Do you tell people your child has Asperger's?

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i will say, as a parent to one case of classic autism, and partner to another, this comes across a little insulting as it kind of puts forth the stereotype that auties are automatically not as far along the functional spectrum as aspies are. that is not necessarily the case. the range of function is much broader for auties, but it reaches just as far on the higher functional end. auties are not all drooling in the corner being obvious examples of autism, some of them are very subtle and require us to fight quite a bit to get them services.

as a family, we have been pretty open and unafraid. we share our autie son's diagnosis frequently. i disclosed to the cashier at walmart a couple weeks ago. it was a bit more subtle and worked into than just blurting it out, tho. and if i hadnt, i wouldnt have found out that her son is autistic too. and for just a minute or two there in walmart, i was able to connect with another mother with a similar experience as mine, which has been a rare treat for me. we dont share as much about our teen, he is very resistant to the new diagnosis and more

we share my SO's diagnosis, too. well, i do, he doesnt talk to people much =P i asked him as i am posting this about whether he would wear an autism shirt if i got him one, and he said yes. i also asked if he was afraid to put it out there and disclose that he was autistic. his simple answer was, "why should i be?"

parents used to hide their autistic kids in institutions. we dont usually do that anymore, but it seems we sometimes still hide them behind labels like "quirky" or "shy" rather than just put it out there that they are autistic. there is still some stigma to being autistic, and we are often guilty ourselves of perpetuating it.

my 5 yo autie knows he has autism. he doesnt know all it entails but knows the basics of his brain thinking differently and his body feeling the world differently. it has been extremely helpful for him to have this knowledge. he has started to share things already at this age that are troubling him, and its so helpful to be able to explain how autism ties into what hes feeling. not long ago he said out of the blue that he laughs sometimes when he doesnt want to. that is SOOOO typically autistic, and it was wonderful to have that conversation with him in a way that lets him know its ok when that happens, and there is a reason for it, and not being able to control it isnt a fault of his. hes been making declarations like this since he was 4 and finally able to have a conversation.

no matter if we think they are ready to know about it, they are already feeling the differences whether we see it or not. they are feeling it long before they are able to tell us about it.

Six is not too young. No age is too young to know about all the things that make us who we are. Just as we learn our brains are for thinking and our hearts pump the blood throughout our bodies, just as we know we are girls or boys; we can learn about other things that make us different and similar to others.

I disclose when my son's dx when it's relevant, just as I disclose my own issues when they are relevant. Ultimately I want his dx to belong to him, so I know a point will come when we have the talk about disclosing ASD. He's eight and I have asked him if it's ok for me to share that with others. At this point he says that he is fine with it. He has even expressed a desire to have a tshirt that says he has autism, because sometimes people stare and react to him in a strange way and he doesn't like it. He likes the shirt that says "stare long enough and you might cure me of autism, then we can work on YOUR social skills". We decided people would have to stare extra long to read that shirt and that would probably tick us off more than the initial staring.

I disclosed to an idiot cashier recently who was watching him spin around a pylon instead of interacting with me and taking my money. I just said "autism" and she said, "Oh really! I would never have guessed!" I replied, "Yes, you probably never would have guessed, but people stare at him anyhow." She responded incredulously, "DO THEY?!" and then pandered and condescending to him by telling him how "clever" he was (when he hadn't done anything "clever" at all). People can be idiots.

You are right, I should not have implied it is obvious if someone has classic autism. That came out wrong. There are kids who appear to definitely have some issues going on....like kids that are nonverbal or are constantly stimming (people will look at these children and think something not-typical is going on). Then there are kids who seem to be very typical but do have very real issues.

sometimes. It just depends on the situation and who the people are. My son is 22 and we didnt find out that he had Aspergers until he was 18 nearly 19. He will tell people of his own accord. When the diagnosis was first made he would deliberately tell people he had Asparagus Disease That got some funny reactions. He didnt have meltdowns when he was a child - he would just withdraw totally and you simply couldnt get a response - you just had to leave him alone so I didnt have to cope with the public questioning. (Maybe if he had the diagnosis would hve been made earlier and he would have had more help).

My son also gets very pippy with people if they suggest or say (people can be so rude) that he is not normal. He tends to ask them "what is normal and what makes you think you are normal and I am not". That usually puts them on the spot. I love it when he does that.

yes he can be really hard work but I count my blessings every day because he is also funny, kind, sensitive, positive, great fun to be around and good company.

We as people are to quick to judge others and look down at others when they are "not normal" and it is about time people stopped doing this. Shea has taught me, our family and all our friends many things including how to be better people when it comes to the rest of the human race and we now appreciate people who are unique and we all think people with Aspergers are so cool!! They make great friends especially when you want them to keep a confidence!!

I have no problem with people knowing, and neither does my daughter. She in fact wants a hoodie we found on a website to proudly proclaim the fact to all and sundry If she's acting out or having a meltdown I'd rather people just thought, oops she's having a moment (as we call it), rather than, the strange kid is acting weird again

Yes, I tell people. I find that if you don't tell people, they will jump to their own conclusions, which are usually alot worse. When my daughter was 2 1/2 we had a babysitter who accused us of abusing her because she was so withdrawn, after that I started telling everyone, people are generally more supportive and patient when they know the truth.

FYI: while this doesn't mean you have to tell everyone, what Brooke mentions is a legitimate concern. My husband's job as a first responder requires him to report signs of abuse or neglect to social services. Many of these signs are typical in a home where a family member is on the autism spectrum. Parents need to know when it is important to disclose the diagnosis for this reason.

Before anyone takes my prior post the wrong way: I realize I may have parsed that sentence badly.

I meant certain signs, for example a lack of eye contact, or odd bruises due to motor skills deficits - are common with kids on the spectrum and are neither unusual nor indicative of anything else. In NT children, these signs can be red flags for child abuse.

I do not hide my son's AS from anyone. In fact I use him as an example at work. I work in a Community Mental Health Center so I come across many parents and children with different issues. Some of which have many of the symptoms people with AS have. I have taught my son that he is just wired different. But having AS for him was a trade off. He's super intelligent but has problems with social skills. I have asked him before if he could trade his intellect for fitting in would he want it. "He said no". We both agree he can learn coping skills to deal with some of the negative aspects of having Aspergers, but he doesn't want the "average" intelligence. Now, to him, this is a positive thing. He likes to inform people he has Aspergers and educate others on exactly that means. I think we could all do a little good educating the general public so it wouldn't be such a big deal or a bad thing. I wouldn't change my son for all the tea in China!

I'd disclose when the obvious differences became problematic.

For my son, the right time was entering sixth grade. David actually did a presentation to his sixth grade class with permission and preparation from his teacher. I was present, but I didn't say anything.

Peter