Nudity

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My son (13) totally surprised me last night. He was watching TV in the family room upstairs and when I went to bed I headed that way to tell him to turn the TV down a little. I came around the corner and lo and behold, he was sitting in the chair stark naked. I told him to put on some pants and he said he's decided he doesn't want to wear underwear while he is at home (he's slept in just his underwear for a long time, so it's not unusual for him to walk around the house in only underwear). I told him that's fine, but please at least wear a robe while he's out of his room. I then offered to buy him one and he said no. I don't quite understand this sudden change in him. He has always been extremely modest and now all the sudden he wants to walk around the house naked? What's up with that? I know it's not a big deal for him to walk around naked around his Dad and brother, but around me, I just don't know!

I'm itching to make a caustic remark in reference to your earlier thread but I shall restrain myself.

He should grow out of it. Mind you, I sometimes walk around the house naked but that's usually when I want a bath or something like that.

Thank you for restraining yourself!

Anyway, the issue isn't the nudity, but the fact that his modesty level has changed so dramatically. His 8 year old brother walks around naked after his bath and he used to do the same until he was about the same age and got hit with extreme modesty. He has been very careful not to let anyone see too much since then. Now, all of a sudden he wants to lounge around naked? It just makes no sense why there would be such a quick and dramatic change.

Most of the time when my son suddenly changes his behavior, it's something he's picked up somewhere else - either from a friend, a book, or tv.

It is your house and you have the right to set the rules. I imagine he'd feel a bit different about his decision were someone to pop over unannounced for a visit?

Our son did become a bit more enamored with his body when the changes of puberty hit, but DH had a talk with him about modesty and keeping the nudity to his room or the bath. We bought him a beautiful plush robe for the 5 foot walk between them.

Makes no sense to me either. At your son's age, I was extremely modest. I would bring all the clothes with me into the bathroom, and not even unlock the door until I was fully dressed. But to remedy your situation, just tell your son it makes you uncomfortable. That way, you're not pressuring him or nagging him, you're just telling him that it bothers you. To demonstrate that, when knocking on the door to his room, you can ask him: "Are you dressed? I gotta come in." That way, you'll show him that you won't enter his room unless he's covered up. As a compromise, you can ask him to at least put on underwear while sitting around the house. Make it a rule for everyone (although I'm guessing they do it anyway), so your son won't feel singled out.

He might not be feeling "less modest"---he might be having a difficult time with sensory issues.

I don't know if you've ever stopped to consider the constraints and irritations of clothing, but for some of us it can be UNBEARABLE.

If he has always enjoyed being in his undies, then he may have these tactile sensory issues.

With hormonal changes, he may be feeling more sensitive at the moment.

Definitely set some boundaries as to WHERE he can be naked---BUT let him have a "safe" place to be nude.

Good Luck!

You're right - it could very well be a sensory issue. Maybe the underwear just isn't comfortable any more. I will have to ask him and see if we can come to some kind of compromise. He never has liked long sleeves, so maybe that's why he refused the robe. It occurred to me that maybe he might like something like a kilt. That way he could lounge around almost naked but still be covered up.

I don't know where else this could have come from. It is so out of the blue. Aspie1 - he used to be the same way about the bathroom door. He always wanted it locked. That's why I'm so baffled. When I was 13, I sure didn't want my mom seeing me naked!

The main thing I don't want to do is make a big deal out of it with him. I really do want him to be totally comfortable with his body and the skin he is in and I don't want to put any doubt or shame into his mind, so I need to be really careful how I approach him about this. Maybe I need to tell him it is the most natural thing in the world to be naked, he just needs to be aware of how it may affect other people who may be around to see him. I just don't know...

maybe buy him a couple pairs of boxer shorts, with some types you can hardly tell (sensory-wise) that they're on, and he might like that.

I sometimes walk around my flat wearing boxers over my protective underwear and a bra, when it's hot and I know that nobody will be around. I too, also walk around naked after a bath or a shower. My curtians are drawn around those times, as well.

Boxers are a great idea. He does wear boxer-briefs already, but they are tighter than traditional boxers. I will get him some and see how he likes them. Thanks!

I agree with agent79! I used to only wear those mesh athletic shorts because the feeling of denim fabric irritated the hell out of me so much. I wore about 6 pairs consecutively for 3.5 years before finally putting on some khaki pants. I'd wear the athletic shorts even when it was raining outside. It drove my mother nuts, but then she realized that it wasn't the pants, it was the material the pants were made out of...I'd suggest asking your son to show you his favourite clothing items; things he enjoys wearing. Then, go out and buy about 3 x the amount of stuff so he'll be comfortable AND covered up. ;^)

~aspiegirl89~

threaten to take away his allowance if he doesn't start wearing clothes.

Now THAT'S just asking for a meltdown.

haha...agreed! That IS just asking for a meltdown...

That would just be giving the message that it's completely wrong for him to want to be nude. Problem is, is that as kids go, they tend to be defiant if they at least can't compromise a little bit.

It wouldn't work and would worsen the situation.

I agree with Agent79. There's probably some sort of sensory issue going on. Before going out to buy him boxers though why not ask him if he's clothes are comfortable and which ones? Is it the style or cut of the clothes or is it the fabric? Or is your house to hot so he has to run around naked to stay cool? Or is it a germ issue?

I run around in undies in summer with curtains drawn of course so as not to scare the neighbors. My apt is too hot because I live in desert with no a/c. I also don't like sweating or wet sweaty clothes. I also have an issue with bringing outside germs home with me. Like once you've been in public your jeans are covered with germs. Maybe he has some issue like that going on. Or stupid as this sounds maybe he doesn't realize he is nude when he is naked. Aspies sometimes just don't get the obvious. You might need to tell him.