Ive always known something was different about my baby....

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Hello all
this is my first post on this forum
Im glad Ive found a place to share my concern. Please bare with me on my long post. I have a little girl who will be 3 at the end of June 2011. My first child. I always knew she was a little different,.Her personality really points out aspergers and my friend whos son has recently been diagnosed has confirmed my fear and suspicion by delicately pointing out I should have her checked.

She wasnt a huggy baby, she didnt enjoy hugs and kisses, acted like that was stiffling her, but she loved being held and carried around and got excited to see us, and her grandparents, and mine and my husbands best friends. She got upset when we left the room. She always showed intense interest on certain items as a baby, for example my mobile phone. her first word was daddy to her dad appropriately at 7 months but didnt say mummy till 13 months old. None of my friends or family have children except one friend who we hardly see. we do not have any other children to socialise with, and I havent wanted to push her into nursery as yet...she starts in state nursery in september...

She has always had terrible stranger anxiety, and it made social situations a nightmare. This has slightly improved when her baby sister has come along 4 months ago.
she is jealous of her baby sister, and does not play with her. Now she will shy away and hide behind me instead of scream and cry in terror at the faces of new people. She seems disturbed when the baby cries, asks to Go to baby, in the way I say it. She does try to poke the baby and hold her hand. recently she has been hugging the baby but albeit forcefully and doesnt really know to back off when the baby is fed up of this and cries.
She has a sense of humour and smiles when we smile and when the baby smiles, she laughs appropriately at humourous situations. She has empathy for me and cries when I am crying.

She is obsessed with my mum, always has been. She will scream and cry when my mum leaves and doesnt let my mum talk to anyone else hardly, she wants 1000% of my mums full attention all the time. My mum does get tired of this. My mum has always shown her the most attention and affection and its made her obsessed with her.

She is affectionate with me and her father, she has anxiety when I leave her and go somewhere, she wants mummy. She looks for me around the house if I go upstairs somewhere for instance. She follows my husband like a lost puppy calling out daddy and jumping up and down and flapping her little hands when he responds affectionately to her. She is affectionate to me, never hugs me or kisses me but jumps on my lap for comfort, strokes my face and and lays on me etc. She makes good eye contact except when being told off, and then finds it hard to look at me in the eyes, I feel she is intimadated when she is disciplined.

She is obsessed to a disturbing degree with flowers and this childrens program upsy daisy in the night garden. She wakes up and asks to go out in the garden to pick flowers. If she is happy she says FLOWER! She cries at the park if we pass flowers and cant pick them. If she is distracted by swings and the slide she can move on and we can tell her to leave them and then she runs to the swings and plays - clutching her flowers. After around half hour of play, Then it is flowers again. She enjoys playing with my husbands little brother who is 10 years old, and has done some role play playing with him, but has only just started to do some imaginative play on her own. She plays tea party and pours me imaginary cups of tea, and pretends the toy phone is real etc. She also has started to feed her baby dolls with bottles. She is more interested in building legos, pressing buttons, musical toys and working parts of toys, for example she has a dolly that flashes when a button is pressed, and she loves asking me to press the button. Gets very upset when the battery is finished and doll is no longer working. Gets upset to a disturbing degree when I put my hair in a pony tail, and says take my mummies hair down until I take it down it is tantrums unless I can distract her with something that interests her. then she will realise again and restart the process. Lately I have been playing with her and she can make believe play but often goes back to FLOWERS, daisys roses dandilions chamomile, etcc but I have been saying forget that, lets look at this dolly etc...Am I wrong to do this?

Her behaviour differs from other children with the repetitive language, that seems to be factual rather than flowing. For example, my friends daughter who is 3 and a half can tell stories, explain situations and is generally sociable and flowing. My daughter says what she wants and points to toys etc but hardly brings toys to me to show me unless its a flower sshes picked, and then sshell say "look flower mummy. Smell it." Her speach is a little bit "staged" and repeats what she hears and puts sentences together from what she has heard rather than making her own flowing sentences. I hope this makes sense....She can explain everything she wants, and things she likes, but sometimes starts conversations, but this is more rare. and recently I have been trying to change her pronoun reversal and within two days she has now been correct 50% of the time saying "I want a drink please" instead of "you want a drink". Her usual conversations are I wants, and when I ask her to elaborate for a chit chat she can elaborate but mainly likes to talk about events, colours and facts.

She is shy with new children and seems the odd one out, prefering to cling to me, and eventually does warm up and go amoung them but I have never seen her in the very few occasions we have socialised with other children to initiate games, except with my husbands little brother who we socialise with frequently.

Her other obsessions are the whole cast of in the night garden show, pillows, vaccuum cleaner, adverts and she repeats little phrases from adverts too. She also loves dresses, nail varnish, make up, and she loves colouring and she loves asking me to draw different things for her on the paper. But this can go on and on for hours , she has an unusually long concentration span for her age and can draw and draw all day, or can pick flowers all day. It seems the flowers issue disturbs her, and even though she doesnt want to do this she cant stop. Also she will have a melt down if her covers are not on her when she is lying in bed.
She is a contol freak. Just now she came out of the garden to go out with her fathre on a road trip and to the store hapilly.

Im sorry for rambling. Ive got so much to say and so little experience.
I will have her evaluated asap...
Please give your inputs id so appreciate it....
Thank you all

I was diagnosed with Aspergers at the age of 40 but I really wish they would have a formal diagnosis for AS when I was kid it would solved a lot questions and maybe got me the help I needed. When I was a baby my parents told me I would scream when picked up or held then stop crying when put back down. I cried a lot I think it had to do with sensory issues such as light or loud noises. They say I took a long time to learn to walk they thought I had inner ear problems but that was proven not the case. I was potty trained quickly with little difficulty my mother told me how it was easy to explain things to me then it was for my NT brothers. All she had to do was tell me what to do and leave me alone to do it because I was a stickler for following orders even at three years old. I also was always spinning or mesmerized by fans or pin wheels.

My parents would have to force me to go out to play with their friend's kids otherwise I would have stayed inside to play with my star wars toys or plastic soldiers. The world I created in my mind was far more intresting then playing with the loud and dirty neighborhood kids. I would get lost in what I was doing when playing by myself I did not notice things going on around me my attention was so focused on what I was doing.

When my mother dropped me off for my first day of kindergarden I was the only kid who was not crying or begging to come home. All my mother had to do was tell me that I had to stay there for a few hours then I can come home I was more intrested in a tree that was in front of the window. I got into a lot of trouble for staring at the leaves blowing in the wind. I stuck to a tight scheduled routine of activities such as having to watch certain tv shows at a certain time school really messed with that. In school it was hard for me to make friends my first year of school was overwhelming for me. I got stuck at the noiseist table of kids who spent most of the tme telling me what I was doing is wrong or that I was weird. I spent a lot of time in the corner durring kindergarden for saying the wrong thing or telling the truth hurting someones feelings.

She sounds like a beautiful child. Exhausting, just as my son was at those younger ages, but amazing, too.

In general we suggest going with the flow on an AS child's obsessions. It is where they find happiness and peace and, if lucky, will make a career. When a child has strong gifts and clear areas of burden, taking as much advantage of the gifts as you can helps. But encouraging a child to explore other things isn't going to hurt them, and could lead to discovering new gifts, so as long as the child isn't fighting you on it, the attempt at redirection is fine. This is the time in her life where she should be allowed to be happy being herself.

There are quite a few books you might find helpful as you head down this road, listed in our recommended reading thread. We here like the book written by one of members best, free for download at ASDStuff.com

Maybe her dolly would like to pick pretend flowers.

Thank you all for your responses and taking the time to write your experiences. I do feel that the flowers make her happy and drawing them picking them etc...I feel bad about restricting these activities as she is so young and I want her to have a happy childhood...
some days are great others are a bit draining. In the winter when the plants are gone the obsession is vaccum cleaners. She is frightened of them and loves them at the same time, making a mess so ill get the vaccum out! Its annoying and funny.
Good idea about the doll picking flowers- a good way to initiate some imaginative play. I hope her socialising with other kids will be a help not a frightening experience for her...
I am not experienced with AS and am wondering if my daughter has this or something else...I am going to get her evaluated and have an appointment to start the process this week infact.
Do you all think she has typical AS symptoms or autism? I was under the impression that autistic children / AS children had no empathy and found humour hard to get...please correct me. I guess its individual traits like with any personality

To me she sounds like a spectrum child, but diagnosing spectrum conditions in children her age is very tricky, and trying to offer a diagnosis as a non-professional based on a few internet paragraphs is, of course, highly suspect business. So, it's an opinion and not worth all that much.

On this board we've tended to reinterpret the empathy criteria as "does not display empathy in the same way most people do." The AS posters on this board by and large are highly empathetic individuals, but there can be differences in how they feel it, when they feel it, and how they display it that seem to confuse NT's. So that by itself really isn't inidicative in my opinion.

As for the difference between Aspergers and Autism ... leave that one up to the experts. For most of us, there seems to be no practical difference. In most schools you get the same IEP, and the parenting advice by and large is the same for either diagnosis, more affected by the absence or presence of co-morbids and other factors. In the end, the child you raise is a unique individual regardless of any label professionals chose, and as parents we are more interested in all the unique quirks of our one child, and how that affects our parenting.

Your daughter sounds a lot like our daughter, who also has a third birthday in June. Our daughter likes being picked up but isn't so fond of the hugging and kissing, she speaks in short sentences but not long narratives, she's very much a control freak - everything except the obsession with the flowers, and perhaps our daughter has been doing pretend play for a bit longer. We don't know whether our daughter is on the spectrum, though, and to be honest at that age we don't see it as that important.

I wouldn't worry about the language. At that age, language progresses very fast, so there's a big difference between 2 3/4 and 3 1/2.

I'm aspie and my daughter seems more neurotypical to me than I am, at least - and to me, your daughter does too. That may just be a matter of perspective, though. If it's important for you to know, an evaluation probably wouldn't hurt - but remember, it wouldn't change who she is, and it might not change how you treated her, either.

The best advice I ever got when I was concerned about my son was "trust your instincts and check it out." So I'm passing that advice on to you.

Hello and Welcome to Wrong Planet!

It sounds like your daughter may have enough characteristics to go for an evaluation. My son is almost 6, and he was diagnosed at 2.5 yrs of age. My son was diagnosed as PDD-NOS which is somewhere on the spectrum. He seems to be leaning more towards Asperger's as he gets older.

My son's language development definitely followed a strange pattern. He had words on time, but over time, we realized that he was not using them to communicate with us very much. He was just repeating different things that he had heard others say or things from his tv shows or books. He also reversed his pronouns. If I asked him a question, such as "Do you want to go outside?" he would answer "Do you want to go outside."

My son had obsessions with car makes and models beginning at 2.5 yrs of age. Then he became obsessed with churches. For 2 yrs, he could sit and draw churches for hours. He has now moved past this and is now obsessed with the telephone.

My son has never played with other children. He is okay being around them, but he will not engage with them unless prompted by an adult to do so. Even then, the interaction is very short. However, he is VERY interested in adults, and is very social with them. He has always had good eye contact. He has always enjoyed being hugged and is very affectionate with us and his grandmother. He is starting to shy away more from strangers than he did before. My son also never really played with toys as a baby. He was more interested in things around the house.

Anyway, these are a few things about my son. He was also a very late walker (21 mos)

All I can say is go with your instinct, and get her evaluated. My son has made so much progress from all of the therapies he has received. He is speaking in full sentences and can have more back and forth conversation now. He is learning pretty well in school, even though he does have some behavior issues at times. He still struggles with peer interaction, but overall, he is coming along pretty well.

Hope you can find the answers you are looking for very soon!

No empathy? Ha! Don't you believe it! Autistics care about other people just as much as anybody does. I've heard a lot of parents talking about what a tender heart their child has; several times I've heard statements like, "He cries because he thinks he might have hurt someone," or, "She can't stand the thought that we may be sad." We're not all over-empathic like that; we'll run the gamut just like typical people do, from more empathy to less.

What we do have trouble with sometimes is figuring out what people are feeling in the first place, which is different from caring what people are feeling. So, I might not know a friend is sad; I mightn't be able to tell the difference between that and just her being quiet because she's tired. I know now that I have to ask what people are thinking and feeling so I can get it in words; I can't just read it from their faces. But I do care, absolutely. I tend to do a lot of volunteer work, both to have something to do when I can't find paid work, and because I hate the fact that the world sucks for some people and in some places and I want to make it suck less. So yeah, don't worry about "lack of empathy". Your girl will be bratty sometimes, nice sometimes, oblivious a lot of the time; but she cares just as much as any other kid would. She brings you flowers--those are the things she likes most; so she may believe, at her age, that they make you just as happy as they make her.

I wouldn't worry about the Asperger's vs. Autism question. From most of us here, you couldn't tell looking at us which was which--as kids some of us had problems with speech; others had problems with communication; others had more problems with social interaction; but as adults all that stuff has evened out and we're all just-plain-autism. Just so whatever diagnosis your daughter gets is helpful to get her lessons in whatever she's lagging behind on, you're good.

She does seem to have an imagination. Not every girl needs to play with dolls, you know Personally, when I was her age, I was pretending to be a surgeon and my dolls were my patients... But she's drawing, she's interacting with you, she's learning--If she's autistic, she's a happy one who's learning and growing just like any kid does.

thank you all again for your insightful answers. I would be upset if she was diagnosed/labelled but only becasuse id worry about her having difficulty later in life - i want her to have a happy problem free life. |I definately love her for who she is and wouldnt change her...But everyone faces problems in life somehow do they not. I was an outcast in school (due to my weight)as I didnt fit in and i was painful. I am definately NT tho but do have some obsessive traits. As long as my daughters quirks are not upsetting her (i hope she does not feel compelled but hates doing it , like i sometimes do with my ocd)
I want her to be diagnosed so I can get her any extra services that may benefit her at her age, and also as insight for any behaviour problems that may arrise in nursery setting in september when she starts. Reading into autism has really helped me understand her fears and habits and im much more patient than ever...Im usually very very patient with my family anyway...I hope it helps her to be happier.

My daughter (classic autism) also gets obsessed with flowers this time of the year. I have to make sure to hide or throw them away when they start to wilt because she gets very upset. I remember when she was about 4 and she insisted on taking her flower, that she obtained outside, to swim lessons with her. She would not get in the water without the flower so I gave in but then she had a major meltdown when the flower got wet and started to fall apart. So I know how you feel. Its like they love the flowers but then it can turn into an anxiety type of thing. Like I have, you just have to find a way for her to enjoy her "obsessions" without her becoming anxiety stricken over it. Sometimes it is ok and helpful to try to redirect her to something else if you see that she is becoming stressed out.
Also, about the empathy thing....some people with Autism can be VERY sympathetic but it is sometimes hard to be empathetic unless you have been through the situation. Like I dont always understand other peoples emotions over certain circumstances but I feel badly for people who are upset. I dont "empathize" with why they are upset but I feel badly that they are. This is the difference between empathy and sympathy.

Pearl- I know how you are feeling as you are trying to find answers about your daughter. I am like you too, NT, but with some obsessive traits. I have never been diagnosed as OCD, but looking back over my life, I can see areas that I have totally obsessed on. I know it is hard, but try not to worry yourself sick over your daughter. It may take some time to take all of this in, and to come to an acceptance of this. But over time, you will understand that your daughter is unique and loving and she will have her own set of strengths and weaknesses. My son is doing so much better than I had imagined. I chalk a lot of that up to the love that my husband and I have given him. Yes, he still has difficulties, and we do our best to work on those. But we just try to accept his quirks and differences and sometimes he really makes us laugh with some of the things he comes up with.

I too worry about my son's future, but that is the one thing that this journey has taught me. We absolutely have to take things one day at a time. Enjoy the good days and moments. Try not to get too down about the struggles. Just keep picking yourself up day after day and journey on with your daughter. That is the best thing you can do for her. One thing that helps me too is keeping in mind that there are no guarantees in this life. Everyone faces difficulties and challenges no matter what the circumstances. This is just the particular challenge that we have been given.

Sorry if I seem too preachy or anything, I am just trying to help you to feel a little less overwhelmed by it all. I hope you will keep coming here looking for answers!

Your daughter sounds a lot like my son. We were not able to get a diagnosis until this year - 8 years old. I knew something was up from the day he came home from the hospital.

One thing I have learned - the label doesn't matter so much. They can call it ADD, ADHD, Aspergers, High Functioning Autism, PDD-NOS... or just plain different. Whatever the label - each kid on the spectrum is different with the label or without it.

Bottom line - the diagnosis helps me (partially) find applicable research and reading. Some of what I read helps, and some of it doesn't apply. It's called a spectrum because the range is wide and varied - no two people on the spectrum are alike. The diagnosis also helps me get my son what he needs at school; currently that would be more time to finish tests, an extra 30 minutes with writing, and extra understanding from school officials if he gets into a disagreement on the playground or speaks out of turn with the teacher.

The diagnosis does not help him get specialized help so he can be like everyone else and fit easily into school and society. It works in reverse - the diagnosis is a pass for me to ask others to adapt what THEY do to his needs and see how far he can adapt when met halfway.

You know your daughter better than anyone - of that I'm sure. The diagnosis helps - but maybe not for the reasons you may expect.

Hello everyone
thanks for your responses and no they are not too preachy I love hearing everones experiences.
I don't really know what to do now-need some advice...
I saw my gp (family dr) and she assessed my daughter. This is the first step in getting a refferal on the health service which is free, a private paid visit we would not be able to afford. She observed her and I explained thoroughly the obsessions anxieties and her habits etc and she said that
since she plays well with other children, giving the dr eye contact, playing with other toys, gives affection, experiences outward emotion and does not experience violent tantrums she doesn't feel the need to refer us so soon. She said that a child may have traits of aspergers or autism but may not have the syndrome. she said it is common for toddlers to have repetitive interests and to be positive with her interests. She said when my daughter starts preschool they will raise any concerns inregards to her interaction and behaviour as my daughter has no playmates her own age (2 yrs 10mths) and if the preschool see any problems we will take the matter further. I am kind of happy with this as I don't want to keep on taking her to drs and scare her but kind of unhappy as I feel that I don't want my daughter to miss out on any early services Which may be available to her...what do you all think?