What would have helped me as an Aspie child

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Oh I am sorry that I forgot to mention his age, he is 9 1/2 years old.

Thanks

I agree that there is no "typical" aspie kid - but some of his traits are common among people with Asperger's. I am a Mom of a teenager with Asperger's who first started having serious social problems at about your son's age. It is great that you are getting him evaluated and that you are already visiting sites like this - it will really help you understand him, and that's what he needs most.

But he will also need to learn to live in the world. He is entitled to his obsessions and his personality quirks, but he also needs to learn to interact successfully with others, manage his anxiety, and understand his own strengths and weaknesses. Getting an evaluation and some professional support are the first steps on that road.

It would be irresponsible to let him sit in front of the computer all day, but forcing him to do other things might do more harm than good. You're going to have to learn to negotiate with him. After all, it is your house and your computer, right?

Yes, it is so hard to pry him away from the computer -- he would go out and then start getting agitated a few hours later and begging that he wants to go home. We are trying very hard to get him off from the computer but then we have to get him to do something else. He used to have a very close friend who came over, that friend was really good because he was physically active and had an influence over him but unfortunately, he stole his new game boy advance and refused to give it back to us. So he is no longer with this friend. He had been teased and bullied at school last year.

I am hoping that with the behavior therapist, he will learn to do more things and overcome his obsession with the computer and also we would get a proper diagnosis for him.

I am seeing that it is not easy to raise a kid with asperger's traits -- it is heartbreaking at times and you see the child change so drastically over the years and wonder what happened. Also people are quick to judge you as a parent and that your child needs more strict discipline and that they would be better but they do not know the agony that a parent faces. Do any of you ever felt that way?

My boys (now 13 & 15) would spend all day on the Xbox/PS/Nintendo if we let them (I am the aspie, not them). Sometimes I wish we had never bought these games. We used to limit the number of hours and give bonus hours as rewards. Its not so much of a problem now.

As a random thought, if you have time, try challenging him to chess or monopoly, scrabble, etc as an alternative. My kids liked it. I also let my kids get bored. I think think its good for creativity and thinking. I try not to make it too easy for them to turn on electronic entertainment if they don't know what else to do.

If your child has an obsession that isolates him from others, try to find a summer day camp or after school program that caters to that obsession. This summer my son attended a computer aided design class and made a friend that had the same interest. I know that there are camps for computer game design too. It seems to me that there are certain areas of study that draw in Aspie kids and it is so wonderful when they can find each other and have someone to listen to their obsession with actual interest and understanding, even if it is for only one week at a summer camp.

The highest goal of parenting is to teach the child what s/he needs to know, in order to be a functional adult. What seems to have happened with some Aspies I've known is that their parents got hung up on teaching them to be normal children, rather than teaching them to be functional adults.

Then they wonder why their son in his mid 20's and has never had girlfriend, throws temper tantrums, can't drive a car, has no job, and still lives at home.

Maybe he was taught to be a child all too well?

Your suggestions are great,and I see that you are caring parents!
I think it is most important to start from the perspective of your child.See what needs he has and how he experiences the people and things around him.Some things can cause anger for them without us seeing it,and some things may be enjoyable for them which they aren't for us.
Understanding a child is most important and necessary to love him.
My thoughts are not very bright because I am very young and don't have any children,yet I dared to share them with you...

Last week, at my older son's checkup (he just turned four), my pediatrician directed me towards having him evaluated for autistic tendencies. Since then, I've spent a lot of time online, looking for information and resources. The waiting list for the medical dx is four to six months (he's signed up and on 'standby'), but we're also having him assessed next week by the school district (lucky for me, I ran into an aspie's mom at our community playdate, the day after my son's ped visit; she tuned me in to a lot of great resources). After some serious cramming (I can't believe I know so much about this in so short a time), my husband and I are both fairly certain that our little guy will probably get a dx of PDD-NOS. He fits some of the criteria for autism (echolalia, tantrums over some changes in routine, an ability to hyperfocus, lack of "appropriate" social skills), but makes eye contact and likes hugs, at least with his family...
Please forgive me if I'm wandering. What I'm wondering is, other than getting support from the school system and waiting for a real dx (so our insurance will cover additional occupational therapy/speech/whatever he needs), what can I do now? I'm reading everything I can find on the subject, working to educate myself, but what can I do for him? He's very young and his echolalia makes it hard for me to understand what he wants and needs (for example, I never know what he wants to eat -- his answer is always "food", and when I list off choices, he usually just echoes them back to me). I understand that every child is different (with or without ASD), but are there things I can do at home to help him 'get started' on social skills, on language (get him a picture board, work with him on his speech by some particular method)? I've found huge lists of ASD books and products at Amazon, and I'm not sure which are really useful, especially for preschoolers... Any suggestions would be most welcome.
Anyway. Thank you all, so much, for sharing your own experiences in this thread, and on this board. I feel so grateful to have come across this site, as I already am coming to understand my little guy better.
I love him so, so much. I want so much to do everything right. I know that's really not possible, but I want to try, anyway.

Hi sdp, I'm an NT parent, not someone with AS, but since you don't have any replies yet I thought I'd chime in. The time waiting for the evaluations is difficult since it's, well, waiting and you want answers. You are fortunate to have a local person as a resource and that the school got right on the evaluation request. Be sure to make copies of all of your paperwork that you fill out and receive. Actually I make two: one to keep on file at home and one to take along to appointments in a 3 ring binder so I can access it easily when I need it.

I'm not familiar enough with the books specific to ASD's to give recommendations but I will offer two pieces of advice. The first is to take a good look at what are the biggest areas of struggle for your son and find some ways to start working on those. Many kiddos do get frustrated with the speech/language problems so if you can work out some means of communication for those things that will be encountered everyday, that would be a good starting place. Picture systems are usually helpful for the little ones, whether that is for things like foods or schedules since many struggle with transitions. I would really put issues that are causing *him* problems at the top of the list.

The second piece of advice is even though it's important to do your research and address issues, it's equally important to just be a parent and a child. It's easy to get all wrapped up in assessments and therapies and reading. Take time out to love him up good because he'll only be four once.

Oh, one book you might want to read before going into the evaluations is "The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Kranowitz. It's about sensory issues and primary specialists are not always good about recognizing those so it's a good area to read up on in advance of the first appointment.

The book that has helped me the most has been "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Through it I learned to change my parenting style so I could meet my son where he was, which is what he needed to make progress in the areas of tantrums and inflexibility.

I guess that's four pieces of advice, not two.

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Has anyone done a spiral notebook with situations in there and do's and dont's???? Has a thread been started on this subject? I like the idea???'

This is what brings me here. My son is 21 and we've understood about AS for about 5 years. He's progressed through life and many of his problems have improved or resolved to where he can function in school, at a basic job, taking care of shopping and cooking. It's the social skills that still totally stump him. Today I suggested he ask a coworker a specific question as a way of starting a discussion and having some interaction. What he needs is more ideas of what to do, as he cannot generalize a behavior to a new situation or think of another thing to discuss having learned one topic that is workable.

What are some things you or your kids have used as ice breakers, ways of interacting that are comfortable? My son cannot make friends because he has little to no interest in or curiosity about other people. When he does make a friend he enjoys the company but inevitably drives them away by getting too intense and expecting them to be with him too much. He needs to learn to pace it and how to do it in stages rather than leaping into constant demands.

BTW I put the above quote in quotations because I don't know how to post a quote on this board. Where are those instructions?