I think my student is an aspie, should I tell the mother?

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The person who came to me about my daughter is a caregiver who has known her for a yr and has worked with children. Her first guess was oppositional difiant disorder bc she is very arguementative and rude. This was of course way off but it did get me looking and she did mention autism and adhd as possibilities as well. So she was not a pro and she was not entirely right but it did get our attention on how different she is and how much she is struggling. Otherwise I have just always known she was different and her dad and I both struggled as children but she seems to struggle more than we did. So I am glad she said something as now we have a direction and are handling her more appropriately.

and i would definitely not go directly to the child with any thing. I was not angry (I was upset) but I would have been furious if she had taken this to my child without my knowledge. That is simply overstepping boundaries IMO

each parent is different just as each kid with AS is different. All this talk about "social difficulties" has my ears perked cause she sounds like she is trying to ask you for your opinion in an indirrect manner. NT's alot of times have no idea how to talk to an aspie or autie....which means we need people to be dirrect with us, and we will do the same

She does not sound like a parrent that would rip your head off for mentioning he might have AS....she really seems to be dropping hints and is not wanting to ask you dirrectly, but she KNOWS her kid is different, she just does not quite know why.

That is a totally different situation than some mother living in a fantasy world while her kid suffers. That kind of mother would take great offense you suggesting to her that he may have AS.

However since there is a dance going oin here, I think you need to learn the steps.

When an NT is being indirrect, then you, in turn, be indirrect with your answer till you both move closer and closer to the specifics. So I think,,,,talking about how you have AS and then later on mention your similarities with him, then that should open the doors for her to ask you if you think her son has AS. If not, discuss indirrectly that so and so was diagnosed with AS and was able to get such and such services from the school.

If she still doesnt open the door to dirrect conversation about it, then drop it...the seed is planted and she will start researching it online or something when she can accept what is going on.

its all a dance, you just have to know the steps

Jojo

Don't think there is strong indication of AS. Fast learning, early reading, boredom in class and interest in math can pretty all be summed up by intellectual giftedness. There is that he don't befriend other kids, (Can also be because of giftedness...) and that he don't show emotions, but it's not very conclusive...

recently found out thru the grapevine that my still undagnosed, now 19year old's elementary school teacher suspected aspergers. Wonder how life might have been different if she had told us. The child and I both thought the world of her and her perceptiveness.

I wouldn't outright say "I think your kid has Aspergers."

I would say instead, "I just wanted to say that your child is a joy to work with. I, myself, have Aspergers Syndrome and I can completely identify with what he seems to be going through right now. I've dealt with very similar problems myself because of the Aspergers thing and I feel like he's just doing amazingly well."

This could be a touchy subject because, as people pointed out and you yourself acknowledge, parents do not want to hear that there is something wrong with their child. Many parents will be offended...and many will not. Personally *I* would want to know if there was something "wrong" with my child. Obviously, if you do choose to bring it up, I would avoid the words "something wrong". Keep it more positive rather than something negative. Are they aware there son is hyperlexic? I mean, they obviously knew he read young, but do they know specifically about the term hyperlexia and what that means? I think it might also help that you yourself have aspergers. You can start out the conversation (if you choose to do it) by telling them that you have aspergers and you recognize certain characteristics in him from your own experiences (or if you know other children on the spectrum, you could relate those characteristics to those kids.) This would be a gentle way of bring it up... by telling them his similarities to you while informing them of your AS.

Anyway, that is just a suggestion. I am clicking "yes" in the poll because I want to see the answers, but I am REALLY not sure about this one!

I voted yes. It was my son's teacher that brought up that she thought that he may have it. Because of that we are working towards my Dx and finding ways to help us both. We'd still be lost if it weren't for her.

My advice is to not even hint you think he's AS, but find some reason to mention AS to her and describe what it is - since you have AS, probably the simplest way would be to talk about yourself.

It's possible your student has AS, but most of what you describe there is just as easily explained by giftedness. Another thought would be to suggest she get him tested for giftedness, maybe see if he can get into a gifted class in his school or something to deal with the boredom. The psychologist might notice if he has AS while assessing him. Also, if he's just gifted, his problems should disappear when he's getting education suited to his intelligence level (gifted kids act fairly normal when in a gifted class). If he's gifted/AS, a gifted class would help but he'd still struggle, and that could lead his Mom to look for something else there.

I voted no but only because I don't think you should tell the mother that you think the student has AS. I don't think anyone who is not a professional, charged with assessing a child properly through recognised means, should diagnose anything like this. Especially because I find most people (including myself until very recently) are pretty ignorant of what autism is, and find the label very scary.

I do think you should say something though. You need to have a quiet chat with the mom, out of earshot of the student. You need to tread very carefully and gently. I think telling her your experiences or experiences of other AS students you may know may be helpful - but not necessarily using the label, more just talking about the general issues the student may have. You will need to be prepared to face resentment though.

I have to say that it has taken me quite some months to come round to feeling grateful to the early childhood teachers who told me that they thought my son's speech was delayed seriously enough to be assessed, and that he may have some social issues. I was quite upset to start with, and certainly thought about pulling my son out of the place, even though going there is a big part of both our lives. Of course now I am incredibly in their debt because we get to help our son with his issues instead of feeling like he is ridiculously bloody-minded and we are terrible parents.

I think my son has mild Asperger's. My husband disagrees. We don't discuss it with anyone else.
If someone at his school or in his life would bring up the subject, I would be relieved and grateful.

Similar experience here. My son started receiving services (speech, OT, PT) at about 18 months because of unexplained delayed development. The speech got dropped quickly as he started talking in sentences overnight, but he still had issues with strength, balance, motor planning, etc.

We kept asking the doctors and therapists why he had a delay and no one seemed to know. From birth, I knew something was slightly off and even considered the possibility of autism, but my husband and even the professionals thought it was just all in my head. "Oh he's fine. He's just a little quirky. He'll catch up." Blah, blah, blah.

Finally, one of therapists went on leave so we got a replacement. She was great. She was able to get him on task better than any of the others. After a couple of months, she gave me a call and asked to speak with me. She led up to it by describing what she noticed (lining up toys, obsessive interest in one or two things, a need to always know what's coming up next, lack of imaginative play, etc.) and how that falls in line with a specific autism spectrum disorder known as Asperger's. Right at that moment, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I know, that sounds counter-intuitive, but it was so great to finally have something to go by. Finally there was some validation that no, it wasn't all just in my head. It's really hard, if not impossible, to deal with a problem when you don't know what the problem is. My son was eventually, after a long insurance battle, officially diagnosed with Asperger's.

I was so grateful to have her speak up. We've since moved, but I keep in touch with her. Unfortunately though, she did tell me that the usual response from other parents in the same boat was quite the opposite. Usually parents just didn't believe her and sometimes they'd get quite angry at her. Maybe it's denial, or just shoot the messenger, but either way, yes there is a risk.

Battling ignorance is really key. Don't assume that the parents know anything about ASD's. I suggest going in gently and prepare to inform them of the basics, if necessary. But I absolutely would tell them. Knowledge is power. Effective parenting is often different for a child with ASD than it is for an NT child. There's a difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. I think everyone in the family would benefit from a greater understanding. By telling them, you'd be doing them all a great service.

I know our family's success, to this point, can be greatly attributed to our therapist who was brave enough to speak up.

I voted yes, but I think you need a strategy on how to bring it up. Maybe wait until mom brings up the social issues thing again and then say something to the effect of, "I hope I don't offend or upset you by saying this, but have you thought about having him evaluated? It has crossed my mind that he reminds me a lot of myself as a child, and I have some social skills issues myself." Maybe not even drop the "A" bomb as it might send her running for the hills. If she asks you, then you can tell her, but maybe be reassuring in that not all social problems are autism (or are they). It's a tough call what to do.