Therapist and Medication - Guilty

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Why is that EVERY single doctor or therapist we go to the first thing out of their mouth is... medication?

My son CLEARLY reacts and his behaviors are directly linked to the environment he is in. I have been able to keep him off medications for years because of changing even the smallest thing in his environment. These changes can make a HUGE impact on his ability to cope (like buying a certain brand of shirts, or that writing on paper with a pencil is like scraping fingernails on a chaulk board, etc.)

I also feel like they look at me like I am a nutcase when I explain to them why I choose NOT to medicate my child. Like I am being mean to him, or abusing him because the majority of parents give their kids something. Then I start to feel guilty. I am most certainly on the spectrum myself, and I have always found that learning how to cope with my body's reactions to things has helped me more than any medication has. Even when I get into a funk, with anxiety and depression, working with a therapist to change my behavior has worked better than just taking a pill.

Am I wrong?

When we were in the same situation, a friend said "If the only tool you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail."

Start by seeing social workers, therapists, and psychologists who can't prescribe medicine in the first place. Let them know your feelings about medication, and ask for referrals to therapists who share your perspective.

I don't think you are wrong; I've got a 14 year old boy who has overcome or adapted pretty much all his challenges, and he has NEVER been medicated.

Then again, I've never gone to see a doctor about any issues related to his AS (the AS is only a footnote in his pediatrician's file, we only have a school use diagnosis). The professionals I've needed over the years were speech therapists, OT's, and the like, and while some have suggested I look into it, none have had the authority to prescribe, and they never pushed very hard for that reason. I've always said, "I have a few more things I am going to try first" and left it at that.

While I believe that medication is a valuable tool for many, I think it gets jumped to way too fast, because the process that you described - and that I use - isn't something that can be completed in a 15 minute consultation, and nor in a 1 hour one, and we are a society that likes to have single sentence solutions and protocols.

I don't think you are wrong.
I think you're being brave actually and putting the long term well being of your child over what would probably be easier for you in the short run.
Medication can be very good but they can also do some funky things to a still developing brain. In my limited experience with myself and kids I've worked with it seems like a lot of times the medication just keeps the child 'calm' by keeping them doped up, it slows them down. I ended up a total zombie throughout high school and it breaks my heart when I see that tell-tale listlessness in a child.
I do think medication is good when prescribed correctly but I also think it's over/incorrectly prescribed to children too often.

I really do think that's a very American thing-more so than in other countries.Well here I am assuming you're in the States. But you would not be remotely considered to be doing the wrong thing here in Ireland, you know your child best. I would be inclined to think medication a last resort, certainly there is a place for it, when all other avenues have been exhausted, and if the child is suffering without it. One would like to think it's a step no parent would take lightly.

My sentiments exactly. Some children genuinely need medication in order to properly function. I only wish that I had been diagnosed with OCD and given medication for it when I was young. My untreated OCD is one of the major reasons I had a horrible childhood. But in another way, I'm glad that I didn't grow up in an era where medications are just being thrown out like candy. Not being diagnosed with OCD or AS until adulthood forced me to learn coping skills and adapt to an NT world. I feel that many children today who are diagnosed young are given accommodations and/or medications as the first option rather than waiting to see if it's something the child can do, despite struggling. If I were growing up nowadays, I don't think I would achieve half as much as I have when it comes to academia.

I think it depends who you see - when I see my GP about my problems (depression and panic attacks), he normally prescribes medication immediately, because (I think) he wants to help, but doesn't know any better ways to.
When I see my psychiatrist, he doesn't want to put me on medication because he knows more about me than my GP and he knows if he puts me on medication then I won't progress.

ha ha.. yes only in America, lol. You assumed correctly!

I don't think you are wrong at all, as sometimes the side effects of the meds can outweigh the benefits.

I also don't know how old your child is, but I would think that it's best to use non medication ways to help a younger child. However, if your child is older and depending on the degree that his AS/ASD effects him, you may want to look at medication. I'm only saying this because as he gets older he will be in situations where things can't be changed for him. An example would be if he just cannot function in flourescent lighting. Schools have it, but you can homeschool, so that can be avoided for now. However, when he's an adult he is going to be hard pressed to find a job where there isn't any. (I'm only using that as an example off the top of my head about things that you can control for him now as a child, vs later as an adult) Of course, he could grow out of some of those things, or learn to manage them himself and deal with them on his own without meds, which would be ideal. It's really your call, and I'd imagine it depends on his age, the things that you have to change, his functioning level, if he's learning to cope with other things, etc. I'm no expert on raising a child on the spectrum. My only experience with it is being a child on the spectrum.

My two boys both had/have ADHD. When my oldest was in maybe 2nd grade, he was having so many problems that we put him on Ritalin. That was what they used back then. It worked great for him. He could concentrate, he minded better, he seemed to be in a better mood because he wasn't always so frustrated with everything, it was great. But it had too many drawbacks. He had no appetite and we could only get a little bit of food in him. He lost weight even with adding protein shakes, etc to his diet. He couldn't sleep at night even though he was on the lowest dose and he got it early in the mornings. I'd lay by him for hours to get him to sleep. Also, his little heart was going 90 to nothing all the time. After a few months we took him off it and he had to learn to find other ways to handle the ADHD. He did, somewhat. My youngest son is on Vyvanse now, and we did try other meds for him when he was younger. The Strattera made him extremely negative, and he could "feel" any of the other stimulants and that freaked him out. It was last year that we tried again and now he's on Vyvanse. He's 17 now, and his ADHD isn't getting much better, and he's also got an anger problem and problems with authority and a very smart mouth, and he's aware of it and will be the first to tell you that he has it. He needed something, and the Vyvanse helped him a good bit. He's not as frustrated and can concentrate on things better now. He still flies off the handle especially when he is offended (he's pretty sensitive to unfairness and such, like I am, and he will gladly tell somebody off if he thinks they aren't being fair, just like me, but that gets him in trouble a lot (just like me lol). So, those two examples above are something like I'm talking about. If the meds don't have too many bad side effects or the ones they do have aren't acceptable, then don't use them. If the kid is older and still can't seem to adjust, then try something and see. Trying can't hurt in many situations, and you just might find something that helps, like I did. However, I can see how you might want to wait and see what his own progress is, and wait until he's a teen or so before trying something.

He is 14 years old.

Bear in mind that I don't know your child or your situation, but at 14, I'd give the meds a shot. That's what I would personally do, but you are his parent so of course your decision is a lot more informed about him than mine.

I kept mine off of ADHD meds until he was about 15. He's 17 not and just turned 17 last month. I don't like giving stimulants but I figured that at that age it wouldn't hurt to try. If it didn't work or if it freaked him out because he felt the "speedy buzz" then we could stop them.

Then again, different drugs mean different risks. With the stimulants, I figured that at his age about 1/4 of his class were taking them because the doctor put them on them and another 1/4 were taking a much higher dose of them just because they like speed, and that a trial of a low dose to see how it works for him wouldn't hurt him. If it were something like a strong antipsychotic, I wouldn't really want to even try that unless the benefits outweigh the risks or the side effects. If it were something like Xanax or Clonopin then I would be open to trying it.

For me, the decision would have to be based on what the actual problems he was having are, the severity of them and how they are impacting his life and his opportunities, both social and academic. While academic opportunities and achievement are more important to us parents, the lack of social opportunities can be devistating to a kid, especially if he is aware of them and knows he's not included for some reason or other.

I'm certainly no expert on kids on the spectrum, but I was a kid on the spectrum although back then nobody gave kids meds except Benadryl to make them hush and go to sleep. I can only give you my opinion as to what I would have wanted done for me if I were in his shoes. I can also give you my opinion as to what I would do if it were my kid. If you don't mind, what are the problems he's having, what adjustments do you have to make for him about them, and what meds are they suggesting?

Also, is he having trouble in school because of it and if so what do his teachers and maybe the school counselor etc say about the whole med pushing thing? Some schools will push meds, thats a fact. My oldest son's teachers pushed Ritalin over and over and eventually I decided on my own to try it because he just wasn't doing well. It worked great, but like I said, I didn't feel the side effects were acceptable. You are the one who has to live with your kid, not the teacher. You will be the one to see the side effects of the meds more than the teacher, and you are the one who will do the worrying over whether or not there will be side effects, not the teacher. But sometimes they are right. And sometimes they are wrong.

Yep, I have to say this was my initial thought also. DS has seen several dr's and medication has never been mentioned once - admittedly he isn't at school yet but for me, medication would an absolutely last resort.

From the point of view of someone who's been medicated, heavily-- and had the same guilt tactics used to keep me taking pills that were making problems worse, not better-- NO, I don't think you're doing the wrong thing.

I think you're going to have a hard road, and your kid is going to have a hard road, in a world that STILL wants everyone and everything to toe some stupid conformist line. You need to prepare for that, and prepare your kid for that-- 14 is more than old enough to be prepared for the way things are out there.

I think you are choosing the more difficult path-- and only you and your kid can decide whether that's a choice you really want to make-- but not the wrong one. To borrow a line from Harry Potter, "A time is coming when we will all have to make a decision between what is right, and what is easy."

Something along those lines, anyway.

For me, the easy path would have led to a group home and a semi-vegetative state. The hard path leads to a high-functioning life of conflict. Well, I'm here. I'm still not entirely comfortable with my choice, but I've made it and I'm here.

Since he is 14, have you discussed it with him and asked his opinion? He's the one who will be taking them, after all. I don't think a 14 yo should have the final say by any means, but he should have some input into the decision. What does he think about it? I would also suggest letting him hear your side and also the doctors side. That way he gets to hear the pros and the cons from both.

She's right. I get kind of militant on the subject of medical professionals, AS, and medication based on my own experience.

It does depend what kind of medication they're talking about, and for what reasons. In my case, they didn't even listen or bother to get to know me. It was, "You have AS, this is how you behave, this is what you're capable of, this is how we treat you. Learn to accept it. Next!"

What do they want to give the child, and why???

And it matters a whole lot what your son thinks. At 14, he shouldn't have the final say, but he should definitely have a voice.