Waiting for an assssment

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Hi everyone,
I am a mum of 2 boys, 5 and 4. My 5 year old is very difficult, and has been an extreme challenge from birth, with nothing coming easily for my husband and I as parents.
The waiting lists are stupendous and while we wait for an assessment on our son, I wanted to know if there wwas anything i could do in the meanwhile to ease the stress in my family.
I took the PDD screening test that was posted on here, and he falls in to the MODERATE level scoring 101. (how severe is that actually?)
We are used to his behaviours, but as of late since starting school, his temper tantrums are escalating beyond control, and he is now purposly hurting me. (kicking hitting etc.) As a mother i felt he was different from the beginning, and suggested to my husband last year we have him assessed. A family friend of ours is a primary school teacher, and i was discussing his quirky behaviour to her, she immedietly told me some more symptoms and i was almost relieved, for two reasons...she understood! and that I wasnt such a bad mum afterall...
Any info, thoughts or suggestions would be greatl appreciated.
Kel x

make sure he does the things a healthy autistic person should do if you think he is autistic. he should spend time alone, stim, think about things for long periods of time, and have a few obsessions. a regular meltdown is a warning sign but violent ones are a really bad sign, not something to overlook. autism meltdowns are caused by stress. if the meltdowns are constant and very violent then it might be depression. if the meltdowns are triggered by a certain thing which does not seem threatening then it might be ptsd. to stop meltdowns try things that let the child relax. stop video games and tv. let him take breaks between homework assignments. if there is bullying at school stop it. you might have to get an autism specialist to look into it if the tantrums are triggered by something, violent, sustained, and emotional. and btw, a diagnosis is really a legal thing the therapy and help that your son gets after it is really what matters.

A great place to start is a book written by one of our member, free for download at ASDStuff.com

My son is 16 now and doing pretty good, but he has been more than a handful right from birth. The most helpful advice I came across through the years was this book.

Raising Your Spirited Child Rev Ed: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

It doesn't cover any specific disorder, but it has the most positively framed constructive and practical advice on parenting a child who is "more" of everything that I know of. I still have it and still read it when I need a pep talk.

Now, years later, I realize that most of this book would apply to AS kids perfectly. It covers everything from introverts/extroverts, tantrums, itchy clothes, holidays and gatherings , communicating, to how to talk to teachers and others in such a way to get them to embrace and use your child's strengths. This book literally saved my sanity.

I've read both above mentioned books and they are great! I also like Quirky Yes, Hopeless No (google I can't remember authors name right now) and it has lots of good information as well.

What I have found works best is to plan, and frequently follow through (I know, it's not always possible). Structure and routine is so incredibly important for our son. I remember he would meltdown every day at Kindergarten pickup when I told him we couldn't go to the park after. What helped was saying to him when I dropped him off in the morning was "if the weather is nice we will go to the playground, but if it is raining, we will be going home." Anything that is out of his realm of ordinary is a challenge for him. We just took a weekend trip on a ferry. He ranted and raved for two weeks about how he was not going, find him a babysitter, it even got to the point where we found him with the phone trying to call his friend to see if he could stay there! We showed him photos of the ferry online, we showed him photos of him on the ferry when he was younger, and I even created a comic book about Mario and Luigi taking the ferry (oh yes, you also have to be creative!). Well, we survived the trip and he absolutely loved it.

Aspie48 also has a good suggestion about down time and the importance of letting your kid be himself for awhile. It can be incredibly frustrating, but it can also be one of the most rewarding and eye opening experiences.

Be a keen observer to try and discover why the meltdowns are happening (they are typically stress related). Sometimes it is not always easy to find the trigger, and sometimes the trigger might be something you would not expect. For the hitting, you need to be very firm. I always told my son "you are angry. it is okay to be angry, but it is NOT okay to hurt me". Give him the words to say instead and have him repeat them to you in the tone that would be appropriate. Talk about it later when you are both calm and tell your son that hitting is not okay, that we have to show our anger with our words and help him with the words.
I'm sorry you have to wait so long for an assessment, we are waiting too Hopefully sooner than later. PM me if you want.

cutiecrystalmom

Thankyou all for replying, and giving me some insight!
I will read as much as physically possible, I absolutely want to gain as much knowlege as possible to make my sons life easier.
Life, as i'm sure you all understand has been difficult, I feel like my family has been through the wringer. Constantly asking myself what i did for my sons behaviour to be so abnormal in comparrison to our other son (I know it's unhealthy to compare- however with this comparisson, i see the magnitude of difference more clearly).
Although i feel slightly relieved that there is an explaination for his quirkyness, i am saddened deeply by knowing he has so much noise in his head, that stressful situations confuse him highly, and that violent outbursts could rule his life. Very negative i am aware, hopefully a strict routine, some support and complete dedication will make life more positive for my baby.
Thanks again- I will be here daily, an absolutely essential site for all those who's lives are affected by any area of the spectrum.

Kel x

After school tantrums can be bad. They spend the whole day trying to be what is expected and then just meltdown after they get home. for my daughter, we made sure she had a snack for that midday (her school had a scheduled snack time thru 6th grade - progressive!) We switched her snack to protein bar and noticed a change. Hunger on top of all that unreleased stress would make anyone meltdown. So with her hunger fixed, we set out destressing her after school routine. If she needs some alone time she gets it. Another snack is a must. She had just started taking over her homework time - it's awesome!

If your son is on the spectrum try to become a detective. Every reaction has a cause. Anger and meltdowns are the end result of something that has been building up. what stresses him? Does he have sensory sensitivities? Is he having trouble following directions? Is he argumentative? All these things have reasons. I wouldn't question him about it - just observe closely in the course of the day. Chances are you'll discover patterns you hadn't noticed before.

I also recommend "Raising Your Spirited Child." I got that book well before I knew my son might have asperger's and it helped a lot!

Also, it's possible that your son is having sensory issues. So, it might be good to look at "Out of Sync Child." That one opened my eyes a lot to what my son is going through.

The things that have helped us the most is having a pretty set routine every day. And when his behaviors are REALLY challenging, I go as far as to draw up a visual schedule for him every day when he gets home from school. That makes a huge difference!! Aspie kids need to be able to predict what's going to happen next or it can cause a lot of anxiety/ challenging behaviors.

My boy is almost 5 now. We still don't have a firm diagnosis, but we have had supports through the school system for sensory issues and social skills for about a year and a half now. We've learned a lot over this time.

Good luck to you!

Tiffanie

My son has recently been diagnosed and I picked up Tony Attwood's book, The complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrom, it might be something for you to read after the diagnosis. I know it has helped me come to terms with the diagnosis and to stop questioning it over and over again.
I also lightly skimmed through "Raising your Asperger Child" and I do need to revisit that book, it had a lot of interesting points about different personality types with children who have Asperger's.