Toileting issues with a 2nd grader

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Hi, thank you for reading this. I am a single Mom dealing with 2 children that are ADHD and one with a potenital ASP. My son is in the second grade, age 7, and behind in reading and writing skills I have a section 504 plan in place for him at school for those issues...a issue that had occured in first grade and has been present the entire year is getting progressively worse. beginning of the year it was pee accidents 2-4 a month....now he is at the stage now where he is having potty daily and number 2's 3-4 times a week. I have tried the reinforcements, rewards, the praise and made him sure he was not in trouble for having accidents. Nothing seems to be working. He does great for a day or so and he gets praised for it and when he awakes dry he gets praised for it and then another day is like we have totally forgotten what the bathroom was. It doesn't seem to be when he's engaged in anything that he is interested in it is just anytime and very randomly. This past weekend he has gotten every frustrated with himself when he had an accident and I just encouraged him to just change his clothes...then he had an outburst and was like "mommy i am the only kid in school who still has accidents, what is wrong with me? I know he says its the aspergers." I reassured him that he is just having some set backs and he will conquer them and be very successful. Inside my heart was breaking for him. I am at a loss of what to do for him. He still will hide his "poopy" underwear in his laundry basket even tho he knows he wont get into trouble about it. He also has lied to me about having accidents and i reassure him he wont get in trouble just to be honest with me. He is getting better at it but still an issue.

I have spoken with his physician and we have tried...meds, rewards, positive reinforcement like mentioned earlier. His doctor has finally sent him to a gastroenterologist to see if it is a medical issue or a behavioral one. My son cant tell me when he has to go pee or poop it is a sometimes feeling never consistant which i understand is very common. I do have him on a waiting list which i don't think the child will ever get into this clinic and get the help he needs. So therefore i am here to get some help from any kind from fellow parents. He has been on the waiting list since August of last year and I was told today that it will be another 5-6 month before I 'might' get a call. Does anyone have any suggestions or been in the same situation and how was it handled? Any help is appreciated.

Not a parent but i have spent 10 years working with adults with various developmental disabilities( positions ranging from job coach to managing a group home), and also have a dx of aspergers.
When does it happen? Is there any difference between school days and weekends? If he was home on a day he would ordinarily be qt school ( snow day, vacation, ect) would it be any more or less likely to occur. Collect data, and run the numbers. This is were the answers lay.

There is no rhyme or reason to his accidents. I have observed them over a now 2 yr course and this year there is no reasoning being home or at school....right now at school its a daily occurance.

Some kids don't register their body's messages that it needs to go. See if you can figure out when he tends to go, and set up a reminder system so he goes to the bathroom on a schedule; a lot of parents do this with their infant without even realizing it (that's where a lot of "early" potty trainers come from.)

I agree with the previous poster, the starting point is a diary of when he goes, whether by accident or on purpose, and then you can set up a schedule - maybe give him an alarm watch if that isn't too obtrusive. You also might want to talk to him about what warning signs he might be missing and why (my guess is he's hyperfocused on something, and doesn't notice?)

Good luck! I hope other parents will chime in with their experiences!

Sometimes school trips to the restroom are chaotic and rushed, and I can see it being difficult to make good use of that time when there are ten other children running around the bathroom. Would it be possible to work in a more private trip to the restroom for your son to have the time he needs once or twice a day at school, when it wouldnt be super obvious to the other kids that he was being allowed more potty time (such as, at the start or end of another time that he transitions to another special class or therapy time)? even if it were like, "going to the nurse's office after lunch everyday if the nurse has a private restroom?

Sometimes having other people around makes it difficult, being rushed doesnt help, and having to ask a teacher for permission to use the restroom can be really uncomfortable for a child.

I definitely sympathize with the situation, I don't know how my dear parents had the patience to deal with my bed wetting, I was quite the repeat offender for many years.

http://www.freevideosforautistickids.co ... ining.html

You can check out the section from my free website. My older son with high functioning classic autism was almost 4 when potty trained due to developmental issues, I think. My younger son was diagnosed with encopresis--basically pooping in the wrong place due to psychiatric issues.

Basically, with encopresis, you have to both work on the psychiatric issues (eg. SSRIs for anxiety and ABA therapy), and you also have to work on the potty training with timers, potty training books, visual instructions, etc. I also have some motivational potty training videos on my website, which will help most with a child with developmental issues, I think.

http://www.freevideosforautistickids.com/reading.html
http://www.freevideosforautistickids.co ... ulary.html
http://www.freevideosforautistickids.co ... _BSH2.html

I also have a whole lot of speech and reading resources on my free website--speech videos, flashcards, ebooks, etc.

Good luck!

I am not an expert, but I have a son who had troubles with peeing and pooping on and off again until almost 9. Hang in there. Keep encouraging him and reassuring him that you know he can 'get there'. Stress of growing up, of teething, of almost anything at all would set him back. He was normal but put into slow motion if you know what I mean.
My son's progress in this department was two steps forward and three steps back for quite some time. Eventually it stabilized.
Good Luck.

I was encopretic from age 3 to 14. I managed to stop the "inappropriate pooping" but I think whatever my psychiatric issues where then they compounded from that experience. I am still sorting out these issues today; twenty years later.

what may be relevant to the OP from my experience is that it was hard for me as a child to not take my mothers frustration as evidence that I was a deeply flawed and disappointing person; something to be careful of.

I also have a 2nd grader who struggles with this. In his case, he tends to poop either overnight or first thing in the morning. He also tries to hide it, but leaves dozens of poop-smeared wipes on the floor of his bathroom. I believe he does that because he's embarrassed and knows he's not supposed to but can't help it. I also believe it is sensory in that he can't feel the urge to go. He does not have issu with pee, expect that he wets a pull- up every night, but I do have to prompt him to pee when we are at home.

Indopn't have any special advice but wanted to let you know that you are not alone and from what I've read this is very common in ASD children.

Have you tried working with an OT to help him with his sensory integration?

I also have a 2nd grader who struggles with this. In his case, he tends to poop either overnight or first thing in the morning. He also tries to hide it, but leaves dozens of poop-smeared wipes on the floor of his bathroom. I believe he does that because he's embarrassed and knows he's not supposed to but can't help it. I also believe it is sensory in that he can't feel the urge to go. He does not have issu with pee, expect that he wets a pull- up every night, but I do have to prompt him to pee when we are at home.

Indopn't have any special advice but wanted to let you know that you are not alone and from what I've read this is very common in ASD children.

Have you tried working with an OT to help him with his sensory integration?

WOW I wanna thank everyone for all the advise and words of encouragement. Sometimes it feels like Im the only mom in the world dealing with this issue, glad to know i am not.

I did take him to the gastroenterologist and we are gonna try a new regimen with him and see how that works....I start it Saturday so wish me luck....its gonna be a long time to do this regimen but if it works then it will be well worth it.

Some kids dont feel comfortable pooing (or peeing for that matter) at school or in a strange place. Its a very private thing and sometimes public or school bathrooms are not at all private. It could also be stress related, my daughter has never been completely potty trained but she would bring me her PECS or we would just watch her body language and sometimes she would actually go by herself. I had to get her to stop wearing diapers when she was around 4 because she would break out and then get a MRSA abscess and get very ill.....once she had to have surgery the abscess was so deep. So we got her a potty watch....it could be set to go off ever half hour, ever hour, hour and a half....you get the picture. The one I got for her played music....I think It was twinkle twinkle little star....but this helped us mainly as we were the ones that needed to take her and we hoped it would help her to understand that she needed to go.....she is 7 now and she has small accidents both pee and poo. You could get your son a watch that only vibrates and does not make any noise, they are expensive though. The problem with my daughter is, is that her aide is not helping her like she did last year, its as if she is trying to make her "grow up" like the typical kids. We sent gloves, wipes and pads to put in her underwear.....she is allergic to disposable diapers and these pads are making her break out as well so Im going to have to sew cloth diaper liners into her underwear until this year is over. Otherwise she is going to keep getting urinary infections....fortunately we have had no MRSA.

I didnt like my son in that school and I dont like my daughter there. She has classic autism but has a very high IQ in many areas.....My son is 9, has Aspergers and was constantly bullied in that school last year.....no one is bullying my daughter and she wouldnt notice if they did but she is very stressed and her sensory system is wrecked due to children screaming, flying balls on the playground and an aide who does not take care of her because....in her words...."does not ask her to play with her".....she is clueless about autism and has been given several opportunities to be trained but makes up excuses. We now have her therapy center aide come on Fridays and she has therapy on Tuesday afternoon and on Wednesday morning. I send sensory toys for my daughter, sunglasses and eardefenders all of which we have to constantly remind the aide and the teacher to give to her....they expect her to ask so I made her PECS....I dont know why the toilet PEC is not working.

My son is in the specialized school with other kids with Aspergers, Autism, ADHD and behavioral disorders. He is very verbal, of course, and fluent in English and French as we sent him to a French immersion school in the US as we knew because my husband is French we would probably move here sooner or later. My son loves his school and he has started reading now where he could not last year. They talked us out of putting my daughter in the school as they would put her in the classroom with mainly classic Autistics and they were afraid her language skills and "social skills" (which for some reason they are convinced she has), would suffer and she would regress.....she is regressing in this school. However, my sons teacher says she could take my daughter and they could alternate their therapy so that they will both only be in class together on one day.

She has gone to school since she was 3 and always loved it, even loved the school here last year as it was the little school for 3 years to 5 years. Now she does not want to go to school and I even keep her home because it causes me pain to send her and I am very ill with two diseases that cause chronic pain, plus I also have Aspergers so I understand my kids feelings on a deeper level. I should have followed my gut feeling last year and put her in the Autism school. There are non verbal kids in my sons class and he has a friend....finally!....The little girls in my daughters class, last year, thought she was like a toy and would overwhelm her by touching her face and grabbing her all the time. The teacher taught them how to treat her and she has one girl who is more like a mother or protector stand in. We let her go to the little girls birthday party thinking she would be ok for two hours. She was very upset, tired and crabby when she got home...she also did not give the girl her birthday present because she wanted it LOL! Anyway.....sorry about the long story. My baby is happy in her therapy center with the other kids be they non verbal or not, she could care less. Its the therapist's she is interested in. She is only social with adults because she is so used to one on one care, she had in home therapy and then the special autism school starting at age 3. She did have a friend in the US who she had a better understanding of even though the other little girl was non verbal.....My daughter can not carry a typical conversation anyway. She is simply not ready for public school and either is my son, he still has issues with being social. His friend also has Aspergers and they like the same things so they get along really well.

So have you looked into him being picked on or bullied about this issue in school or maybe talk to him about if he likes using the school bathroom or if he does not.....he may be trying to "hold it"....retain. My son did this when he was in Kindergarten and then I home schooled him until he got here as he was bullied at his private school, I was not about to put him in a public school. I thought he was ready when we got here but I was wrong.

Hi, you are not alone! My son is also in 2nd grade and sounds very similar to your son. My son was diagnosed ADHD at first and he had trouble mostly in 1st grade academically and behaviorally, but then it just got worse. I tried everything too and it was very frustrating. Unlike your son, mine did not seemed too bothered with the fact that he has accidents, but he had yet to experience anyone make fun of him.

I believe it to be a combination of sensory and behavioral, his body possibly not receiving the message that it's time to 'go' along with his mental state at the time. For example, my son says he doesn't feel it until its too late, but at the same time I think he is waiting until the last minute in certain scenarios. Another aspie told me that he might just not pay attention to that if he is doing something else or if he hasn't allotted time for it in his schedule.

My sons 'cure' for this is his medication called Intuniv. It is a non stimulant drug that is often prescribed for ADHD and for tic and impulsive behaviors for others. Its an anti hyperintensive to be specific. My son rocks back and forth a lot and also does not use the toilet if he does not have this medicine. He runs around 90 miles per hour but even more without the meds! Also he doesn't sleep well but he sleeps every worse and a lot less without that med. like 2-4 hrs a nights and that's it. Anyway, it may be worth asking your dr about it. Just hang in there and stay supportive and creative with solutions and workarounds!