Kids say the darndest things

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"If you see a ghost you should freeze like a statue painted in color" because of course you can't be like a real statue since you are, in fact, in color.

I was explaining to my daughter that we could have a mama / daughter night out whenever she wanted and I told her to "just say the word and we will do it". After a while she asked "what is the word?"

My 3.5 year old niece isn't autistic but she says some funny stuff. Her latest was a conversation over lunch. She said the word poop at the table which she is not allowed to do. She was told not to say the word again but she did. She was told she had to leave the table. She stopped at the kitchen counter, turned around, put her hand on her hip and said "I am so misunderstood around here."

We were going with school to the swimming pool.

I was on the high springboard a teacher was in front of me and my teacher behind me. My teacher asked me if i didnt need floaters.

I proudly said nope hes going before me (pointing at the teacher in front of me) and he has a floatertummy like my dad. And my dad says that if im around him i dont need floaters too, that 1 pair of floaters around is enough.

Teacher in front of me never has spoken a kind word to me again

My sister has ASD and randomly picks up phrases and words. We were in the car and went over a some pretty rocky bumps when she exclaimed "Bloody Hell!" loudly, in my dads accent. We nearly cried laughing.

We sort of encouraged this one but everytime we say "autism" to her she replies "sucks"

For a couple of months, my daughter became resistant to taking a bath or shower. It was out of the blue as she had always loved baths before. She has a few sensory issues and so, I thought it was because it was the winter cold she was avoiding. I did everything to keep her cozy and she still refused. Finally, I made her tell me why she didn't want to take a bath...lol

She said " Grammy told me that wherever I am, Jesus is watching me and I don't want Jesus to see me naked"...lol

Do you have a double chin?

ahem... it was to a slightly chubby person but I thought it meant like the dimple you get in your chin.

I bought some new hand soap called "coconut and warm ginger".

After coming out of the bathrom my daughter asks "Where did you get that hot soap?"

when at a friends house, the boy said he was making a paper airplane for my son to play with and my son wanted to keep it but the boy didnt want to give it up.

DS: "you are the worst freind I ever had!"

to the same boy who told my son he cant have the paper airplane casue HE needs it, my DS stated, "no, you dont NEED it, you WANT it". this is after our social studies unit on wants and needs.

When the boy decided to give him the airplane, DS: "ok, now you arent the worst freind I ever had!"

KIDS!! !!

I have one really embarrassing moment thanks to my lovely very honest daughters.

My parents had their friend round and at the time she was looking after my children for the day. My daughter (who is a huge Peppa Pig fan) kept on looking him up and down, and my mum was praying silently hoping she wouldn't say anything. (This friend was how can I put it, on the larger side of life..with a rather round belly.) As he was getting off the couch my daughter went up to him looked at his stomach and said in a loud voice.

"You have got a belly just like Daddy Pig!"

Poor bloke laughed nervously and said in a quiet voice, "yes I have been trying to lose a little weight"

Driving home at a red light. We see a teen punk girl with cool spiky hair. Me "Wow, she looks badass." Dd, 10, echos "she looks ba-ass." Me, "Do you know what that means?"
Long pause. Dd "She looks like a fish."

Cute!

I had to wash ds's teddy bear last week, without warning. He was very upset (he's not yet 4 and teddy is his best friend). He sat in front of the washing machine for a while, and when it reached the spin cycle he got very interested, creeping up close and eventually announcing "I think teddy is getting very very dizzy now!". Theory of mind? Who needs it when you have Theory of Teddy Bear Mind!

My son's very direct about things, often to the point of rudeness though he doesn't get why it's considered rude, and I've lost track off all the embarrassing things that have come out of his mouth. Three do stick out, however:

1. He asked a boy in his Jiu-Jitsu class to if he could "please take a shower before class because you don't smell that great".

2. Went out to dinner with my four closest friends and when everybody got there, my son looked around at us and said, "Hey, I'm the only skinny one here".

3. We went to Chuck-E-Cheese one day and I had told him beforehand we wouldn't be spending much money because I'm on a budget and when we got inside he asks the young man giving out the hand-stamps if they have any really cheap games because "my mom doesn't have any money".

Kitten was walking across my kiddo's keyboard: "When the cat steps on a key my mouse freezes!"

DS had me nearly crying with laughter with this one.

DS: "Mom, what does a liver do?"
Me: "Well, it's a kind of filter."
DS: "Wish I had one by my MOUTH"

It took me a minute.

My 4yr old also does this..when I ask him to pick something up he is suddenly so hot and needs a drink lol