Aspie childhood stems.

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My stepson, who has aspergers like me, has the tendency to stick his hands down his pants as an autistic-like stem. He is 7 years old now and despite being reminded how disgusting it is, he keeps on doing it. The big problem with this is that he does this even in public!(thankfully, I have hand sanitizer for him)! !! Any advise on how to break this habit of his, even if it is a slow process to break, any tip would help! Until then, I would advise you not to shake his hand, lol.

My parents always told me to stop fidgeting, which I did constantly, I can't remember a time when they forcibly stopped me rocking or whatever, but there' must have been times. I limited myself to in my room and the swing in the garden. I mean, when I realised I was doing it elsewhere, I stopped. I became v. aware at a young age that it was not normal.
My mum would keep on at me until I stopped fidgeting, it was like a battle, I wondered when she'd realise it was easier for her just to let me look like an idiot. Oh, I had a sort of stim whereby I screwed up my nose a lot, which my mum hated.
Not to give the wrong idea, my mum and I didn't have a bad relationship at all, she just went a bit overboard when it came to telling me off. It was all. the. time. As soon as I'd stop one thing, she'd find something else- not exactly conducive to stopping the need for stimming!

i was still sucking my thumb at 15...i must have looked like a proper fool, but i realised round age 8 or 9 that it was better for me if nobody saw me do that. So i only did it to go to sleep, like NT toddlers start doing round age 2 lol....My parents never said a thing that i remember about that. But that doesn't mean they never said anything, it may mean that i never heard it. My son has stimming habits that are unbearably noisy (high pitched singing at the top of his lungs being one :s) and that i've been trying to bend since he was 2, to no avail. you can always try telling him to stop, but if he doesn't want to hear you, my guess is that he won't!

My daughter is now 14. Diagnosed ten years ago.

When she was younger - she rocked and "wriggled" most of the time. It was a distraction to her class mates, but something she just did without realizing it.

We found that by simply putting a hand on her arm (gently) and telling her that she was doing this - she would stop. It got to the point that her teachers and classmates would just put her hand on her and not say anything and she would stop rocking or wriggling automatically.

NOW - she still does this - however she does not do it in school or in public to any extent that it is 'obvious'. We have always told her that if she needs to 'chill out' - she can go to her room and rock when she feels the need to do it. Oh and she is a rocker... On more than one occasion she's hit her head on her desk.

At school she has a 'support' classroom that she can go to at lunch - plus she goes there for 'study hall' toward the end of the day. He teacher says that she will stop in sometimes between classes for a minute or two - or for her lunch period - pull out her ipod and rock for a bit. But she never does it in class.

I do think that you can make your child aware of what they are doing and 'curb' it to the extent that they realize when they are doing it and can stop. They do need to have a 'safe' place - at home (in their room) and at school (their support class) where they can 'unwind and regroup' periodically. As my daughter has explained - she has so much going on in her head, she needs to file it all and unclutter the mess. The first thing she does when she gets home from school is heading to her room to 'chill' - we always allow her that time because we know she requires it.

Patience, a bit of positive input, an 'escape' and a bit of understanding can really make all the difference in the world.

http://chaoticidealism.livejournal.com/83950.html
http://ballastexistenz.autistics.org/?p=477

Having stuff we have to do and being reprimanded for it and made to feel ashamed of ourselves is basically a universal experience among autistics. It shouldn't be. Please leave him alone.

I can understand it being disgusting in public but otherwise, really? I put my hands in my clothes all the time when I'm alone, not exclusively pants. Unless one is dirty I can't see it being disgusting.

Wait, this isn't some type of euphemism for masturbation is it? If so, it really needs to be redirected/stopped. Any other type of stim should never be stopped unless it is distressing to them or others, in which case it should only be redirected to another stim.

While it's counter productive to make a huge deal out of certain behaviors, guilting/shaming in response is also wrong - teaching the child that there are times and places that those SPECIFIC behaviors are inappropriate is okay. I would have to say that ignoring a child who puts their hands down their pants would lead to being PUBLICALLY shamed, bullied and generally ostricized if they continue to do it because it's 'what they do'. I think a parent is obligated to helping the child stop doing it if it is THAT inappropriate - doing nothing is setting the kid up for ridicule and cruelty at the hands of other kids (and adults) that are not as forgiving, understanding or compassionate.

Being a little weird is something that has never bothered my daughter (or me) - but how weird - or in what way can make big difference. Others can accept a certain degree of weirdness - but extremes - not so much. Hands down pants all the time = extreme.

I do agree that a stem that would cause more grief in the classroom or public should be addressed.
but you have to go about it the right way.
No punishments, no yelling etc.
If he doesn't do it every single day, several times a day maybe there is a specific stress that leads to this stem. May be you can Help decrease what leads up to this stem.
Try some alternatives. My son would sing "Jingle Bells" over and over, even when it wasn't Christmas. Middle of class, car ride etc. In public it brought all eyes on him and if he wouldn't stop in the classroom he would be kicked out of class.
We explained the issues this behavior caused, when it would be ok such as his room, our backyard, etc and helped him come up with an alternative public stem.
It took a lot of trial and error but he finally stopped the loud public stemming and started to touch his thumb to each finger over and over.

On a lot of things I agree that those around my son just have to except some of the things he does but anything NT classmates would find gross or take away from the other student's class time has to be addressed and redirected.
I could see this

I didn't vote because there was no option that said "it depends" or something to that effect. If it was something that is considered unhygienic or socially taboo like sticking hands down pants in public then I would definitely work hard to help the child control it in public. At home I wouldn't worry about it, and I wouldn't worry at all about rocking, pacing etc. unless it was to the point of being self injurious or so disruptive in public settings that it needed to be addressed.

I know what you mean - I voted yes with what you said in mind. Thinking that it's good to teach your child to curb or substitue as stim if it will be more 'harmful' to them in other ways should they continue doing it in public/school.

I honestly don't think you can STOP the stimming nor do I think it's good or healthy to do that to the child.

I dunno. That only works for stims that don't need to happen constantly. I have some that I'm always, always doing-- there is no holding these in until it's appropriate; they can't really be stopped for more than a minute. (And they do hurt, yes. As in actually hurt, not just look funny-- actually, they don't look very funny; they're rather discreet.)