Loud mornings

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Things around here are pretty hectic, we have three children under 5 and we're expecting our fourth (and final) child in August. We also have a lot of pets, a room mate and my brother lives with us who is a full time student. One of our four beautiful children is Joe, who was diagnosed with Asperger's almost exactly a year ago, he'll be 3 in September. His large motor skills are delayed and so is his communication skills.

The communication is what is bothering me and making things very difficult. For me he is fine, if he wants something or needs something he points (like if he wants a drink he'll point to the cup cupboard, if he needs a new diaper he grabs himself, things like that), and if it is just a general meltdown (it happens to the best of us, especially in such a busy house) I have him sit on his bed with his favorite stuffed animal and some music (he loves Lady Gaga, haha) and take some quiet time. He mellows out pretty quick. BUT, when his father is home from work it is a whole other story.

Before Art began working (we both stayed at home for a year), the meltdowns were ALL the time, now it is just in the mornings and in the middle of the night when Art isn't working (he works evenings). He stands in the middle of the room and screams at the top of his lungs for what is seeming like no reason at all, and when I have him take a time out the screaming gets worse. Of course Art gets fusterated and ignores him, which propels the screaming to the point of no return and the boy follows his father around doing it. It's not like Art is abusive and he doesn't ignore Joe either, Art has a habit of coddeling. Jow won't communicate with his father about what he wants and there is no way I can help, I make the fits worse.

I'm at wits end with this, he started speech and occupational therapy and I was hoping both of those would make things easier, but Joe's meltdowns and whatnot are actually getting worse

to be perfectly honest, the first thing that struck me from your post is that this child is only 2 1/2, and was diagnosed at 1 1/2 with asperger's. thats really early to be diagosed with asd, and really really early to be diagnosed with asperger's. i mention this because he may need more intensive therapy than he is currently getting if his diagnosis is not accurate, and that could be one reason you arent seeing much if any positive effect.. to be diagnosed asperger's he has to be speaking single words by 2 yrs old, and using phrases by 3 yrs old. its possible he was doing so at 1 1/2 and thats why he got the asperger's diagnosis, but from your description, it sounds like he may not be that verbal, and if he was NOT already using phrases, he never should have gotten a specific diagnosis of asperger's.

does there seem to be any pattern or trigger to the screaming, besides the presence of his father? what is his father doing when this happens? is it right after he gets home, after dinner, is it happening at a specific time? ive never dealt with screaming like this, but most things i do see have specific triggers, whether thats sensory, time related, or a response to something else. one thing i have seen in regards to fathers, and this actually came from my NT son, is that when his dad came home, my son started acting out. this was a direct response to needing to spend time with his father, and when that didnt happen as soon as his father came home, he would get overactive and act out. it didnt happen on weekends, just right after his dad came home from work after being gone all day.

for communication, have you tried pecs? thats a picture exchange communication system, it allows children to use pictures to communicate rather than words. its quite simple and if you have a printer you can download your own stuff for it for free off the web. autistics often do very well with pecs, and the less verbal they are, the more helpful it can be. there is also sign language for communication if that suits your son better. both of these allow him to learn communication even without verbal ability.

it does strike me that some of the screaming could be from frustration and lack of communication ability. i have had two kids with severe speech impairments, both of whom had a lot of issues with crying and screaming. when they got to the point of being able to communicate, the crying and screaming went down drastically.

Joe said 4 words when he was diagnosed, and those are still the only words he knows (mom, dad, Ray [his sister's name is Ravven, we call her Ray for short], and Bell [his cat]), for a while he stopped saying those words too, we originaly thought lead poisoning because he suddenly seemed to forget the only words he knew, but the blood results came back negetive. His doctor then called the high risk birth clinic to have him evaluated and they came up with Aspergers. This isn't the first time I've heard that he was too young to be diagnosed and I'm begining to think that maybe I should find another person to evaluate him and see what's going on because the strategy for helping him isn't helping in the least (other then getting him walking and saying those four words again, he added no to the list too, getting annoyed with that word, haha). One of the things that caused concern is all of our older children (including my step children and my one child not fathered by Art) were all avidly speaking by 6 months old, Ravven had a vocabulary that matched mine and Sophe (our youngest) has a rapidly growing vocab. I know you're not suppost to compare children, but when 4 other kids are developing faster the normal and one isn't, it's kind of hard to not to compare (between us we have 5 kids, two of the girls are my step kids and they don't live with us.)

Generally when Joe has his meltdowns his father is doing something else like getting Ravven ready for school, talking on the phone or helping me (I'm on strict bedrest and have been in and out of teh hospital because of having breast cancer and being pregnant). My husband comes home in the middle of the night (he works 2-11), so Joe is sleeping by the time he gets home, but the meltdowns start first thing in the morning when Art is making the kids breakfast, in the morning it almost seems to be a patiance issue (the baby is more patiant then he is). What really bothers me is he communicates with me just fine, we understand each other perfectly and have no issues- unless Art is home, then he not only wants nothing to do with me but he doesn't want anything to do with communicating either.

And thanks for the pecs tip, I'm going to print some out and see how we do with it, it may be easier for Art and Joe to understand each other

its not common to see an asd diagnosis so young, but it does happen. so can he be diagnosed asd already, yes. should he be diagnosed asperger's already, not if his speech is still questionable. the diagnostic criteria for asperger's requires no significant speech delay, which means if he hasnt met that requirement yet, he is not diagnosable as asperger's yet. there is the chance he will develop further speech before he hits 3, and may fit the asperger's diagnosis then, but as of now, he cant meet the criteria.

it may be worth looking at having him re-evaluated by someone else, but try to find someone really experienced with autism. if you dont mind my asking, what kind of doctor did the previous diagnosis? my youngest was initially diagnosed asperger's as well by a psychologist who wasnt experienced in diagnosing or working with autistics. we've since had him re-evaluated by a neuropsychologist with more experience, and his formal diagnosis is now classic autism.

it does sounds like the screaming may be an issue with communication between joe and his father. i sometimes get shunted aside as well, when my youngest wants his daddy to do something or answer a question, i am not allowed to do or answer for him =) if i do, i get yelled at, then he just asks his dad again =P the worst part is that my SO is autistic as well, so he tends not to respond when his name is called or someone talks to him, and it turns into a cycle of my son asking, not getting answered, asking again, not getting answered, me finally answering, me getting yelled at, then it starts all over again lol.

i am sure you will get more responses soon. many of the parents here are kept pretty busy, so finding time to get on the website takes a while!

Joe was diagnosed by the high risk birth clinic, it's a team of specialists that come to peoples houses after refferals from pediatricians and local programs (we're involved with PACT, parents and children together).

I have since started doing the PEC system, I printed out some basic wants (eat, drink, nap, diaper, toilet, toys, coloring, a book, and then a pic of each person in the house and our cats) and tapped them to the wall in the living room that is readily seen from the kitchen and playroom, he's begining to use them (again, just for me, his father is a bit annoyed at that). today he walked right up to it and pointed at the drink picture insstead of screaming about it, so we're excited about the progress. He started saying please the other night too! We also called another pediatrition with a differant hospital and have an appointment with them later this week, I've heard good refferances from my friends and family (apparently he took care of me until I was out of NICU at 26 weeks). He'll be evaluated again by the new doc once Joe is used to him, it could take a while though because it takes Joe such a long time to warm up to people. He hates his grandparents even, until he was almost a year old.

The father not hearing his name is really familiar for this house, I'll have to get in the middle and tell Art to answer his kids at least once a day. He shows a lot of other signs that the high risk clinic asked us to watch for with Joe too, I've been wondering about my husband for the past couple years too and how genetics are playing a part.

Thanks for the help again, it's nice to get some support and answers =)

Can you try hand signals? They work for my son, even to override and stop meltdowns. And you can see them from a distance. Not sure how that would work with a child that young, but you could give it a shot.

I should think he would have the diagnosis of Autism. Asperger's, even though they are phasing it out, is a bit different and does, as stated, insist that you have NO language delay. My daughter was diagnosed with Autism at age 2 1/2 because she had only spoken one word which was "Ice" and that was forgotten and not used after age 18 months. Now at nearly 6 years old she, at times, seems a lot like my Asperger's son but she still has language and speech issues and I can also clearly see the difference in their diagnoses.