My adult son.

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Hi all

I'm new here and the mother of a 21 year old son with Aspergers. I seemed to cope ok when he was young but now he's a man and doesn't really do what I tell him any more it's getting harder! I'm going to resist the urge to ask 100 questions in my first post! So, the main reason I came here was about his eating. He's always been picky, food has to be 'dry' so no sauces or anything like that. He won't eat fruit at all. He doesn't like to try new things. He will eat vegetables but I work full time, sometimes long hours and I don't always have time to cook for him and if I don't cook then he doesn't eat vegetables. I'm starting to get worried about his diet, especially as he has really increased the amount of take away's he eats, things like fried chicken, pizza and kebabs. He was always really skinny in the past, to the point where I was worried about him but now he's going in the other direction. He's starting to put on weight quite rapidly and I'm scared that if he carry's on he's heading for a heart attack in the future. He also doesn't exercise at all. His take on it is that it's his money and if he wants to buy takeaways he will. He doesn't believe me when I talk about the dangers to his health and just thinks I'm 'fussing'. I don't know what to do. Has anyone got any tips on how I can get him to exercise a bit and cut out some of the takeaways? I have got other issues I'd like advice on but I don't want to overwhelm anyone!

Hi stormystar - My son is 19 and we have the same issue. I think the hardest thing we have to do with our adult children is to let go. We'll never not be "mum", but our role needs to change to a more adult:adult way of communicating. You have some control over what he eats. We stopped buying soft drink and junky snacks, so if he wants those, then he has to walk up and down a very steep hill to the shop to get them. I have told him he is not allowed to ask his siblings to go with him, and I've told them they're not to go for him. He needs some exercise, and even if it's a 30 minute walk round trip to buy junk, it's still a walk.
If you supply his money, cut him off, unless he does something that deserves financial reward. Nobody in life gets a free ride, and while there's a lot of freedom as adults, there are also some obligations and responsibilities... like earning an income and paying board and contributing to the smooth running of the household you live in. With my son, we're trying to move to a feel of 'house mates', meaning we try to have the same expectations of him as one would have of someone you're sharing a house or flat with. Doing everything for him was failing miserably, so we're copying him in a way. If he asks for something, I ask him "what's in it for me?" because that's how he treats us!

I wish you luck.. I think there's room here for a special section for parents and carers of adults on the spectrum.

He sounds like every 21 year old I've ever known. Myself included.

Wow, Anni, you gave some excellent advice! I'm remembering that stuff!

Great ideas!