How do you control your child's obsessive interest.

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Mordy
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11 Oct 2006, 7:03 pm

greyhelium wrote:
electronic wrote:
Does your child have any problems with their obsessive interest. Like annoying others.


Am i reading correctly that you believe your childs obsessive intrest is annoying others? -_- i wouldve expected a bit more understanding than 'my child is obsessed with annoying people'... obsessions arent about annoying people. if the particular obsession annoys people, then tehre should be found a way for that obsession to be followed in a more controlled environment, whatever it is. if u are in fact saying that their intrest IS to annoy others, well thats just damn right ret*d, and you obviously know s***-all about obsessions.

special intrests are not to be 'controlled' like their on some kind of crack. intrests should be developed and encouraged, to make your child feel as if they have something of their own, which is THEIRs. dont go destroying it for them. if their intrest happens to get in the way, then find a way to carry it out in a better way, but dont just try to destroy it.


I agree and disagree at the same time, some special interests are destructive. any special interest that takes too much time away from school, or prevents any socializing will have negative longer term effects.



Lightning88
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12 Oct 2006, 4:19 am

electronic wrote:
I also do not think that autistic people are ret*d. By the way I'm a male.

Okay, what was the point of these two sentences? It makes no sense when you're just reading the post for the first time. Just to let you know, electronic. :)



lynxeye1
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23 Oct 2006, 1:11 pm

I'm 20 with AS
just show boredom and tell them u don't care about what they are rambling about. don't try and forcefully stop your child from talking


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23 Oct 2006, 1:28 pm

Without certain of my obsessions I wouldnt be alive today.

My obsessions are the most important part of my life. They mean everything to me.


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Pippen
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23 Oct 2006, 2:06 pm

I have a child who has had many of his AS traits gradually ebb away over the past few years. But he does still does have--and I am convinced need--obsessive interests.

Last year he went through a few month period where he lost interest in his former obsessions and found nothing to take up the slack. It was a very difficult time for him and consequently for us. He'd never been bored in his entire life, he'd always been the child in our house most likely to entertain himself and suddenly it was like his time and his life was empty. Not only was he bored but he was on edge and anxious as if nothing in his life was right during that time. We literally had to fill his time with activities and on weekends especially trips out of the house or he'd just melt down. He simply is not accustomed to--or wired up for--living life on a plane without an obsessive interest.

I've come to have a healthy respect for the place obsessions play in my child's life. It seems for him at least it acts like a drug--too much and he doesn't function well, too little and he doesn't function well, but a just right level is necessary for things to be right in his life.



Rhonnie
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25 Oct 2006, 8:27 pm

I don't control my daughter's interests. To be honest, I'd rather her obsess over something productive like cleaning her room, but we don't get to pick what our children decide to take an interest in. Be happy that they have an interest in something and try to guide those interests so that they can benefit from them.

For example, it makes my daughter feels so good that she knows more about art than anyone in her school and she's very good at drawing Manga characters too. I've even encouraged her to create new characters, create her own stories and make her own comic book novels. Sure, I could let the never ending pile of drawings cluttering up my refrigerator and filling up my shelves bother me, but why? She's happy and proud of herself. That's the important part. Right? This is just one area of many that she can be a bit obsessive with and I'm OK with it... but then again, my friends have told me that I have the patience of a saint. :wink:



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28 Oct 2006, 9:25 am

Yesterday, when I was on the Internet, my mum asked me if I was actually reading, or if I was staring at "something". I got really short with her and said, "I've stared at maps, when I was ten!" When I go on my Laptop, I do a lot of things that are constructive. I don't sit there like a Vegetable, staring at Buses! :evil:

I've changed a lot since I was ten, thankyou very much! (Nose up in the air.)



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28 Oct 2006, 7:46 pm

Rhonnie wrote:
I don't control my daughter's interests. To be honest, I'd rather her obsess over something productive like cleaning her room, but we don't get to pick what our children decide to take an interest in. Be happy that they have an interest in something and try to guide those interests so that they can benefit from them.

For example, it makes my daughter feels so good that she knows more about art than anyone in her school and she's very good at drawing Manga characters too. I've even encouraged her to create new characters, create her own stories and make her own comic book novels. Sure, I could let the never ending pile of drawings cluttering up my refrigerator and filling up my shelves bother me, but why? She's happy and proud of herself. That's the important part. Right? This is just one area of many that she can be a bit obsessive with and I'm OK with it... but then again, my friends have told me that I have the patience of a saint. :wink:


I think that's alot of what parents miss when they have an AS child. They are so focused on how their child is spending too much time on one thing, they fail to see all the other things, perhaps typicall NT, they could be interested in that would get them in trouble. Which is why I really don't get this whole, "Your child must be social!" thing. Why, so they can learn how to drink, drug, and be promiscuous? Parents with Aspie children really should say, "Hey my child might be way too interested in one thing, in my opinon, but they're not out participating in risk-taking behaviours, just so they can be popular."


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Rhonnie
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30 Oct 2006, 4:41 pm

violet_yoshi wrote:
I think that's alot of what parents miss when they have an AS child. They are so focused on how their child is spending too much time on one thing, they fail to see all the other things, perhaps typicall NT, they could be interested in that would get them in trouble. Which is why I really don't get this whole, "Your child must be social!" thing. Why, so they can learn how to drink, drug, and be promiscuous? Parents with Aspie children really should say, "Hey my child might be way too interested in one thing, in my opinon, but they're not out participating in risk-taking behaviours, just so they can be popular."


I know what you mean... My older "normal" daughter just got arrested for shoplifting with 3 "so called" friends last week. She was just trying to be a "good friend" by giving in to what they wanted her to do for them. She's learned her lesson and everything's going to be fine now, but that could have easily been my AS daughter, Emmily. Emmily trusts just about anyone and would willingly break the law without rally realizing what she's really doing if she thinks it would make them like her. To say that I will scrutinize her friends (if she really made any long term friends) is an understatement.



JSB
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02 Nov 2006, 11:04 am

I am a parent of a child with AS, who is 14, and I needed to spend time looking at what were my issues and what were really my child's issues. I was always worried that she did not have enough friends or was not "social" enough. I was very social at her age and I also was always worried about having friends, and I was projecting that onto my daughter. She on the other hand was happy and enjoyed her interests. I then had to take a long look at myself and realize my daughter was not me and when I asked her how she felt, she honestly told me she did not want to go to all the parties or spend time talking to girl's she had nothing in common with. She was perfectly happy with who she was and what she was doing. Sometimes as parents we focus to much on what we think they need instead of asking them what they want. I learned I need to talk to her about what she thinks, she knows and I have to let her make those decisions. Some times I worry that her interests are to "young" for her, but we talk about what is okay for at home to discuss and what is okay at school to talk about, she is more tuned in than I give her credit for sometimes. Just like any other parent, sometimes we just need to let them grow up.



summer
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02 Nov 2006, 11:54 pm

I went to a conference last week, held by Tony Attwood, author of "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome." One of the parents there had asked a similar question. He told the parents not to "control" their aspie child's obsessions. He suggested for them to get more involved with the interests of their child. To let their aspie daughter teach them all about their obsession. She was always drawing cartoons. Tony Attwood said that something like that could blossom into a career one day...ie: anime movies, computer graphics, etc. His approach is positive and very hopeful.



nina
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06 Nov 2006, 9:13 am

We had our bi-weekly appt with the Autism specialist Saturday and we were talking about this very thing. His suggestion was to give my son a stack of cards of whatever color he likes. Right now he is into the weather channel. The dr. said that every time he wants to talk to me about the weather he has to give me a card from his pile. When he runs out of cards, he can't talk to me about the weather for the rest of the day. I really didn't like the idea because I asked if this would seem like some sort of punishment for him. I don't want him to feel bad or like he was going to explode if he couldn't get the thought out. The dr. said it was like being given a large sum of money and learning to budget it. He would learn to budget his obsessions and it would help him to learn how long was "appropriate" to talk about one topic. I haven't tried it and I'm not sure I will because, to me, it seems a little mean to say he "can't" talke about something. Just thought I'd offer the suggestions.



Aspie94
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28 Nov 2006, 11:07 pm

Even if you try to control the obessions, imo, you can't. Even when I'm not writing, I'm thinking about it. When I'm in a crowded room of people, supposedly "socializing" I'm quiet and thinking about how I can add a chapter or change my latest novel. So it's on my mind. My son is PDD-NOS and the same way. He is obsessed with Mario Brothers and thinks about it even when he's not playing the games. He invents Mario games in his head and is apt to be thinking about that, even at a birthday party. It has not made me branch out in interests--I love mine too much--and my son hasn't changed much either, although he is on the swim team and plays soccer and we encourage him to enjoy a lot of things. When it comes right down to it, his loves are his computer, his videogames, and a few television shows that he can recite by rote and which have helped him with his social skills. He watches the people on TV interacting and asks me questions about it. I never try to stop the obsessions because, being on the Spectrum, I don't believe it's really possible.



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28 Nov 2006, 11:54 pm

electronic wrote:
Does your child have any problems with their obsessive interest. sorry for the misunderstanding. I really wanted to know is do you limit your child to talk about his or her's obsession. I think you should allow your son or daughter to talk about their special interests as long it's in moderation. I also do not think that autistic people are ret*d. By the way I'm a male.


Yes. We use three timers of different sorts to set allowed time for special interests like computer, internet, xbox.

We have two LED timestocks, one with a 20 minute LED staple counting down and then giving alarm in four selectable intervals, one 60 minute LED staple selectable in four intervals with the same audible alarm, and a TimeTimer, a analogue scale like a cooking timer with a red on white slice decreasing in size for the set time up to an hour.

I also use in a nasty way a managed L3 switch to schedule access to internet on the computers. Worst case scenario is when they simply figures out how to bypass the switch with a unmanaged switch, but that day, that sorrow.

It's just that in a real interest of things, you can walk over corpses for that interest. And you have to understand that. I can spend a week just trying to describe in words a feeling i've experienced. Or when I was a kid and completely disassembled a bike engine into molecules and reassemblied it without instructions, just tensioning bolts the amount of torque I felt "right" and the engine still runs daily. I think I was 7 when doing that overhaul of the engine. it's about 30 years ago.

In some ways we have a intuitive knowledge of some things. And some things can't be thaught even with a baseball bat. It's interesting. Like fishing. You can't explain why you choose one bait before another nor why you get fish every time. It's just natural to "feel" where the fish is and what lure will trigger this day.



Aspie94
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29 Nov 2006, 7:36 am

JSB wrote:
I am a parent of a child with AS, who is 14, and I needed to spend time looking at what were my issues and what were really my child's issues. I was always worried that she did not have enough friends or was not "social" enough. I was very social at her age and I also was always worried about having friends, and I was projecting that onto my daughter. She on the other hand was happy and enjoyed her interests. I then had to take a long look at myself and realize my daughter was not me and when I asked her how she felt, she honestly told me she did not want to go to all the parties or spend time talking to girl's she had nothing in common with. She was perfectly happy with who she was and what she was doing. Sometimes as parents we focus to much on what we think they need instead of asking them what they want. I learned I need to talk to her about what she thinks, she knows and I have to let her make those decisions. Some times I worry that her interests are to "young" for her, but we talk about what is okay for at home to discuss and what is okay at school to talk about, she is more tuned in than I give her credit for sometimes. Just like any other parent, sometimes we just need to let them grow up.
You are a VERY wise parents. Bingo! What makes YOU happy or your hopes and dreams for your child, may conflict with HER hopes and dreams for herself and it's all right, as long as you accept her. You're great.



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29 Nov 2006, 8:03 am

Don't hold back their obsessions, it will cause them to get mad at you.
When I was young I was obsessed with the Game Boy. My mom took it away cause i played it all the time and i got really mad at her. I also had problems doing stuff when I wasn't around it.
Now my obsessions is creating music and has been so for about 5 years. It's all I care for, and whenever i break a string on my guitar I'm depressed till I can get new ones and play again.

My point is: obsessions usually means all the world to aspies, so please let them nourish their obssessios.