not possible to knock on a strangers door. he would curl up and die in their driveway long before he reached the door. i think for us, our conservative nature with our children visiting others is not just for their safety, but partly its our own self preservation. i doubt we are the only parents in that boat.

That is very well said. I know when I have to deal with meeting new people I have what I like to call a mental checklist. Goes something like this..
1. Meet new people?! *gasp...groan...deep breath*
2. Do anything possible to stop this from happening.
3. If it is not possible to stop...Hand off to NT wife.

Then again My oldest son *7 years old* is like me with AS so this is a situation I just do not have to worry about. He cares very little about social status and even less about staying the night at persons house. On the otherhand my Youngest is 2 years old and already making friends at daycare and such....So it was decided that my wife setup and handle playdates. Its a win win situation for both of us.

My therapist gave me hell about it, but I just can't deal with playdates. The setting them up isn't so hard as the having to entertain another mom during them. I give it over to my husband whenever possible.

So true!

But I put up with as much crap as possible because I want to set a good example for my kids.

Meeting other parents is not too bad since you automatically share a special interest, your kids. Once the conversation moves beyond that it can get awkward. So ... What do you think of the new Rammstein album?

Hi there, Zeldapsychology

1) Whining: My 9 year old NT daughter was never a whiner. Sometimes she'll persistently ask for things in the supermarket, though. Occasionally I'll buy the thing, at other times I'll say a firm "no". If she keeps asking after that, I'll firmly say "stop asking or I won't let you come to the supermarket with me next time" That might sound harsh but I've had issues with her asking and asking and asking for things in supermarkets in the past. My 5year old daughter who has autism is a big whiner. It's an annoying habit that she has started in the past few months. I don't think it's necessarily an ASD thing, though. I think it depends on kids' personalities, there are some kids who are 12 and still whine! I think that would just drive me nuts. I think your parents' idea of getting your sister to EARN the plush toy by doing her maths homework is a good idea. It's better for her to earn things properly than with just whining.

2) Sleepovers: I think a lot of parents are worried about pedophilia these days. Child sex
crimes seem to be frighteningly common these days and the victims are pretty much
always abused by someone they know. It can just involve one incident but the victim is
scarred for life. No parent wants their child, especially a girl, sleeping over at a stranger's
house where *anything* could be happening behind closed doors, in the dead of the night.
The location of the house doesn't really make a difference. Maybe your parents don't want
to get to know the other parents because they've already heard bad things about them on
the grapevine (eg. That they use dope. Some parents really do! At my younger daughter's
school, there's a mom who brags about using ecstasy. Would I want my kid at her house?
Hell no!) or they just don't like the look of the parents... They may have seen them on the
school grounds... Maybe they just looked rough or dodgy or whatever.

I've only let my older NT daughter sleep over at one friend's house. I know the mom quite
well and I know her daughter is sensible and well behaved, so I let my daughter go. With
other friends, I might not be so sure.