Cussing and Outbursts Help

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The past few weeks have been challenging. My son was Diagnosed with Asper. when he was 6 we knew from birth he had issues, but it took us that long to get a diagnosis just on what was really wrong. He is Asper, ODD, and the list goes on and on. Lately he is now 12 he has been cussing like a sailor, kicking screaming and even has gone as far as telling me to go away and he wants to leave. And wants me to get rid of his sister who is 9. Which i informed him THIS WILL NOT BE HAPPENING!! ! I am at my wits end i have tried a behavior contract, setting up rules which i have enforced but he doesnt seem to care at all. Today started out like any other day...hard to get up finally up dressed and ready for school. He went outside to wait on the bus n some kids were chasing a dog he got upset n told them to stop and they told him to shut up he then said MF i dont have to shut up n thats when i heard the other kids screaming so i went out n they told me what had been said...he then proceded to tell me to GO AWAY and DO NOT LOOK AT HIM so i sent him in the house he came inside n was told he was grounded from xbox computer and dsi and that i didnt allow those words and he needs to express his anger right and to come to me first . So off to school we go since we missed the bus. The whole way there i tried to tell him that it wasnt appropriate for him to say those words, and it disappointed me. And how he spoke to me i didnt appreciate at all! I really dont think he got it. 4 hours later i recieve a call from his school hes gotten in trouble for fighting with a boy. Boy called him a jerk, he called the boy a bas%$#d. Where he got that word from i have no clue that is one word i dont say. He was honest with the principal abotu what happened ect. Both boys were warned it happens again and its In School Suspention for both of them. His outbursts and cussing outbursts are just uncontrollable anymore. I dont know what to do anymore i have lost control just in a few weeks time and not from not being on top of things but not being able to control his mouth and anger issues...can anyone out there give me some pointers on what i need to do from here? Principal told me that its the age, i honestly dont think its just the age.

Puberty is hard for every kid, but even more difficult for a child with AS.

It sounds like you've been going the traditional parenting route with your AS son, and we generally recommend turning quite a lot of that on it's head, for a variety of reasons.

But, before trying to dive into all that, I think you should read Tracker's book, which you will find at: ASDStuff.com

Tracker is a young man who has AS and is a long time member of this board. He does an amazing job of helping us parents understand life from the AS child's perspective. While not everything in his book will apply to every AS child, since AS kids are as unique as any other kids, you will find it extremely helpful. There isn't a book like it anywhere else. And it's offered for free.

well i spoke to a few others, i have decided to use color coded cards for the *cuss* words..if he feels he needs to say them he has to hold up the card INSTEAD of saying the words. Hopefully this will work i think little by little he will learn he cannot say things especially in public that arent appropriate. Crossing my fingers. Thank you for your help i started reading that publication you told me about He had a really good day at school yesterday so i hope that today will be good for him too even though he did spout off at me this morning n tell me to shut up when i told him to get dressed...i nipped that in the bud real fast!

Hmmm if I was frustrated I can't imagine a color card doing it for me, but some verbal jibberish version of (;@/-+," might. Remember that under the behavior is a cause, and if you don't deal with the cause, the stress is goming to come out somewhere else, which is usually an increase in meltdowns. If the cards help for public, great, but its only one layer.

I have a 13 and 10 year old, btw, and while they can be best of friends, it is amazing how strongly their needs conflict, and how much misery that causes them. A mansion with separate wings might be good right now, except I think you'd still find my daughter always magnetically drawn to his ... Crazy. Not easy at all keeping my son's needs met, and I feel for him on it.

my kids are the exact same way...fight like the devil but you cross my son and my daughter will come after you big time lol makes me laugh sometimes im like whew goodness....well im hoping the color cards will work i gave him "other" words to subsitute for the cuss words...so hopefully something, the only thing his school counseler and i can figure out what is setting him off is these boys at school i have been up there for bullying, from other boys onto my son and for sexual harrassment from a boy towards my son. The SH has stopped when i said my next step is a laywer the parents finally got involved n made it stop! But the bullying seems to be ongoing even with a threat of a lawyer i dont think the parents understand how serious this is and how serious its getting. I do have a parent/principal meeting set up for monday though so hopefully they can get a grip on what there child is doing also.

I know this probably goes without saying, but, be sure to tell your son that you love him, but, you don't like those actions. Or, just tell him you love him in the middle of the day or anytime, just because....

i tell both my kids everyday all day long I love you now i get the eye rolls and the i know i know lol or why did you put the napkin in my lunchbox that said i love you on it mom GOSH!! how embarrassing hahaha im like cuz i do

i tell both my kids everyday all day long I love you now i get the eye rolls and the i know i know lol or why did you put the napkin in my lunchbox that said i love you on it mom GOSH!! how embarrassing hahaha im like cuz i do

Create a secret way of telling him that you love him so he won't get embarassed. Like, put the napkin in with a "star" in his lunch or do the high five means that you love him as well. That way, you can let him know that your proud of him too. Can any of us get too tired of being told we're loved? I read that we all need about 8 hugs a day for mental wellness. I don't know, but, I like them.

ahhhh!! great idea i will do that...last night we had a bit of a scare i havent felt well so off to urgent care we went last night...well the dr said he didnt know what was wrong n told me to go to the ER. we go down there and they start hookin me up to every machine they had i think and of course both kids with me for no one to watch them, dj was sittin there quiet as a mouse just taking everything in and he goes I WONT LET YOU DIE! i said im not gonna die Kat goes NOPE we wont let her. So they were watchin the machines, and the one lead on the heart monitor came off and it went to dingin dj yells out.... OMG YOUR DEAD and i go im not dead he goes OMG UR DEAD N TALKING!! ! and i started giggling and he got to giggling and kat started giggling. I said i just love you two to peices. there like yep we know we know and dj goes momma gues what i said what he goes I LOVE YOU TO!! !! he said it so loud that 3 nurses came running in haha. They thought something was wrong wrong kat was like man thats how you get those nurses in here fast! lol

autism meltdown are caused by stress. if the meltdowns are constant and very violent then it might be depression. if the meltdowns are triggered by a certain thing which does not seem threatening then it might be ptsd. to stop meltdowns try things that let the child relax. stop video games and tv. let him take breaks between homework assignments. if there is bullying at school stop it. you might have to get an autism specialist to look into it if the tantrums are triggered by something, violent, sustained, and emotional. some autistics do not like social interactions he may need to somewhere and be by himself. many autistics like stimming because it calms them down. when i was 12 i biked 100 miles every weekend and 25 every day that i had stress. the rhythmic action of biking was like stimming and it helped me lose stress. i have always done these things independently by myself. i like to take rides in quiet places like the country because loud noises are stressful.

thank you, aspie 48. Thank you for your insight. It is really appreciated - helps us understand how aspies think and react which in turn helps us think and react, as well. Our 11 yr old aspie loves coming to grandma and grandpa's because it's his quiet place. We let him line up whatever games he's created and leave them there until he gets a chance to finish. At home, he has 3 dogs and 1 cat in the house...hairs are extremely annoying so, again, he loves being with us. He gets annoyed, yes, but his tantrums have gone from at least once daily to maybe once a week and that's at his little brother. Listening to his ipod helps him chill on the bus. He's just so near and dear to our hearts and he's told all the time. He's even gotten great comments at his EIP meeting about how he helps others now. It's been a learning experience watching him grow up. Thanks again, to you aspie 48. Keep your thoughts and comments coming so we can continue to understand....