Starting to have doubts now

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So I finally got around to having a playdate for my son so I could see first hand any interactions with his peers. It went great. He said he had fun and would like to do it again. He seemed relaxed and played 'normally'. Other times when he is out, I didn't seem to think he wanted to have much to do with these same boys.

I know I'm not a professional, but from observing his playing, he didn't seem to fit the profile for lack of better words. However, there are so many other things I've been observing and reading that fit my son.

I have to fill out his papers to take for the ADOS test and I guess I'll put that he seems to play well with peers.

Any thoughts?

He could be a mild case meaning the symptoms come and go depending on the situation or environment. Other times he is impaired and disabled by his traits and other times he is normal so therefore that's when a diagnoses is made because of impairments.

But does he play well with his peers all the time, is there ever times when he doesn't seem to connect or fit in or do good with them and other times he does? You should also add that in too if yes so the doctor knows.

If in doubt, I would observe him in more than one social situation before answering. How does he do in a group? When tired? With a different kid? How much did you intervene in or structure the playdate? Was there true reciprocal back and forth or was the playdate centred around your son's special interest, with the other kid being used as a prop?

Yes, when AS was suggested as a diagnosis for my son, I didn't believe it b/c his traits were so situational. It really means that when he is stressed, and he is sensitive enough to be often stressed, he needs help and understanding.

How old is your son, and what KIND of play was happening on the playdate? I agree with what others have said about observing multiple situations. A child being able to play well with others once, or even several times, does not mean he doesn't have AS. My son could play well in various situations - mainly when he was not overwhelmed by sensory issues, and the other child was either playing in a paralell way (ie, they were playing beside eachother but the playing did not actually involve reciprocal agreements/negotiations) or the other child was passive and not asserting themselves (so my son would always get his way in terms of how the storyline for the playing was going to go etc.).

Pay close attention to what your son does when other children want the play to go their way, using their ideas instead of your son's - especially when it's a type of play your son is usually very invested in (like a special interest).

He is five. They were playing with trucks and other toys. They ate pizza, and then went outside to play football and baseball. There seemed to be reciprocal contact with the play. Actually, the other little boy seemed to want to hog the toys and I reminded him to share of which he obliged. There was one time when ds was mad about the lack of sharing and went to go pout on his bed for a few minutes. The other boy said he was going to share and the play resumed fine with no other problems.

I do think that everything went a bit too perfect and ds didn't get a chance to show how he really can be if he didn't get what he wanted (he saves that for his family). They all seemed to agree on what they would do with nobody angry about any decisions.

Who led the play? As long as my son was with followers, he always got along great at that age. His amazing imagination was actually a draw for kids who didn't have the same creative ability. It was when they wouldn't follow his suggestions, or got older and wanted to help develop the story, that trouble brewed.

My son always does better in a group of two, the more kids the more drama.. Plus, my son tries very hard to please others, especially at that age..

What DW said is very much how things were with my son. No one observed any play-based issues at age 5 because most play is still what's called "parallel" play at that age. It's one of the reasons why most kids with AS are not diagnosed until 6/7/8 or even older, when play and social interaction becomes much more complex. Have you read the DSM IV criteria for AS diagnosis? I would start there in terms of your own assessments.

DW, it seemed to me that there was no real leader. They pretty much played together.

Caitlin, I have read the DSM IV. One of my reasons for doubts is that he doesn't seem to fit the diagnosis 'mold' for the stereotypical AS kid. However, from what I have read about 'real life' experience here on WP and in some books, it is like they are talking about my kid or rather inside his head.

I agree with the previous post. You have a bit too much emphasis on play and in fact just one playdate. My son played okay at age 5 and even does quite well now at age 9. Some of it depends on who and how many he is playing with, if he's hungry, if they are playing something he's interested in etc. My son appears as any other child in play but he is clearly an aspie.

I think a lot of people with AS do well in one-on-one interactions. It's the group situations that are the real test.

More importantly, I would write whatever you observe and not worry about it. We didn't do the ADOS until DS was 10 (wish we'd known there was a comprehensive test sooner) but it covers a lot of the nuances that can cause you to question. If you have someone who knows what they are doing administering the test, it will catch it even if you don't answer questions the "right" way.

I think parents get justifiably panicky about the possibility of an autism spectrum disorder - but it isn't a do-or-die situation. If a diagnosis gets missed early on, you can catch it later. While I wish we had intervention sooner, I don't know that my son would have been as able to take it in as he is now - and though I'd like him to get the last two miserable years back, at least going forward we seem to be on the right track. In the meantime, see if the most common interventions work for your son: fewer, clearer words, modeling scripts for social behavior, pictorial references, etc. After all, the diagnosis only matters if it gives you tools: another way to go about it is try out some tools and see how they work.

(By "justifiably panicky," I mean that there's a lot of pressure out there when it comes to this diagnosis - not that, in itself, it's anything to panic about.)

At 3, we tested my son and the diagnosis was missed. While he had a lot of sensory issues, the rest just wasn't not typical enough for a 3 year old. At 5 and 6, he could have been classified as being on the less mature side of his peers, but still no glaring delays outside of sensory irritations. At 7, he had a terrible 1st grade year. His teacher hated him and he hated her. He was irritated often in class and started being rude to the teacher and sometimes classmates. However, surprisingly enough the kids still liked him. At this point we weren't sure if it was a teacher problem, a stubborn child, ADHD, or AS.

He is very social. With adults he has always been the little professor. I recall being in triage when I was having contractions with my triplet preganancy and my husband telling me how my son literally was going from each adult's lap in the waiting room, charming them and amazing them with his intellect. He was the kid I always worried about walking off with a stranger because he would talk their ear off. With kids, he tended to have more difficulty in his relationships. However, he has always had some friends that would even come over and play. While my son has favorite things to do, it hasn't crossed over into obsessions, so he has never had a problem playing different games and being flexible in play. He also played typical imagination play. He liked dressing up as Power Rangers and pirates same as other boys his age.

At 8, the social differences became more obvious and we had him tested through our school. However, even then we couldn't say we really felt he was AS. We felt it was possible, but we also knew he was very high functioning and we had no idea if he was "autistic enough" to meet the criteria if that makes sense. Our district has a great team for testing and they look for everything. They did psychological testing, ADHD, speech, as well as autism evaluations. When we recieved their report, it was very thourough. They had observed him in class and individually, as well as did the appropriate tests to draw their conclusions. When their report said autism, specifically Aspergers, while not unexpected, it still took some time to sink in.

We have had his diagnosis for almost a year now. I have no doubts that this is who he is. I am also very glad we found out. There are no more questions after years of knowing something wasn't quite right, but not knowing exactly what no matter how much I researched. For him, it wasn't that we didn't look at everything, including AS, it was just impossible to pinpoint these delays until he reached the age when some of this should have been fading. He can still be mouthy in class and isn't shy about expressing his irritation when classmates bother him. That is one of his goals this year is to work on his rudeness with the teacher and peers. However, as of now, his classmates still seem to like him. I think it is because he also is quick to praise his classmates and tell them "good job". He isn't necessarily picked for kick ball at recess, but he isn't shunned either. He has a few friends that invite him over all the time and they come over here. He has even spent the night at one boy's home a few times. Of course, this kid has ADHD and is very gifted, so his Mom isn't bugged by my son too much. Most of his friends do tend to be the "nerdy" kids for lack of a better word. They are the boys that still like Legos, Star Wars and Harry Potter.

My son is so high functioning that had he not been a mouthy kid, but a quiet one, he probably would have flown under the rader and the school wouldn't have tested him. To be honest, if he hadn't seemed so stubborn and been the more introverted type, we too might not have dug deeper. However, I am glad we went ahead and found out once and for all. He can now get the additional help he needs at school and it has made it so much easier for him to know too.

I don't know all the reasons why you wanted to have him tested, but I wouldn't cross off AS just because he has a good playdate. My son has always had a few friends and always has at least one little girl that "likes" him, giving him notes and coloring pictures for him too.

twinplets, thank you so much for typing out that detailed description. It is so helpful. Everyone else too. I think you all have helped to erase some of my doubts. I just love this board!