16 Mar 2012, 10:04 pm
magicmum wrote:
My son is 17 yrs old. I have never had him diagnosed but everything that he is - has been since he was small - points to AS. It's ok with me, I don't think it matters at all so that's why I didn't bother with a dx. He is an incredibly talented writer and also loves art, but hopeless in maths/logic. Most of the time we're fine, but I just can't seem to get through to his dad that he has to react in slightly different ways to some of our son's behaviour.
He's mostly pretty stable, but now and then he just explodes with rage about something inconsequential ( to us) and I have learned to just let it happen - he storms off, he clams down and he's forgotten what it was about. My h can't - he screams at him, and the whole thing escalates into WW 3. I've tried to explain to him that his reaction is making it worse, and I've tried to explain to my son that he needs to know that his dad doesn't understand. I end up in the middle telling both of them to stop shouting but my h thinks that means I'm allowing bad behaviour.
Any ideas ?
He's mostly pretty stable, but now and then he just explodes with rage about something inconsequential ( to us) and I have learned to just let it happen - he storms off, he clams down and he's forgotten what it was about. My h can't - he screams at him, and the whole thing escalates into WW 3. I've tried to explain to him that his reaction is making it worse, and I've tried to explain to my son that he needs to know that his dad doesn't understand. I end up in the middle telling both of them to stop shouting but my h thinks that means I'm allowing bad behaviour.
Any ideas ?
1. Wow, your son is so much like me, but in male form and a slightly younger. My gosh that's freaking uncanny! Have you ever had him tested for a learning disability in his maths? I struggled for YEARS. I mean like hysterical crying, 'I don't understand/can't do this' almost every night. It was BAD.
2.Your husband sounds like my mum, she doesn't really care that I might have AS, she says it's no reason for me to "act the way I do" and I need to "grow up". I CAN imagine what your son must feel, and it's kind of like they don't love/accept/understand you,which feels unfair because that what parents are supposed to do (right?) but since you aren't fitting into the 'normal' mold that that they want, you feel like you're not exactly 'wanted'. It's kind of awful. You should let your husband know how much it hurts your son that he isn't supportive/doesn't accept him for who he is.
3. Find some websites, (like this one!) articles, books, etc. to educate both on the matter. It'll help. Also, introducing your son to a site like this where he can connect with like-minded people would probably be beneficial.
Also, it would be in your son's best interest to keep him away from alcohol, since it is technically classified as a "downer" and could end up making him feel worse, which isn't the aim obviously.
Man, I'm making myself tear up
17 Mar 2012, 4:03 pm
19 Mar 2012, 8:42 am
21 Mar 2012, 7:44 pm
