Question about my daughter's behavior

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My daughter is 9, and has been diagnosed with Asperger's a few years ago. As she gets older she develops new "traits". The lastest one is her talking to herself. Laughs, answers questions to herself, etc. She has no interest in socialization and is content she has no friends. I have tried to socialize her with no luck so I gave up on that department. She does do homeschool socialization activites plus we go to a family gym three times a week to play in the pool so she is out in public alot. But the talking to herself is bizarre to me and also when she talks to me she repeats what she says silently (lips move, no sound). She is on geodon which has helped some with her sensory and sleep issues but with her reaction to problems it has not worked at all (she blows up when she doesnt understand something or she thinks someone doesnt understand her). Anyone got any feedback or suggestions?

I know my lips move sometimes. If they do, it's because I don't realize it. Sometimes I catch myself, and it can be embarrassing. It's like my thoughts spill over into the world. Are you concerned about her lack of interest in socializing? I can imagine it would be concerning to you, but as a female on the spectrum, it's kind of part of the gamut. That may come in time, especially when she hits teen years. What are her special interests?

Hi!

My husband figures she will be social when she wants to be so I haven't made too much of an issue. Trying to focus on the other ones.

If my daughter says "the cat is black", right after she says it she will lip the same sentence. She says she doesn't realize she does it. Is there a term for it?

We are focusing on her interests..her latest being guitar lessons. She really wants to learn how to play. With her either she wants to do something or she will absolutely try her best to refuse it.

How are you doing as an adult with the spectrum?

Thanks for writing me back too..I appreciate it.

As far as saying things and immediately mouthing the words (or repeating onself in a whisper) that is common among ALL children. My sister did that for about 5 months and then just stopped one day. When we would aske her about it, she would say that she didn't know she was doing it. Anyway, it is probably just a "phase". I would not worry too much or say much about it as that can make her anxious and make it worse (it did with my sister).

Talking to herself...hmm. I think a good percentage of children do that at some point as well and grow out of it...but I never really did. I have (mostly) stopped talking to myself OUT LOUD, but I still have internal conversations and will occasionally laugh out loud...which is a bit embarassing sometimes when there are people around. I know when I was younger (and even now) it was kind of...soothing. I would talk to myself more when I was stressed out and it would calm me down a bit. Maybe you could try asking her why she thinks she does it? In any case, it will probably decrease as she gets older (or she'll at least learn to keep it in her head). I hope that this has been of some help.

My son went through a repetitive stage. He did this two different ways, though he never just mouthed it. He would often repeat words or phrases, not changing the actual words that he said, but his inflection and intonation. It seemed to me that he was saying it until he "got it right". The other thing he would do is just obsessively repeat something like, "Mom, I love you." and ten seconds later, "I sure do love you mom"... and I know that seems like a horrible thing to get irritated over, but when you're hearing it like 20 times in 4 or 5 minutes... it's like "I LOVE YOU TOO!! !" He would also do this with other things like asking what's for dinner, or what time are we going somewhere... Those repetitious things were never identical though, he always changes the wording.

In my son's case, it seemed anxiety driven and when we put him on anxiety meds it pretty much disappeared. (Not that I ever have to wonder if my child loves me!
His sleeping issues have gotten better, as have the meltdowns, teeth grinding, and appearing to be uncomfortable in his own skin.

Really, I can't say that this is ANYTHING like what your daughter is going through.. I just know that, as a parent going through it, sometimes something someone says might not be the answer, but it helps something click for me.

I know personally, I repeat stuff mentally for hours... I'll get stuck on a word playing over and over in my head.. Maybe that's completely normal.. ???? Maybe she's doing this but mouthing it... like when some kids first learn to read silently but still mouth the words..... ?

Thanks for all of the replies. When she got on meds some traits faded away but then some got stronger..like the lip speaking. I do think it's a phase as everything seems to be for her, or like another poster said she might keep it to her head.

Any suggestions for meltdowns? She flips out when she thinks there is a miscommunication...pretty common trait for this spectrum but this isn't fading.

I hate putting her on meds but if she doesn't then she is 10 times worse plus has insomnia. So I guess that means it's working for her. She was on abilify and that wore off so then we tried the geodon..that helped with her sleeping but her moods are off the wall.

Thanks again to everyone!

sorry, my son was having a minor meltdown of his own, so I left out my most important thought...

If she isn't noticing it, and it isn't bothering her... don't worry about it. She's probably got enough that she is concerned about.

I might however mention it to her specialist as maybe this is a sign that something else is going on... but other than that, I wouldn't worry about it too much... as long as it isn't bothering her.

I am really new here.... and still have sooooo many bumps to workout myself.

It's so nice to be here and get advice from people who have been through these things, to hear new philosophies and strategies. It's very illuminating to hear from the people who grew up looking at these things from my son's perspective..

So far, the best advice I have gotten is to read the free book written by a member here, http://www.asdstuff.com/
I haven't gotten all of the way through it, and not everything pertains to my son... but it's helping me make sense of stuff and look at it through my son's eyes.

Possibly better than getting that information, is just being here and getting the experiences and comforts that others share..

I can already feel my attitude on certain things changing.. and I think that's a GREAT thing.

Good Luck

Our general advice about meltdowns is to manage the environment (sensory issues) and stress. Don't try to squash her self-calming activities (stims like rocking, chewing, pacing, talking, etc) as these are actually stress managers (although time and place can be taught). My son is 13 and he has learned to recognize the warning signs that tend to precede meltdowns, and has steps he will go through to avert them. This is something you can teach your child to do, make them responsible for seeing the build up and for engaging your assistance in diverting it before it reaches critical mass. It takes time and patience, of course, and requires adults to take the child seriously when they say they can't do something, or must do something, because tension is building up.

There is book free for download written by one of our members that should help you understand meltdowns better. I believe the site is called asdstuff.com. If that isn't right you'll find the book on the next to last page of our recommended reading thread.

We've been lucky in being able to manage our son's issues by identifying and mitigating the environmental stress. If an AS child has no anxiety, ADD, depression or similar co-morbids, then conforming the world to their needs, instead of insisting they conform to the world's, can often resolve the issues without medication. The best part? Most of the mitigation does not have to be permanent. Once the stress was gone, our son was able to start seeing how to manage his own triggers more clearly, and slowly chose to reintegrate many things we had previously mitigated.

I noticed with him that the more stress factors existed, the less he could adapt to disappointments, etc, and the more he tried to control everyone and everything around him. It was like his plate was already too full, and he didn't know what else to do. Clear all the stress factors away, and the child suddenly has the ability to be flexible. Logical, isn't it? What makes it difficult, of course, is that the things that stress our kids tend to be far from obvious, so it takes a good amount of detective work. But watch the control thing, the rigidity - it ramps up when the stress factors increase, so that is when you know it's time to look around and see what is in the environment or what is going on.

Understanding how your child interacts with her world, and views it, will make a world of difference. So, that is where you start.

Our daughter whispers to herself - like she is having little conversations. They do become more frequent if she is stressed. Last September when she moved to a new school it was really obvious. She wasn't aware she was doing it. I think it is her trying to understand things going on around her, whilst you and I think it - she says it. Once I pointed it out to her, it seems to have reduced somewhat. I think that the whispering to herself is like a calming and processing information exercise - Thats just my take on it

Yes. First, why exactly is she on an anti-psychotic? Was there some uncertainty about her diagnosis?

And are you sure it's the geodon that's helping with her sensory issues? It seems that sensory issues in people with AS peak young and diminish with age.

Have you asked her why she is repeating herself?

And have you talked to her about the necessity that she calmly communicate when she doesn't understand someone, and how to determine if someone understands her?

For example, if she does not understand something:
"I don't understand, can you please explain it a different way?" She might ask for some illustration or a slower explanation.

If she thinks someone doesn't understand her, she should verify points with them. She should also think of how she would like someone who is trying to explain something to her to act when she doesn't understand. Ask her, what if she didn't understand something and the person trying to explain it acted to her how she acts to others when she thinks they don't understand her.

She might also be under the false impression that someone who understands her point will ultimately agree with her. But it might also be the case that people just don't understand her.