Worries

Post Reply New Topic

A lot has been going on lately for our family, and the stress level has been high. Concerns and worries occupy my mind, so I thought I'd share. Maybe I'm not as alone as it seems.

My daughter is 13 yrs old and was diagnosed with high functioning autism last fall.

I worry that she may never be truly independent. I know that I can underestimate her, but her dependence on me is more appropriate to a child half her age. I do encourage independence, but due to life circumstances she has regressed a bit.

I worry that I'm not teaching her enough and that she isn't learning what she needs to learn. In addition to homeschooling, I also work and take care of my infant niece so time is limited and my daughter isn't self-motivated in the least. Her preference is to watch anime or play nintendo all day. Literally. If I'm not on her constantly, that is what she does. And I get so tired sometimes.

I worry that she isn't able to handle "boy" issues and could be hurt again.

I worry that she will still throw her arms up and shout "birdie" while running at the flock of birds standing in the grocery parking lot when she's 20.

I worry that she'll never be accepted.


Thank you for letting me vent.

Hmm, she sounds like the way I was when I was her age. I know that stress can really affect a child's self-esteem.

I think the most important thing you can do for her is to maintain a stable, loving environment where she feels safe. Therefore, if anything does come up, she'll know where she can turn for comfort.

When I was in school, I received special services to help with my organization and my social skills. I understand that she is homeschooled, and I don't know how these services can apply to a situation like hers. Maybe you could get her a tutor to help with organization, and/or a social skills coach on appropriate conduct. Such services really helped me. It sounds like you are carrying a large amount of stress, and it may help to get an outsider's perspective on what she is capable of.

Raising a child seems like so much stress - the entire well-being of a person is a lot to think about. Try to take things one day at a time, and regardless of how she is in the long run, it is important that she is loved. It sounds like you are doing a good job. Love her unconditionally, and take a chance to relax whenever possible.

If you have any questions about my experiences, feel free to PM me. I'm no expert, but I can relate to where your daughter is coming from, and was raised with my parents fighting to get me services in public schools, so I know a lot about the stress aspect as well. Believe me though, you're not alone.

Let me know if you need someone to talk to!

My observation with my 13 year old high functioning Asperger's son is that he DOES acquire the most needed life skills, just in his own time and in his own way. And ... I've also learned a lot of lessons from him about things you and I think matter, but that that maybe don't really matter It's OK to worry ... and we all need to vent ... and then you get on with the business of raising your wonderful and unique child.

Have you read Tracker's book yet? asdstuff.com

Thank you both! Sometimes I just get overwhelmed with everything, but then I just keep on going

This year I tried putting Sammy in public school for science and orchestra. Science was a problem from the start- I find out at teacher conference that she wasn't informed that my daughter is ASD and that it explained a lot. Um, yeah, I imagine it might. The counseling office offered a social group when we registered, but when I asked them about it they required proof of the ASD diagnosis. Ok, got that. Then I was told she needed to be evaluated, but they can't evaluate her when she's only part time. Over 3 months of arguing with them and my daughter failing a class for the first time ever, I said forget it and withdrew her from science. Anyway- she did well in orchestra until she had to miss too much class-time in Feb.

We'll be moving this summer so there's no point pushing for the eval for next year. The state I'm moving to isn't very amenable to homeschoolers taking classes.

I downloaded the book from asdstuff.com and will read soon, thank you!

My daughter and I are both looking forward to the move- a lot of stress will be gone once its done.

To be honest, that sounds charming to me!

Ya there will be guys/or girls who like that very much. If not, at least she won't be all stressed out by pretending to be normal.

My 15 year old AS son is in public school and is in an Autism program thru the school. My son not only takes some mainstreem classes he also does lifeskills, work study, and social skills. Not only do families with children on the spectrum need to be educated but the community they live in needs to as well. Living in a small community like I do has its advantages. If you are homeschooling put in some lifeskills. Their are so many different things you could do which would help her become more independant and trust me the worrries eventully get less and less. I will however tell you my son has the same fettish wit the wii and playstation. He would get on first thing in the morning and if we would let him stay on he would play until he went to bed. Anyways would like to talk more with you sometime.

I can relate. I worry about my children all the time. Sometimes it seems so over-whelming. You are allowed to vent. And you are not alone.

I still do stuff like that, and I'm in college, and 27. Seriously, it's not the end of the world. (Except for me, it's generally talking to the random stray cats. And I know better than to run at them; they don't like that. Or I jump into puddles, or trail my finger along the wall, or balance on the curb, or skip in between the cracks in the sidewalk in patterns...)

But seriously, just 'cause she does silly stuff sometimes doesn't mean she can't live on her own. The important thing is to teach her the useful skills she'll need.

A lot of us tend to hold onto what most people would call "childish" ways. Its not immaturity, per se,, its enjoying life and expressing happiness, why is this a bad thing?

I was just using this as to illustrate my worry that she won't fit in. Whenever she does it I have to smile because the look of pure joy on her face is so wonderful! I always let her run at them a bit before redirecting her attention

Thanks . I'm sure that someday she will be able to live on her own- she'll just have her own timetable for doing so. I wrote my original post when I was feeling overwhelmed- I do know that she will have a good future