hiding bowel movements

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Our 8-yr-old daughter has Asperger's Syndrome. She is fairly high functioning but we have had some ongoing difficulties that I would love to get some suggestions or input on. I've broken them into separate emails for clarity of topic. One problem is that she doesn't like to stop her activities to have a bowel movement, so she often ends up going in her pants. Though we don't get too upset we have made it clear that the situation needs to change. As a result she has started hiding the movements under rugs or in other places where it doesn't get found quickly (though often smell will lead us to it).

We don't have the sense that the movements hurt her, more that she tries to hold it as long as possible and misjudges occasionally (this still happens occasionally with urine as well but not too often any more). Also, due to early neglect (she's adopted) she doesn't have a good sense of her body sensations at the best of times.

We're not sure what to do. We have given her mild consequences for hiding it, explained all the reasons why it's a problem, but it doesn't seem to make a dent in the situation. What we're doing now is making her sit on the toilet every two hours, which hopefully might help on a physical level, but it doesn't seem like a good long-term solution. Wondering if other parents have faced this situation and what ideas people might have for working with the situation.

Do you make her wear diapers? There's some called Good Nights for bigger kids. Have you tried the potty training books and videos to see if that will inspire her? There's suppose to be a really good video starring a bear. I forget the name but I think Amazon.com sells it. There is also potty training dolls and even a Potty Elmo. Do you also let her go in the bathroom with you to learn from example? Maybe she just doesn't understand the concept yet.

I think I had a problem like that at that age. Though more often I did very poor wiping
and hid dirty underwear to hide that fact. I think it was routed in dyspraxia in my case. It takes certain motor skills to wipe.

I say start by feeding her a high fiber diet or use fiber supplements and then the most
natural time to goto the bathroom is after a meal so have her go after each meal and wait say 15 minutes or so. I guess you should slowly add fiber to her diet so her system get use to it.

If she's high functioning, she's certainly big enough to learn to got to the toilet and not in her pants (unless she is sick and has a stomach upset - anybody could have an "accident" under those circumstances). It might not be a bad idea to watch her a bit and take her off to the toilet if she starts showing signs of needing to go.

Putting nappies on her would be a backward step and would encourage her to act like a baby. I don't know if she goes to a regular school and if she has any accidents there or if it's only at home.

i'm sure you don't want to hear this, but......i'm an NT and had the same problems growing up. Mine was due to being sexually abused, though....disturbances in a child's bowel movements *can* be a sign of abuse. i would do anything to avoid having to go to the bathroom. I would go to bathroom outside, hoping that my feces would look like the dogs. i'd hide my dirty underwear. i'd pee my pants when i was nervous. my parents did not do anything about this except punish me.
i hope that your daughter's problems are not as serious as mine were.

hmm, if this behaviour is fairly recent, something could be happening at school that is causing it. Kids will poo their pants if they are nervous or upset so it would be worth checking if anything different has been happening recently if it is a new thing.

I've never talked about this with anyone, but I think I feel free enough to share it here. I won't go into too many details.

When I was in my first few years of school, I ended up having bathroom-related issues due to teasing. I wasn't taught the "proper" way to use a shared bathroom or use a urinal. The other boys had their pants down just enough to go, and I didn't know any better so I had mine to my ankles. I got teased for that, so I then had a big issue with going to the bathroom at school. That led to having "accidents" and that caused big headaches for my parents, I'm sure.

The point of this post - please teach your Autism/AS spectrum children how to properly use a public restroom by school age! That could save them from many hassles later on.

I concur, and certainly most schools expect that the children will have been taught how to use the toilet and other facilities (if they are a boy) by the time they are 5 or 6.

Hiding bowel movements seems to suggest that the child is embarrassed about having an accident but even though accidents aren't a good thing, maybe the parents can impress upon her that they'd rather know when she's just had one than to find little "presents" hours or days later when they cause more cleaning up.

If the child has had an accident, they should also be taken to the toilet and shown where the bowel movements should be disposed of because some mightn't understand the connection.

My son is 5 and did this intermittantly for about 2 years with it getting very bad earlier this year (almost every time he went). He also has encopresis which made him constipated and deadens the nerves so he had a hard time knowing he had to go. Related to that, he would intentionally poop in his pants and hide it. When confronted he said it was because he didn't want to stop playing, watching television, etc. Curiously, he never did it on Fridays when he went to the in-home childcare across the street or at preschool.

No amount of talking, incentives, rewards, bribes, consequences, etc. helped. We ended up finding a counselor (actually the one who first spoke the word "aspergers") and by our second visit with her he stopped. I would empty my bank account to know what she said to him.

Anyways, we will have to replace the carpet in his room because he had been hiding it under his bookshelf. We could smell it but could never find it until a few months ago. It is a horrifyingly embarassing situation to be in for sure.

I recommend ruling out sexual abuse and finding a good counselor to act as a third party. I hated the thought of taking my son because counselors never did a thing for me as a child so it was a last resort but I couldn't have asked for better results.

I'm hoping to get help w/ this issue as well as many others if/when we ever get a formal diagnosis for our son, who we are sure has AS. He's had a problem w/ holding in bowel movements since he was 1 year old (and NO, he was never abused and I hadn't even bought a potty yet, let alone tried to train him at that age.) He also started hiding his soiled underpants recently. We just made a new rule, that if I notice him squirming, butt cheek clenching, or any other of his weird movements that tell me he has to poop, then he HAS to go and sit on the toilet and try, no matter what he is involved in doing at the time. He often insists he doesn't have to go when it's obvious to everyone around him that he does. Btw, he's been on Miralax off and on for years for this problem. Holding in poop can cause some serious medical problems. Look up encopresis. If she's holding it in and only going when she absolutely can't hold it in anymore, she may actually NOT be able to feel it, and may actually be pooping around an impaction. This is something you really should discuss with her pediatrician, imo, it can get very serious.

i've heard some kids hold it in because of having unusually painful bowel movements ( really need a stool softener)....check with your pediatrician before going much further.

My son had the same problem and we finally had to take him to a pediatric GI doctor ( and still are) but he is finally doing better. Definintely check out the encopresis. Our doctor said Chronic Constipation, but he would hold it in too, and from doing this repeatedly it stretched out his rectum and he truly has lost sensation. We are still working to fix it, he is taking Miralax and is on a high fiber diet (okay Benefiber in almost everything because he eats very little) and he does go everyday now and hasn't had any accidents in a long time but he still doesn't feel it. We do have to make him go and sit everyday and I'll ask him if he went and he doesn't know until he looks. The doctor said it could take up to 9 months to a year for his rectum to return to regular size. He very rarely will pee on himself because he waits too long because of course, he doesn't want to stop playing Talk to your doctor and get it checked out!

My 13 year old daughter has huge bathroom issues also.

She refuses to use public bathrooms so of course she is holding it in all day especially when she is at school. Her teachers have even offered to let her use a teachers bathroom to offer her more privacy but she still won't go. So of course, by the time she gets home she is in a panic and a rush to get to the toilet. And the constant constipation is an issue also.

While I can't offer you any advice other than patience I can tell you that I relate and understand your frustration.

I have a 4-year-old brother who has a similar problem where he'll be so absorbed in his activity that he'll hold in his bowels and urine, and will sometimes only go to the bathroom if told or reminded. and now he will go to the bathroom by himself more than being told. So my advice would be to watch her and if she looks like shes going to have a bowel movement then remind her to go to the bathroom. Or before and activity get her to sit on the toilet for a while. but yeh keep a close eye and watch for and uncomfort movings or hiding in corners or small spaces.

Yes, because if she's high functioning, she ought to be able to learn to go on the toilet. It is certainly worth it to get her checked by a doctor to make sure there isn't any physical cause but it's probably because she just gets engrossed in whatever she's doing.

Some kids will fart just before they have to poop so that would be a sure sign they should go and sit on the toilet.