I want a family

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I am only 20, but wish I could have a family now. I'd like to share my life with little people haha

I think I have fairly strong maternal instincts, although have not been around children very much.

My feelings for family are not shared by most people my age, which is a shame. The family as an institution is interesting and I like the thought of it very much.

Do others share feeling similar to myself? Or perhaps have in the past?

I did, at your age, and then set it aside for a later date. That later date took much longer to arrive than I would have liked, but all's well that ends well, and I guess there were good reasons fate played out as it did.

I didn't have kids until a bit later in my life than you are now - I was 32 when my first child was born. It took me that long to really know deep down that I wanted kids but when that knowledge settled in it was for good!

I would encourage you to find job or volunteer opportunites that would allow you to work with kids. In America we have an organization called Big Brothers Big Sisters that matches kids with adults to spend time together doing fun stuff. Don't know if you have anything similar where you are. You are at an age that pre-teens and teens think is really cool - you're older but not old enough to be a fuddy-duddy adult like their parents! You might find volunteering really rewarding.

I am 42 and am a fresh father (my boy has 13 months). I knew all my life that I wanted to be a father, but was not sure whether I really have it in me to be one. And my love for children grew, however, gradually and unstoppably. 20 years ago I had various chances to get married, which I didn't take. On one hand, I regret it now - I would have 3 or more kids by now, and that's something I really want. It's not going to happen anymore, as my wife feels she is too old for another child. On the other hand, however, I think I really wasn't ready, back then, to be a father. I wasn't mature enough. So in that sense, it's a good thing I waited so long to find "the right one" and marry her.

I also subscribe to the school of thought that people should be at least 25 before they marry.

I, too, was really interested in having kids when I was young - and like DW, it didn't work out until I was older. I actually got a job working with kids when I was your age - I helped with summer camps all through college, and I did a lot of babysitting and was good at it and loved it - and they paid me.

However - while it's not for everyone, I'm really glad that I waited until I was older to have a child. First of all, I didn't know the genetics of AS - but I have more resources now than I did when I was your age, and had figured out how to work around my own issues: this is becoming really important in working with my son, because at least I have an idea both of what he's going through, and some ideas on how to help (one, in large part being - get other people to help you!)

Second, I'm glad we waited until we were economically stable (not wealthy, not perfect - but stable.) We've had hiccups, but I can't imagine parenting AND figuring out the what-do-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up thing. Even though I stay home with my son, I still have a life of my own - and I'm glad to have one, otherwise the isolation would be really, really difficult. (I do a lot of volunteering, which might one day turn into a job when DS doesn't need me full-time. It's important to remember that your goal is for your kids to be independent; when they are, you'll need something to do.) Spending some of my adulthood living alone and single and getting to know myself really helped me when I became a wife and parent.

Being one of those people who loves kids has always been a real source of joy in my life - and it's still going strong, though I'm more than twice your age.

I felt similar. At 20 I wanted a family as in someone to love and a home of my own, but I wasn't too sure about kids yet. By about 23-24 I was starting to secretly dream of what it might be like to have a child. It was something I looked forward to sharing with my husband, but I was scared too. Scared it wouldn't happen, and/or scared I wouldn't be a good mom.

I don't think that fear ever goes away completely, does it?

I mean, I feel much better now that we've found help that seems to actually be helping, but I always worry. I don't think this is different for parents of NT kids, either - I think it goes with the territory.

I had my first son at 19. I wouldn't change this for the world, however I had very strong family support, there is no way I could have done it without all the support I got. I also didn't have a career until after my son was born. My son was one year old when I took myself off to become a mother craft nurse (child care worker). Being young meant I had a lot more energy and I think I was more fun. I had my second son at age 28, I was a lot wiser with this one. At 28 (which is still fairly young) I had far more patience.

I think perhaps the best thing you could do is to work with children, find out if this is what you really want. You could even become a foster carer or do some respite work first.

Yup, you'd be crazy not to be scared!

And those with atypical/abusive/unloving childhoods may have more intense worries over their ability to parent as well as the typical pre-parenting jitters and post-parenthood worries.

And as an aside I had my sons at 26, which worked out nicely for me, although I would agree that it may be too young for some. My two next youngest sisters are 28 and 25, and they are nowhere near ready!

i had that feeling early on too, starting dreaming about what my babies would look like when i was only 14. i had my first when i was almost 18. i don't have any regrets about having her at that age other than the fact that i have no career now which i could have focused on if i wasn't busy parenting and supporting my wonderful daughter. she is an amazing person though, and her father died when she was three so it's nice that a little peice of him lives on in her. i could also have had a career later on once she started full time school but i ended up having another baby, then getting a surprise step-son and yet another child all within 2 years. so now i am at home raising those little ones. it is hard trying to make ends meet because i have no meaningful education or prospects for any type of work i would classify as a career. that is probably the only thing i wish i'd had in place before hand. i can now say, i have had my fill of children and won't be having anymore although i still feel that pull when i see little newborns and remember the days when mine were so tiny.

That's right. People tend to repeat what they've learned as toddlers - unless they question it. And I somehow knew that what was done to me was wrong, very early on, and decided already then that I want to be a good father - that is, one that's different from mine.

And while I am always calm with my kid, and abhor not only verbal or physical abuse, but am firmly against yelling as well, I will never shake off the fears you talk about. Even though it's me who calms my wife if she loses her temper with the child - or my sister with hers. Basically, I'm "blowing on cold", as we say, but I'd rather blow on cold than for once slip into a pattern of behavior that caused my nightmare childhood.

I know at least one wrongplanet forum patron who will argue that parents who had a certain childhood, can actually shake it off and NOT be simply copies of their parents. I think and hope that this person's opinion is wrong, at least sometimes.

I had my son just after i turned 21. I love it. I love being a young mum and i can't wait to add to my brood. I need a partner now though seeing as though my marriage fell apart.

I personally think having children younger is a lot better then older. I can study while my children are at home, i have the energy to play with them at the park instead of sipping latte's on the benches. I even tandom toddler wore until a few months ago. I give my children a lot more experiences then sitting at home as i am young and fit and love going to the waterfalls, zoo's museums and being out and about.

Sure money is a tad tight right now but we get by and in a few years (when i finish uni) we will be financially well off as well. I have also worked out i will be 43 when my youngest is grown up so then i am still young enough to go out and explore the world but be financially secure to do so as well (not a teenage backpacker).

I just had my son in December at age 25. I have wanted kids since I was about five years old and then was unsure about having kids when I was older. I wanted them at your age and didn't because I wasn't ready for them and my ex didn't look like he'd be a good father and I would have been a mother at 24 but miscarried and now he would have been a year old this month or next month but I am glad I had this baby instead.

I love being a mom and he isn't costing us much more because we use cloth diapers and baby wash cloths as wipes and I breastfeed so that is money saving there. I love taking him out for walks and I can't wait until he starts playing for real. Right now he is learning to grab things and he can smile and babble and he laughs. Because he spits up a lot, I have also stopped wearing clothes in my apartment because it costs us money to do laundry (coin operating machines) so it's less laundry to do but my husband won't be a nudist with me because he doesn't want to live like that. I could do the same for my son but then he won't be able to wear his cute clothes and they be too small by the time he stops spitting up. I also use cloth nursing pads.

I was nervous about having a baby like if I was going to drop it or what if I can't get him to stop crying or what if I can't read him, what if his crying gets too much, what if he gets in my way and I get overwhelmed being with him, but I have surprised myself. I enjoy every minute of him and I always feel I want to hold him and sleep with him (not that sleep sickos) and I just love sniffing him and rubbing him and feeling him. I also tell him I love him and that comes natural and looking him in the eyes and seeing my reflection in them and getting in his face. He often feels like a pet but he is a baby and a human, my son.

When I get overwhelmed by his crying, I just shut down and ignore him. I just lie there with him and do nothing or just sit there and do nothing. Then I just come back and try and sooth him or do anything to get him to calm down. I have also used my boob to shut him up but mom told me that's not good or else he will be spitting up a lot because I gave him too much. I thought they refuse the nipple if they aren't hungry.

And books and people and internet make it sound like babies are much more work than they really are. I have actually found it fun and not hard at all. I don't think my LO is lot of work and everyone says they are lot of work. I must have an easy baby. But sometimes he acts difficult because he won't stop crying so I joke to him about giving me a hard time and moving up a level for his mama. I always joke about having a level one baby since everyone says how quiet he is and calm and he isn't colicky.

If you want a family, go for it!

The sky's the limit when it comes to living your dreams.

You are right here, and your mom is mistaken. It is good for the baby to soothe himself at the breast. It will increase your milk supply, and the baby will not take too much. Your body will make exactly what he needs, and he will be happier and healthier if he is allowed to nurse whenever he wants.

small babies are not that difficult. all they can do is cry, then you figure out what's wrong and they are happy again. if you sleep enough, those days should pass smoothly. it's when they start getting into things and exploring that it starts to get difficult, then there is the talking back stages and some kids are very needy while others go with the flow so it can be very tricky depending on their personality. i'd say some of mine are 'easy' too. generally happy kids, eager to please, cautious of danger. some not so much.