15 yr old stepson with NVLD emailed bomb threat

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Oh so this is about choosing to not tell because what is the point if people don't believe you.

I actually thought aspie kids were unable to tell people they were being bullied, not because they knew they wouldn't be believed so they saw no point to it. I also don't see the point in telling people if I knew they wouldn't believe me. That does not mean I was unable to tell them. Same as if I was always being blamed or being told it's my fault or being told off, I would quit telling them after a while because what is the point? But I wouldn't call that communication issues because I was telling it just fine and people chose to not believe me.

Well, it's also that my son is never really sure if he's being bullied or not in any specific situation. He understood, generally, that it wasn't possible that he "lost" his lunchbox four times in a row - but on any one of those occasions, he could easily have forgotten. It wasn't until we started "finding" his lunchboxes in impossible places (one time in the classroom of one of his bullies, which he never enters) that we all realized it was bullying and not executive function problems. On a case-by-case basis, no, my son isn't always sure he's being bullied, nor is he able to articulate what's bothering him: he just has a general sense of "something isn't right about this."

So, it's right both ways: sometimes it's a case of giving up, and sometimes it's a case of not being able to express the sense of "something's wrong" in specific enough language to let people know that kids are mistreating him. It's also that bullies make a real effort to cover their tracks, and typically have very good communication skills, so they can make it look like the kid who accuses them (as Pandora was implying, I think) was the one in the wrong.

Yep definetely what I was breaching on.

And League girl, when you're in 6th grade or 7th grade. That kind of thing can become so overwhelming that you do give up. I gave up on others people help. And started getting into a lot of trouble because I fought back. I didn't tell anyone any more because I didn't trust they'd solve the issue. No one ever did. When you're that young, you do give up easily.

Because you have no recourse.

Well, in his defence, most boys & men are NOT fond of High School Musical or Twilight.At all. Heck, I'm a girl and I don't like either one bit.

What worries me is that is parents aren't accepting the diagnosis. That's dangerous. That's like finding out your child has a severe terminal illness and not getting them medicine. In which cases the parents should be held responsible for not finding proper help/therapy for the child. That's honestly incredibly worrying, and I would consider getting the parents some help as well, my mom is similar to their stance but less intense. She doesn't want to accept it's extremely likely that I have AS (I'm going through the very long process of obtaining a diagnosis, everyone I have seen about it so far is convinced I've got AS, Depression, and Social Anxiety). She doesn't want to believe this but my behaviour even from when I was 4 & she took me to a psychologist suggests that I'm 'not quite right' as she would put it. The fact that the parents are in denial is not helping your step-son's situation at all. The fact that he has NVLD is not making it any better either, he could possibly be quite depressed and acting out of that, this 'bomb threat' issue is making me think of the times when kids have brought guns to schools, these kids were being bullied and as you said, you are sure he is being bullied, and that is likely to be a contributing factor.

I know I'm not a parent with a kid with the same problem, nor a teacher, nor a doctor or psychologist, and not a kid with the problem myself, I do have a bit of a problem with letting my feelings build up, which I know is not a good thing to do if you're not great at handling your emotions, but I think it would, in my experience, be worth it to have your step-son see a therapist, psychiatrist or at least have daily/every other day meetings with a school councillor(I myself have semi-regular meetings with a guidance councillor at my school) this could be greatly beneficial.
Also, sending him to be schooled at J.H is a HORRIBLE IDEA. It won't help. I've had students in my classes who were simply the troublemaking kind go, and believe me, integrating them back into the regular school system after that is not a good idea. Do everything you can to prevent him being sent there. If he's being bullied now, being in J.H is not going to be less harsh. I agree with Eureka-C on not allowing him to be placed on an AEP. Where I live the schools also have a program called an IPP program for kids with LD's, I was actually almost put on one because I have a LD in maths, this is not generally a good idea for kids like your step-son, however students are very often placed on an IPP for reasons like what's happening with your step-son, which can lead, as I have seen, to problems, ie. outbursts, violent behavior, etc.(a boy in my class growing up stabbed a girl in the chest with a pencil in grade 3, she wasn't terribly hurt, but still) because the people who are there to assist and control these students often are too strict/harsh or treat them like they're completely mentally incapable of doing things on their own. This is probably quite frustrating for them.

So, basically, try to be as involved as you can in what happens to your step-son, hopefully you can influence his parents to see reason,
sorry this was so long.

I wish you the best.

Not for me; I was unable to tell. I couldn't put words together to explain it, and when I did manage, after great effort, people just took it as meaning I was being teased a bit, nothing too bad. I've always had difficulty initiating both speech itself and new topics of speech, so unless someone asked me "Are you being bullied?", which noone did, it made it almost certain that the issue would never be brought up.

I am sorry that you are in this situation however schools must take all threats seriously.

Having read many articles on this subject schools cannot pass this off as a"He's Autistic so he emailed the school a threat and move on". While I agree people with Autism most likely won't follow through there can be some kids who could.

This is under the Zero Tolerance Policy. I'm afraid your son will have a long road ahead of him to clear this from his record via the court etc.

In theory any kid could say I have Autism or I am Bi Polar to get out of the charges. The DA would look at the case and could file this case under the Citizens of The USA or the State of X vs The School District.

Even if you don't want your son to face charges this could happen.

I would hire a good lawyer if they are going to press charges. Did the School Resource Officer speak with your son? If so there is a high chance of them pressing charges.

Furthermore if an Autistic kid stole from a store they could be prosecuted as well.

Good luck with this and I hope it turns out in your favor.

I think that he needs to work with a good psychologist in order to make sure that he has been diagnosed fully and correctly and in order to get him to modify his behavior. The bomb threat is a big deal that could cause the family a whole bunch of legal hassles and totally mess up his records.

He may also need to work with a child psychiatrist. Medication may be appropriate, depending upon what is going on.

Regardless of how he was being treated at school, the bomb threat is a red flag that he needs help. Kids nowadays know that they can get into trouble for making threats like this.

This blog was mentioned in another post, but I thought it was a really clear picture of what's happening on the inside of a kid with autism when this sort of situation occurs: http://momnos.blogspot.com/2012/02/spirited-away.html

I wish I had the tools this mother has, and the backup of the school team. Nobody believes me when I try to tell them my son is scripting.

I would take the bomb threat seriously. Not seriously as in he's really going to plant a bomb, but seriously as in he either lets things build up to the point where he acts inappropriately, or he reacts to situations inappropriately and sees extremes as normal.

We had a couple of bomb threats when I was in high school, but they were phoned in by friends of friends, and were done on days when we had a certain test that the kid wanted out of. We all had to go outside and stand for hours while the cops and the teachers searched the school. Hardly a single one of the kids thought there was a real bomb at any time. We all figured it was exactly what it was. The teachers were usually always terrified and believed it.

I would definately not leave him alone with my younger child until I was comfortable doing so, no matter what my husband said. The OP is not the mother of the older boy, but she (I am assuming) is the mother of the younger child, so if I were her, I would not back down on that at all. If the boy is seeing extremes as acceptable, he could cross a line any time without prior warning.

I would also talk to either the DA if the case hasn't gone to court yet, or to child protective services or his probation officer if it has, in private, and tell them my concerns about him and how his parents refuse to see whats going on and refuse to get him the help he needs. There could be a way where he has to see someone and get meds if he needs them, because it's court ordered.

Good luck, and I hope things work out for you. Keep us posted.

ETA; you said in the OP that he scared you. I think you need to talk to your husband about that and he needs to take your feelings and your fear seriously, even if he doesn't share it or agree with it, he needs to want his wife to feel safe.

Well it's over, for now! Stepson had his day in court. He's on probation for 1 year with 100 hours of community service.

I just really really really hope things cool down with him now! He's in yet another new school and he only has 3 years left of high school so he needs to just keep his head down and concentrate on his school work.

I really hope there is no more drama from here on out...

I do hope you get that wish.

Do you think he's made much progress in understanding through all this?

Not sure DW...I'm a bit worried that he says he doesn't know why he made the bomb threat..I just wish he could give us a reason...but maybe things will smooth out, maybe inside it's hit home, I really don't know. To me he hasn't shown much remorse but his dad says he says he wishes he never did it. It makes sense he's more open with his mom and dad...I came into the picture 4 yrs ago so he's probably not comfortable talking to me about this.