Pets and Dying

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Well we had a very old cat in the house. And well he died recently. J Bird [14 years old] isn't taking it very well. On top of a parental divorce, a lego world destroyed and some other situations. This is not J Bird's year. He's not taking it very well at all. He's closed himself off, won't eat. Continues to stares at the cats things and refuses to even let us touch it. We have to clean up, but we're not even sure how to comfort J Bird. He always felt close to the cat the most, I think. I'd be second to the cat.

Perhaps the three of you can make a collage of the cat in various stages of his life, and get it framed. J-bird can have it up on his bedroom wall.

Every crushing cat death in my life sticks in my mind, and getting another cat has always helped.

We're going through this right now. Our 6 year old cat got out 3 weeks ago, and no one has seen a trace of her. My son is very, very upset. But I know he's worried about her, hoping she's ok, hoping she'll come back..

For J Bird, I'd treat it just like if this was a family member that had died. What would you tell him? How would you expect he would respond, react, etc? For my son, when my grandfather died, I let him have his grief, but also explained to him that grandpa was old and sick, but now he's not in pain any more. (that helped some) Sometimes, we just cry cuz we miss him.

When I was 14.. by best friend died suddenly of congenital heart disease. I didn't take it well, in fact, I don't really remember very much of that year. I was traumatized and in a deep depression, probably not very in touch with reality.. what I do remember is someone standing up during her memorial service and saying that no one is truly dead until no one remembers them anymore. As long as we keep them alive in our memories, they are always with us, a real part of us. 21 years later, I still can't think about her without crying, but my son knows her face and her stories and try my best to not forget anything about her.

J Bird lost a companion he loves very much, be it a cat or a person, his pain is real. You can be there for him, but you can't speed his healing process. You can talk with him, try to add new perspective and thoughts to his process, but in the end, how he grieves is something rooted deep inside of him, you can't alter that.

If J Bird will talk to someone, it sounds like it will be you. Just make sure you're available when he's ready.

Pandora_box
Check out your local library for books directed at teens/pre-teens about grief. Grief counselors will tell you that grief is a process with identifiable steps. Every peron goes through those steps at a different rate but he might be somewhat relieved to find out from a good book that what he is going through, while very painful, is normal.

I feel for you, it is very hard to watch a loved one suffer. Take care.

I just wanted to give an update. J Bird spent an hour crying on me. And asked me to bring my cat back. I told him I couldn't. But that our cat lives within each and every one of our memories. And that part of him will always be in our heart.

I also promised we make a shrine when we got our cats ashes back.

Our 14 year old cat went to sleep a few months ago. We were all devastated, especially my daughter. The cat lived in her room and was her best friend. We were lucking in that I got her another kitten the year before, in anticipation of how upset she'd be when he went. Although that doesn't help you now.

We buried him in the garden. She got choose the spot for him. It's under the bush next to the bird feeders, just where he'd like to be. She's made it into a proper little grave, with garden edging around it and the middle filled with gravel. We bought a small cat statute from the garden centre to go it and she's put his name tag on it on a bit of old chain. She keeps it all nice and sometimes sits there when she's feeling sad so she can be near him. She also wears his collar as a bracelet.

We lost our beloved cat of 11 years today. We knew it was coming as she had a large tumor in her abdomen and was becoming sicklier every week. I let my daughter say goodbye, select a memorial stone, and she selected a blanket to wrap her in. It was very hard but my daughter seems to be ok-I have explained that she had a good life and that she is not in any pain now and we can keep her in our hearts. I know there will be some difficult moments ahead, though.

My son recently lost a fish and it was horrible. He screamed and screamed and then finally cried. The anger was a full on 10. When I lost my pet bird I stayed in my room, didn't want to eat, was sad, mad, etc. I listened to the tape recordings I made of my bird talking and my mother lost it and tried to take the tapes away from me. I didn't let her. I had to tell her those tapes made me feel better. Granted, I was locked in my room in my closet, but my mom really wanted me to get over my bird more quickly. I hated that I had to go covert with my mourning. Not saying this is what's going on with your son, but maybe something to think about? Some thoughts that come to mind are if you could find a pix of the cat and your son, I'd go out and buy a really nice frame for it and give it to him.

The other overlapping issue for you boy is the divorce. Holy cow, he's got the loss of his cat and now his dad (assuming he's living with you) I think your son needs some place to go where he can let out some steam without you or dad on his back (not saying you are but in his mind you probably are)

My pet Schnauzer is almost 12 and I have been very attached to him. He has this huge tumor on his arm that can't be removed, and it's hard to look at because I know it's going to kill him.