school help!! !

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Hi I'm new to the forum. I am a mum with a lovely little lad with autism. He was diagnosed a year ago and he is now 4 1/2 years old. We have just started the process of getting a statement of education. He is so stressed going to school it can take me 30mins to get him in the car. He tells me he hates school, that it is too noisy for him. He is violent at school and at home but, only when I'm trying to get him to school!! He is very verbal and at home he is lovely and calm and kind. The school have told me that at school he is happy unless now this is their words not mine! "he doesn't want to follow the rules, routine" I've asked when he is upset and it always relates to carpet time and group time, to me that is him not, not wanting to and more like not being able to.
Anyway my question is - how is school if you have autism? I know he finds group time difficult but i want to understand why. Also he seems so distressed going to school and we are getting constant reports of violent behaviour should we be looking at a different school? This behaviour has only started since the beginning of January he has always had challenging behaviour and not engaging in adult led activities but now it is biting kicking etc. These episodes are a couple of times a day and apparently in what is called independent learning he is quite happy.
Please can you help us to understand and help with the decision of where would be best for him to go to school? I just want him to be happy at school like he is at home.

My daughter has never really liked school. It's getting better now that she's almost 9 and kids are more predictable but that's exactly what bothered her about school.: the chaos. Imagine being around a bunch of unpredictable, loud kids that you can't understand. It's just TOO MUCH. For my daughter she does better in calm, predictable, quiet environments (unless it's outside where the sound disperses better and people are spread apart). And it's practically impossible for a school full of 5 year olds to create a calm, quiet, predictable environment!

So, unfortunately I don't have any advice except that my daughter did better sitting by the teacher away from the other children and she has always used adults as sort of a "shield" against other kids. Your son would probably do better with a smaller setting with a teacher who has the class somewhat under control with a lot of structure and routine.

As far as group time being diffuclt, this is when kids like my daughter get really anxious-#1 fear of being called on or singled out #2 not being able to "keep up" with what is going on socially within the dynamics of the group.

Hi, dexter, welcome - what part of the world are you in? I ask because I'm more familiar with the US and how stuff works here.

I agree with your assessment of "not being able to," it sounds like the things he struggles with are social things where there are expectations placed on the kids that he may not understand. It may help to make a "social story" of the day in school, including pictures, so he knows what to expect. Preschools in particular usually have a very tight, predictable schedule, as all the kids struggle a bit with it. Here's an examples of a preschool social story; visual versions are probably best at this age: http://preschoolspeech.com/wp/?page_id=404

Here's an illustrated one on circle time http://www.boardmakershare.com/Activity ... cial-story

It is really common for AS kids to experience sensory issues in that they just don't hear the world the same way we do. An everyday sound could be experienced by him like nails on a chalkboard. Dealing with that all day is, naturally, going to leave him agitated.

And the kids around him are unpredictable. For a child that likes order and routine, that is really difficult.

Some things that are common accommodations, that you might talk to the school about:

1) Noise cancelling headphones. He can keep these handy and use them when it all gets to be too much. If it seems he needs to wear them constantly then, well, you may have to dig deeper and determine if the situation can be made to work.

2) An escape place. He can leave the group for a safe, quieter place when he is feeling overwhelmed. My son used an anti-room; some kids are given a designated corner in the room. When they are older they might be allowed to go elsewhere in the school.

3) Sensory breaks. Similar to the above, but scheduled into his day.

If these types of adjustments don't work, or if the school is resistant, you may need to look at alternative schools or home school.

Good luck!

Any chance you could go and observe in school?

There are so many things that could be stressing him out.

Are the staff giving him warnings of transitions?
Is there a picture schedule so that he can see the routine?
Does he find the texture of the carpet distressing?
Do others bump against him in the circle?
Are there no set places when they move to group activities?
Is this when they sing?
Have the staff changed their approach this term?
Are they putting theirs hands on him to try to get him moved to the next activity?

Does he have an IEP, do you live somewhere that these are legally required and legally enforceable?

Thanks so much for all your replies. We live in the UK. I've asked the school to reduce the pressure on him and currently he is just doing independent learning which seems to be working they have been giving him more space to do his own thing over the past few days and today he actually had a good day at school!! !
I've been told that there is to be a new unit attached to a mainstream school where we live which is for children who are able academically but not able to cope with the environment of mainstream. I've been told they are looking at my son as a good candidate for this. I am keeping my fingers crossed that he will get a place there in september.
The school are using visual timetables and do prepare him for transitions but, he is just not able to engage in group work. I've also been told that the academic schedule will only increase and the expectation that he will sit and work in groups will increase so I don't think he will cope with mainstream school.
I am so grateful to have an opportunity to ask questions as he has only been diagnosed one year and we are still struggling with how to cope.