Help this mom.....Son with AS and has no friends

Post Reply New Topic

My son is 14 years old and has AS. He has a terrible time connecting with his peers. He thinks that others are constanly talking about him and making fun of him (since this has been the case in most instances). He take all things serious!! !

Because of this he has a hard time getting along with his peers. No one wants to be friends with him because of his quirks.

I believe my son is angry and depressed all of the time because he has no friends. I can only be his best friend to a certin point. Does anyone any ideas as to what I can do to help him make friends?

I am just so frusterated that I cant take his saddness way........what can I do?

Firstly, might be a good idea to find a local group of autistics or even other aspies. Even just one will give him someone to relate to, functioning like a holdfast for kelp. Perhaps go through the school he's at, try and start up a support group for teenage autistics.

He's also fourteen and he's full of emotions and hormones messing with his mind.

It's not really something that can be forced. What are his interests? Perhaps there are activities or groups he could participate in that cater to those interests.

Gifted-monster has some good advice, I think. See if you can find other people with AS. Your son might find it easier to get along with other children in a similar position. At the very least they ought to be more tolerant of his quirks.

Hi Jordansmom

I don't usually get involved and give advice because we are all different but we do have things in common and I might be able to help your son.
You can't make friends for your son only he can make friends but you can give him the tools, security and opportunity’s to make his own friends. If you are not careful his anger and depression can be taken out on you even though you are only trying to help him. You cannot make his peers like or accept him but you can try and find something to help him with the loneliness.

What’s his main interest in, Dance, Music, Computers, History etc? You should explore his interests and then get him an outlet like a group regarding the interest. You may find he has more in common with adults than his peers as long as he is protected, it is perfectly normal for him to have older friends.

I have felt alone and different all my life and that probably won’t change, I did however have a connection with a book I read To Kill a Stone Heart by Mason Dove. The protagonist Fenton Stone is like me and the author is also autistic so he knows what he is talking about. I have never met anyone like me so reading about similar traits made me feel less alone and different.

You sound very caring and are trying to help but the only way you can is to understand your son, the book may also give you an insight in to his mind if he is like us. The best thing you can do to help your son is help him deal with life himself then he will be more prepared for adult life. If anything I have said has helped you can always send me a message and ask for further advice.

Best of luck and I hope your son enjoys life more soon.

Someone asked a similar question a few days ago. I have copied the reply I gave to them below.

************************************************

Speaking as a parent I can say that I used to worry about this all of the time. I was always trying to figure out how my daughter might get more friends. I eventually realised a few things:

i) it bothered me much more than it bothered her. Yes she would have liked a few friends but she didn't think/worry about it anywhere as near as much as I did.

ii) my efforts to 'help' were actually counter-productive. She told me years later that she hated it when I 'tried to help' - in her words - she didn't worry about it until I kept bringing it up.

iii) You can't force it. It will happen if/when it happens. Usually through a common interest.

My daughter does now have have a few friends - not many - but she is happy with those that she has.

What I've found through experience is that autistics will have fewer friends, but they will be...for lack of a better term, better. It takes a lot to breach the emotional shell we build around ourselves but once they get through...well...we're empathic to the extreme and loyal to a fault.

Don't be surprised if your son prefers female friends. It might not be sexual, they just tend to be more mature and think with their upper head more than their crotch.

Usually. >.>

What kind of interventions is your son receiving for his AS? Most kids on the high-functioning end of the spectrum can learn social skills cognitively, even if they don't have them instinctively. There are a number of therapies and interventions that can help your son figure out how to communicate with his peers.

That being said, I think there are two very important points being made above:

1) Does your son WANT to socialize? Some kids on the spectrum do, some don't. If not, he needs to learn to protect himself socially, so that he doesn't have to feel either bullied or paranoid - but you can look to him for cues on how far beyond that he wants to go.

2) Outside-school activities that involve his special interests. Often, kids on the spectrum are a real asset to a community that shares their interest, even if that community is comprised of adults or younger children.

I thank all of you for the great advice!

My Son does want friends. He is very high functioning and bullied and is the brunt of many jokes, even at church, but mostly at school.

He is sad on a daily basis about the fact that no one will be his friend .

He has taken social skills classes and had much therapy, but it just does'nt seem to click.

I make him attend the church youth group and he costantly complains that others are mean to him. I kind of push him into these situations, but if I did not he would never partake in socializing. Should I continue to push him into these situations or should I just let it rest? He wants a friend so bad, sitting at home on the couch is not gonna make him any, that is why I make him participate.

I don't know what to do............I just want a kid!

So sorry, Mom - it's really hard.

What are your son's interests?

He loves drawing and studying maps, studying basketball and football statistics, and the weather.

I just don't want him to get so far into the pit, that I am unstable to get him out!

He loves drawing and studying maps, studying basketball and football statistics, and the weather.

I just don't want him to get so far into the pit, that I am unstable to get him out!

Both cartographers and baseball/football stats geeks probably have groups in your area. See if he's interested in joining a Fantasy Football or Fantasy Baseball league, for starters.

Check with your local museum to see if there are special interest groups in cartography. Classes might be the place to start there.

My son is desperately lonely and very much wants friends. I know this might sound horrid to most moms, but I am SO grateful for X-box live and the Playstation Network. When my son is playing online, he has friends and can hang out just like any other kid. Maybe it's not what either of us would prefer, but it sure beats people being mean to him. (well, they can be mean online, but then they block each other).

i am 15 and aspergers. when i was 14 i joined crew. I was the strongest person in the weightroom by a wide margin. people remarked on that and asked me a lot of questions about it. i have found that crew was great because it is a cult and people stick together in a big group all the time. I'm not sure whether this advice would help because your situation might be different, but joining a sports team with a good team spirit and social scene is good.

also try having your son wear sunglasses for a day and see whether it helps him. that way he doesn't have to make eye contact. it might make him less afraid and awkward and it could help a lot in the long run.

My 13 year old daughter is the same.She goes to girl guides,street dance,steel drumming but never seems to make a friend.If she didn't do these activities she would never mix with other children outside of school.She has a friend who has aspeger's but as she has the same communication problems they tend to just sit and watch films without rarely talking to eachother,the silence is deafening.The friends she wants to be with no longer are interested because she comes across as boring as she doesn't understand the usual teenage things and just talks about her pets and books.She prefers youbger children who are not so judgemental.She would love 'proper' friends but she never has had one so i understand your worry.In the school holidays she did lots of clubs,if she didn't she would never has seen any other children,but no friendships ever come from it.She is pretty quiet but is very caring and understanding of others but can't seem to sustain a proper friendship.