Guardianship of our daughter.

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Please help! Someone please help me!
My wife and I disagree about the guardianship of our daughter. I sort of remember agreeing to her choice at one time, but we were both doing something else and it really was not the time or place to talk about it. So I did agree with her choice. That was before our daughter's birth and now she is 1 year old and we have an appointment with a lawyer to make a family will.
Her choice is her best friend, who has a daughter 18 months older than ours. They play often. Right now they are at a birthday party of a child of one of their friends.
The more I think about it the more I disagree.
Her choice has since gotten married. I don't like either of them. Nothing specific. I don't dislike them. I don't avoid them more than any random person. I don't find them interesting either. That is a little rare. I find many many things interesting. I could talk for hours over a huge range of topics. That their interests and mine don't overlap is really rare.
They disagree with my wife and I politically and religiously. I am a little baffled by my wife's acceptance of the religious part. But we are her daughter's Godparents somehow this is ok with my wife.
Our daughter's Godparents are who I want to have guardianship of our daughter.
I am clueless as to what to do.
Wife works as a manager of in a health care setting. She works from home 2 days a week. I don't work. I watch Baby most of the time.
BTW. I am dxed HFA. Wife is NT. Daughter is too young to be sure and I don't care either way but she shows no sign of autism. She made eye contact with me when she was only minutes old.
Please help.

It sounds like you are panicking about this, which may be unnecessary. All you can do is explain to your wife that you are concerned by the choice of Guardian (maybe don't say 'your choice' but 'our previous choice') and suggest that you take a bit of time to think about it before you visit the lawyer.

Explain that if, God forbid, the worst happened that you would want your daughter brought up within your faith and in a way that is as similar to how you would have brought her up.That seems quite reasonable to me, but it may be that your wife puts less emphasis on that than you do. When I was a child the nominated Guardians for my sister and I were my Mother's sister and her husband - politically and religiously they are very different to my parents, but despite that my parent's believed they had chosen the best people. Your wife may have other good reasons as to why she originally chose her friend, but you won't know what those reasons are until you ask her.

Remember, you can always change your Will in the future. I hope that you can resolve this, and that your daughter is never in need of a Guardian.

I think you are worrying more than you need to at this stage.

You have an appointment with the lawyer, nothing has been set in stone as yet.

All you need to do is say to your wife 'Can we talk some more about the guardianship of our daughter? I'm not sure I am happy with X because.... What do you think about Y?'

Make sure you listen to her response. She may have a reason you don't know about.

This should be a joint decision and it's reasonable to want to talk about it some more.

I greatly appreciate your responses. My wife told me that she was reading a novel and some Godparents got custody of a child. I very much understand her reasons. She does not understand mine. I guess in a way it may be that she is an only child and I have a sister. My wife's best argument against my sister is her son who has gotting into a lot of trouble. But my sister drank back then and didn't know she was pregnant for almost 4 months. She has not had a drink for 18 years. She also was a single parent paying the bills and parenting alone. That would not be the case if something happened to my wife and I. The insurance is very generous. My wife works for a nonprofit so the pay isn't competitive bit benefits are great.

I think we all have values and beliefs that we want passed on to our children. We also all have a way that we--personally--view as "the right way" to raise OUR children. I think in choosing a guardian, you need to think along those lines. Who would expose your child to the things that you would want them exposed to, who would shape them the way you want them to be shaped. While religious and political views are sometimes good indicators of this, they aren't always. And sometimes people who might not share interests with you might still instill the same core values and beliefs in your child that you would want.

I would say be open minded about your wife's feelings and your own. It seems that some think that you may be thinking too much into this at this point, but I'd have to respectfully disagree. For me, there is nothing more important than my children's futures. And there is no guarantee that you will be here tomorrow. I see this as something that is deserving of your time and consideration. Perhaps your wife's friend would be willing to continue raising your child according to your beliefs. I know my best friend would do that for me.

Good luck to you.

[Moved from General Autism Discussion to Parents' Discussion]

I understand completely!! ! My Mom, before she passed, said she wanted me to care for my brother no matter what. I knew his father was incapable of caring for another person as he was/is barely capable of caring for himself (dx AS, not saying everyone with AS is, but in this case). There was nothing legally set up for me to do this and I was completely clueless as to what to do. It was scary for me and my brother both.

Now that my husband and I are guardians of my brother, we're unsure for how long it may take him to become independent, and if something happens to us, what will he do? We've had discussions about some of our friends possibly taking him. We discussed the similarities in parenting and beliefs (religiously and otherwise) with each choice. Practically made lists as to who would have the closest values as ours. It can be difficult to discuss these things as a couple, and may feel like it starts a little ripple between you momentarily, but it works out. So, all that having been typed, perhaps start a literal list, something visual you both can view to see the other person's perspective. Maybe use "like us" and "different" columns to show how other people would parent your child.

Hope that was helpful. Good luck!