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Hello, I am the mother of a 13 year old son with Asperger's. I'm finding the middle school years to be very difficult for him and am wondering how best to support him and help him cope with the challenges that the teen years face.

It seems that he has realized how different he is than his peers and is struggling to determine where he fits in. This has caused him to show signs of depression - and that breaks my heart. He has always been confident about himself and that seems to be wavering right now. I explained that middle school sucks for everyone - not just Aspies and this is just a bump in the road and it will pass.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks!

Traci

Hi BulldogofaMom,

Welcome to WP!

I don't know much and I'm certainly no psychologist, but for what it's worth both my brother and I had a very hard time in middle school. He got depressed and even had to be homeschooled for awhile. We were both on meds (and I still am). I'd say the most important thing in those days (for me anyway) was to have a good, supportive homelife. That way school was just something to be tolerated each day and then I could go home relax and recharge for the next day's assault. For whatever reason my brother didn't like being at home either and seemed angry at our parents so he was denied this refuge. I don't really know what to say if your son is like this. For my brother I just let him be on his own as much as possible as this seemed to be what he wanted, but I guess parents can't do this. I'd say the most important thing is to listen and be sympathetic.

Other than that I'd say the thing that would have helped most is to have friends or at least someone he can relate to. I was not able to relate to anybody in middleschool. Now that I'm in grad school I've found that I relate well to several people that I suspect of having AS. If there is an ASD group in your area I would strongly recommend going; there might be other teenage boys with AS there that he would be able to relate to. I also think it would be a good idea for him to get an account here at WP if he hasn't already. I think 13 is old enough, and there is a kid's forum. Maybe parents will have other ideas.

Anyway, Good Luck!

Thanks for your replies thus far.

SunConure - very good advise and I can assure you that my so has a very supportive home life - we love the kid to bits. Thank you for the suggestions. I was wondering if 13 was too early to introduce him to forum life. We are also woking on the friend thing as well. Today his teacher called and said he was hanging with another boy today who is also kind of a loner. Hopefully they will hit it off. I got him a cell phone so he could text - but so far, he rarely has it turned on and the only numbers in it are for family.

So I am curious - for the others how would you have liked your parents or the school to make it less traumatic for you? Eating lunch outside of the lunch room, doing your free time work away from others? What could have made it easier for you?

My son's primary issues are sensory and social. It seems like the other kids are intentionally doing things to set him off. Mean for sure - if that is truly the case.

My son is also 13 and I think a comment he made the other day may give some insight. He was feeling very frustrated with his friends and thinking that maybe he'd be happier without friends. Except ... from a short period last year where he had a falling out with his friends he learned that if you don't have friends, you don't get left alone. Middle school kids go after the loner. If you have friends, any friends, you are more likely to be left alone.

So ... even if your son doesn't really want to have friends, if he can get together with some other loner kids and create the appearance of having friends, it will help. I realize that isn't nearly as simple as it sounds, but I thought my son's comment about what happens as soon as you are perceived as being on your own was quite interesting.

Hi Bulldogofamom, and welcome to WP

I can relate, I have a 15 yr old son who is a freshman in high school and we just went through the middle school years. Middle school was a disaster academically, but it was also a time of huge growth both emotionally and socially. Things are going better in high school. The best thing you can do is not put him under any pressure, send him to school, talk with him every day about the things he experiences in school, and then help him process his feelings and emotions. Other than that, I second everything SonConure suggested (welcome to WP btw @ SunConure ). We had a positive expierence in 6th and 7th grade with a children's socialization group.

Best of luck, DD