Public School Paranoia (I hope I'm doing this right)...

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I'm 37, aspie, In the U.S.A (Northeast) mom to a six year old with "classic" autism/speech and language delay (more expressive than receptive these days).

I am recently having a terrible time keeping him in school. From what I can tell the school is fine- but he is getting reports of aggression/hitting and noncompliance. That is not him at home at all- he's easy going and we communicate well together. We have our bumps of course, but not an every day thing. I also had a "run in" with his bus driver. I have Lupus and need for him to be picked up/dropped off in front of our home. The driver just decided she didn't want to do that and tried to tell me how it was going to be. I told her I had already spoken with the transportation supervisor and school principal and she should have been informed. We went back and forth a little until I told her that she shouldn't be sitting there arguing with me while she has kids on the bus. I haven't had any more problems with her- but I have this lingering fear that she might be mean to my son or encourage the kids to be mean (which I have had happen before with a driver). Ordinarily I would just ask for him to be placed on the special needs bus- but it's a summer program in a small town and she's the only driver- also she is going to BE the special needs driver in the fall and we have no car.

I have been thinking about keeping him home with me- but I am worried that it's my inability to read people (I would have very little to stand on were I being lied to about things like discipline at school) and general anxiety about social situations dictating my actions and not any real belief that he would be better served at home.

I think at school they make him not repeat himself or use rote conversation as much- I am not really bothered by the repetition/rote/echolalia so long as communication is achieved. I know he needs to learn to communicate with others though.

I'm sorry for rambling. I'm just so stressed out worrying about keeping him in a public school setting when my instincts are telling me to keep him home. Then I wonder if I am equipped to handle educating and socializing him- which just causes a crappy downward spiral.

So I guess what I need to know is if it seems (with limited information) that I'm being paranoid? Also have any other parents (on or off the spectrum) successfully home schooled your kids? If so, how?

Last edited by verdigris on 15 Jul 2012, 10:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What country do you live in? I can't tell you much about other countries but in most places in the US (if that is where you are) there are advocates for families with special needs kids that are often available free of charge. These folks are usually very well versed in the ways of the public school system and can help you with your interactions with the school personnel.

Thanks for that- I edited it to add that I'm in the U.S.A.

Ok, so a few more questions. Does your son have an IEP? If he is hitting and having "non-compliance issues" (man do I HATE that term) then the school isn't doing fine. Behavior IS communication with all kids but with autistic kids sometimes it is the most often used means of communication. In other words, if he is acting out then someone somewhere isn't understanding what his needs are and /or his needs are not being met. If his behavior has changed significantly, then I would bet that there has been some change at school that is upsetting for him.

There are organizations in pretty much every state to support families with special needs kids. In some areas they are called Regional Centers but in other states they go by different names. Easter Seals is also a good place to start if you have a local chapter of that organization. You can also look on the web for your state's Dept of Education. With the various options that are available, you should be able to find someone who can help you deal with the school. Advocating for your child with the public school system can be a tremendous challenge but you don't have to do it alone!

He does have an IEP- he gets speech and OT at school. Right now he is on "extended school year" for the next 5 weeks from 8AM-12PM and that's probably part of his issue. It's a totally different routine with totally different activities and a totally different bus driver.

I brought up the subject of consulting with an ABA professional but they said the person they normally go through was on maternity leave and they didn't know when she'd be back. It seemed like they were just putting me off- but I was one person across the table from six. Honestly I don't feel like they know how to handle an "ignore and redirect" approach to behavior issues and I don't know how to get them to see (without being my usual blunt self) that they need some outside help.

I hate the non-compliance thing too. I feel like if he he is refusing to do something to the point of hitting, then there is a problem somewhere in the communication chain. Forcing compliance isn't going to help.

I really wish I felt more confident that I could get him what he needs at home. :-/

I know you mentioned that you are in a small town but you might look around and see if there is a local homeschool group. You could talk to folks who are doing it and get a better idea if it something you could do yourself. Homeschool groups often get together for activities and outings.

This sounds similar to my son (he is four.) He is also in the summer session and we had to complain about the bus driver.

As for the agression, we don't see this at home but the only other kid around is his 2-year-old brother. I've seen him push other kids on the playground, though, and the school has reported him doing it there. It could be that this is the only way he has figured out to communicate with kids his own age. I've seen him try to push other kids when they are using playground equipment he wants to use, for example.

Does he get ABA therapy as part of his IEP? We have that but his therapist (who we loved) did not get her contract renewed and she has not been replaced yet...

Find an advocate and call an IEP meeting, go over your concerns with the school. One of the advantages of the public education system in the US is that they cannot refuse to meet your child's needs, they can only argue that the needs don't exist.

You may be able to ask for an aide, specifically on the bus or for the bus driver (or to get a different bus driver.) You should definitely ask them to do a functional behavioral analysis of the situations where your son has been hitting at school, and figure out exactly what is causing his behavior.

Most states and municipalities have their own autism society, and they may be able to direct you to someone who can act as an advocate at the school. You will be amazed at the difference in how you are treated when you bring a professional with you.

I think all your concerns are completely valid. Have you checked for private schools in your area specifically for children with special needs, or even charter schools?

I am not a fan of public schools, despite their availability to offer specific therapies and "special education" classes.

Bus drivers don't get to decide where they're going to drop off or pick up a child. There is a transportation director or bus supervisor (or whatever your school calls the position) who makes those decisions in conjunction with the administration and school board.
So, basically that bus driver was way out of line. You probably already knew that, but sometimes it's nice to hear "you're right" from an objective source.

We have been asking about it, point blank, since he's been in school. We just recently moved districts and were hoping it'd be easier to get where we are but no luck. They're still skirting around and making excuses.

I guess it's time for me to decide whether I want to go with an advocate and get the school situation fixed, or seek out other special needs parents in the area and try out home school.

You're right- I did, and you're right- it IS nice to hear since I hear the opposite so often!

The decision to homeschool is a personal one, and certainly is the right choice in many cases - but whether you choose to do that or not, it's important that the public school system be held accountable.

I was amazed by the shock expressed by our school when we first brought an advocate. Apparently most parents either just roll over and let the school do what they want, or leave and homeschool or go to private schools. I don't begrudge anyone choosing to opt-out of a public school - but we PAY for the services our kids are supposed to be getting, and public schools need to be held accountable.

At the very least, if you do plan to homeschool, send a letter to your school board and superintendent, detailing the problems you've had at the school and your reasons for removing your child. Copy your state superintendent and state school board, and your representatives in local government. Make sure someone in charge knows - in writing - that kids with developmental delays are not getting the free and public education to which they are entitled by law.

^^^This! I wanted to reiterate to you that there is a very good chance that you can find a good advocate free of charge. I spoke with one here and although I did not end up bringing her to the IEP meeting, I brought our OT instead, it sure helped just to talk with her. She answered some of the questions I had like why doesn't the school call me to come get him when DS is having a meltdown? The answer - because if he is excluded from school for more than 10 days in a school year, then they are required by law to come up with an action plan for how to keep him in school and that is a big pain in the butt for them. Instead they have physically restrained him on at least 2 occasions (that I know of) and he has come home a complete mess.