Son touching himself

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My son is 5 and in kindergarten. For the past couple of months, his teacher and I have noticed him touching himself both at home and school. He will just lay down anywhere and (over top of his clothes) start touching his private area. We have explained the difference between public and private, and he understands. He will be really good about it for awhile, and then it seems like he is doing it all the time again. I've also talked to his counselor about it who explained it is normal and because of the Aspergers he is hyperfocused on it. She said to just keep reminding him about public vs private. His teacher has been wonderful with him (not just with this, but in general too). However, he went under the table at lunch the other day and another teacher saw him and freaked out. She told my son's teacher she was going to talk to me and the principal about this and said something about maybe having to kick him out of school. I'm just at a loss of what to do. So far this other teacher has not mentioned it to me. His teacher told me about the situation. Any advice on how to get him to stop doing that in public? And how to handle the other teachers who freak out about it? Thanks.

Oh geez. That other teacher needs to get a grip. Kids at this age do inappropriate stuff like that all the time. I mean, sure, they tend to be corrected in their behavior more quickly, but it's pretty common for kids to have to be corrected on this issue.

My son is also hyperfocused on this, but he does it when he's uncomfortable. He immediately starts touching (and he goes IN his pants!!)

He's been better about it ever since they made a social story about it for him. It included some of the behaviors he was doing and alternatives he could do when he felt like putting his hands in his pants.. ie.. folding his hands together, putting them in his pockets, etc.

I am assuming it just calms my son's nervous system. So, when he's anxious because someone's asking him something he doesn't know, or if he's overstimulated because it's really crazy sensory wise at school, he'll do it.

He really has been WAY better since they did the social story... maybe something to consider?

Of course, now he's got his fingers in his mouth all the time.. so, they're having to work on that with him now!! But better that than down the pants!

I'm with misstippy the other teacher needs to get a grip!
My son is 12, he does this and has always done this. We have tried lots of different things but the more focused we are on stopping it, the more focused he is on doing it.
One of the things though I did discover is part of the reason is because it's itchy because he hasn't gotten rid of all the drips, or his pants were uncomfortable, material was all wrong, seams in the wrong place or they were slightly damp. Check out all these things as well.
You also need to remember if you get rid one thing it is usually replaced (not saying this isn't a bad thing to replace, it's most defiantly one of those things that publicly should be replaced)
maybe you could try handing him some silly putty or play doh (or the teacher could) without making a fuss, give his hands something else to do.

As a former kindergartener aspie, let me assure you that it's only as big a deal as the teachers make it out to be. They should tell your son the same thing you're telling him: that he can touch himself in the restroom all he wants, but outside of it, hands must stay away from the crotch area (except a discreet momentary scratch).

One other question: is he playing with himself through the pockets? Plenty of grown NT men do that, only they're being discreet about it. In some circles, constantly adjusting yourself is considered a sign of machoness. There is also a biological reason for why men put their hands in the pockets. It's part of an evolutionary instinct to protect one's male parts; after all, they're pretty vulnerable, being external and all. I read somewhere that men and boys most commonly put their hands in their pockets in situations when they feel uncomfortable or intimidated. And since the world is an intimidating place for a young aspie, your son may be putting his hands in his pockets for that same reason. And if the adults around him are harping on him about that, it only makes him feel even more intimidated, starting a vicious cycle.

Now, if he makes any hand-to-genitals contact during the act, that's when being firm becomes important. It's a hygiene issue, plain and simple, given how kids touch things a lot. An adult needs to tell him that the only acceptable places to do that are a bathroom and his room, nowhere else.

Is it possible he is experiencing some sort of discomfort?

Chronos, was your last post directed at me?

If so, my son does know this is one of those things that should be done in private.

A couple of thoughts, as the mother of 3 boys
Layering clothing - undies tucked into singlet; shirt tucked into pants, so you get a bit of padding down there, so there's not as much sensory stimulation from the touching. Turn him into harry high pants for a while.
Don't make a big deal of it, and ask the teachers to do the same.
Don't try to change the behaviour from a chair. Get up, take him by the hand, and lead him to the bathroom or his bedroom and postively reinforce the behaviour verbally. "If you want to touch your bits(insert your own word for genitals here, in our family the word for generic genitals is 'bits'), you need to do it here. There's nothing wrong with touching your bits, but it's not polite to do it in front of other people, even mum and dad."
I don't know if you do this or not, but at 5, if he's uncircumcised, he should be retracting the foreskin of his penis to wash it while he's in the bath or shower. This should never be forced, but it generally becomes possible at the age of 2 - 2 1/2. I would bath my kids from about that age and wash all of their body, and then pass them the flannel and say "ok - your turn. Wash your bits and bottom please." I'd turn around and check myself out in the mirror while i could still see and hear that they were doing it properly. It's all part of learning about respect for our private bits, which in turn, lends itself to understanding that those bits are private, and nobody should touch them without permission, even the Doctor. Also that it's not polite. Be as matter of fact about the whole thing as if you were explaining the need to say 'please' and 'thankyou'.
Get him checked out for a uti.. he only needs to pee in a clean jar which you take the same day to his doctor's office. I could do this without needing an appointment, but perhaps i was just lucky.

No, it isn't in his pockets. Just over his pants. When I asked him why he was doing it, to see if there was some discomfort or something, he just said because it feels good. I have thought about giving him silly putty or a stress ball or something. The school year is almost over (and I"m really going to miss his teacher - she was very understanding of the Aspergers and so great with him!) so I'm going to work on it with him over the summer and see what happens. Thanks everyone for the advice and words of encouragement!

I just casually tell my son, "No one's going to steal it." In the beginning, of course I had to explain to him that I meant, "You can let go of your penis, no one is going to try to take it from you... It will still be there later, when you're alone and want to be private..." Now, even if we're in a social setting.. I can say, "No one's going to steal it".. and every one looks at me to see what the heck I'm talking about, to which I just smile and shrug.. and it gives him time to be aware of what he's doing and stop before people look back at him.

Lots of good advice, I would also add that anytime you hear about someone in your school even hinting at your child being expelled, do not ignore it. Go directly to the principal and let her know you are appalled at the teacher's reaction, you expect more mature reactions from professionals, and that you expect the principal to ensure no staff ever humiliate your son or discuss expelling him for sensory or AS related behaviours that are hurting no one at such a young age. Assert yourself now, so the staff know who they are dealing with in the future.

I was an obsessive....um, "stimulator" (not sure if Im allowed to use the M word here) when I was a little girl. I would do it in class but I got good at it and would just cross my legs. Not so easy for boys, I suppose.
I hate people who over react to kids touching themselves and they end up making the kid feel embarrassed and dirty about the whole thing...at the same time, you just cant just allow them to do it because it upsets people. Really the only thing you can do is keep up the, "do it in private thing."
Hes only 5 so he will get it soon....also I think the stress ball is a great idea. You can ask the teacher to try to keep him occupied. Like if he is at lunch when he is done eating you could ask him to draw you a picture every day. Idle time is the time you start touching!
When my son was in Kindergarten he was going to a private school with a lot of very wealthy kids....we struggled to pay but we thought it was important because it was a French immersion school and my husband is French and we planned to move to France...which we did this past August so Im glad of the sacrifice that we made. Anyway were were already targeted as the poor people and my son had undiagnosed Asperger's so he was the weird poor kid. He had a valve in his ureatra when he was born and had several surgeries to fix it. So when he had to go to the bathroom he would sometimes take it out before getting there. So some little girl, same age as him, 5, went home and told her Mother that my son showed his penis to her. So the woman walks up to me on the play ground with her daughter and another little girl and says to me.
"I wanted to let you know that your son exposed himself to these two little girls".........as if my son was some old man in a trench coat. Fortunately his teacher was understanding, I was upset because I dont handle confrontation well so the teacher made me feel better when she told the woman she had no right to talk to me about it. They had to bring in a pediatrician to explain to these people that it was normal for little boys at that age to do such things.....shesh!
Dont worry Mom, you are doing a great job and I know how you feel. Its like you are embarrassed and at the same time you feel horrible for your son. Maybe you should ask his teacher if they can bring in a child psychologist or a pediatrician to explain to the other teachers that this can be very normal behavior and that they need to be especially careful in the way they handle it in an ASD kid. If you ask me though....they should know this if they are teaching.
I dont understand with the higher numbers of ASD kids why there are still so many people who are working with our kids that have no training....obviously the teacher who freaked out on your son doesnt even understand typical kid behavior.
Sorry for my answer that I turned into a rant.

This is my son's stim. He just goes to town hitting it. It's very awkward in social settings. I was told originally to stop his stimming, which was just jumping, and then this happened. I tried to curb this one and then he started licking things. My son is only 3 too, just starting to talk, so I can't even explain to him it's a private thing. I am all ears to any suggestions also.

Also, I would be very upset at that teacher. Not professional at all! Some people just get degrees they can't use and then go to teachers college. They are not meant to be teachers. I think if they made the hours less attractive, with no summers off, they would drop like flies.