Resources for adult aspies

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I'm new here. My 23-year-old son's recent Aspergers diagnosis finally explains the struggles and frustrations he has experienced nearly all of his life. What I need more than anything is a recommendation of some useful books and/or DVD resources to help him. We have him in counseling, but in our neck of the woods, it's just about impossible to find anyone who treats adults with this condition, so I doubt he's getting the help he needs there. I've ordered a couple of books that looked promising, but, really, even though they have been touted as valuable resources for developing adult social skills, they don't do much more than to suggest showing someone an emoticon and asking "Is this a happy or a sad face?" How can my son NOT be insulted by this at his age???? And I surely don't need to waste money on yet another book that does little more than describe the disorder. (I get it, he's got it, now can I PLEASE move on and get some practical suggestions to help him make some friends and avoid the meltdowns??????) If any of you have found sources that you would recommend, especially those specifically geared toward adult aspies, can you point me in the right direction? You would have my most sincere gratitude if you can do so!

These two would be excellent for your son to read. It's written by a man with AS who has had several successful careers, even starting his own business:
Be Different: My Adventures with Asperger's and My Advice for Fellow Aspergians, Misfits, Families, and Teachers by John Elder Robison (Mar 20, 2012)

Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's by John Elder Robison (Sep 9, 2008)


This one is for parents of teenagers, but I think you'd find a lot that would still apply at age 23:
Quirky, Yes---Hopeless, No: Practical Tips to Help Your Child with Asperger's Syndrome Be More Socially Accepted by Cynthia La Brie Norall and Beth Wagner Brust (Aug 4, 2009)

I would do a book search about interpreting nonverbal communication to get the more subtle information. Also, there are some books out there for immigrants and visitors to the US to help understand colloquialisms, and nonverbal communication. I will try to do a search later, or maybe someone else has some ideas.

I have no advice, as I have the same question, but wanted to say hello. I also have a 23 year old son who is struggling, and I'm seeking ways to help him help himself.

I keep seeing "i want to help him" and I keep getting worried about over-helpful, or rather over-pressuring parents. Too much direct help can be suffocating and counterproductive.

I only have general advice: If you want to help, the best way is to provide materials (be it books, movies, or websites, printouts or whatever) where he can research on his own, while you make yourself available to help in any fashion he thinks might aid him (let him structure the excercise or question). Self awareness and self discovery is a big part of it / pestering about friends and activities can be counterproductive.

On the other hand, for practical advice, I have only recently realized myself that I should have been diagnosed as a child; All of my life I have had (at any one time) one good friend, and that was plenty enough to fill my needs (remember though that every Aspie is different!). What I have only recently realized, is that every single one of those friends were people that either my parents or my teachers 'paired' me with / they introduced us and left us to spend lotss of time together (group project/ 'go play we are talking about boring adult stuff').

What I'm trying to say is that there is a subtle difference between 'pushing' someone to learn a social skill or ability, and 'placing'' someone into a socially beneficial situation.

you can lead a horse to a river, but you can't make it drink.

you can set out a bucket of sugarwater, a few apples, and a carrot or two, and he'll get around to eating something.

What about local GRASP support groups? Do you think he woudl be open to online support groups, which could lead to real life friendships? What about reacing out for support for yourself as well...maybe a parent group? If you look up Autism SOciety of America, you can find local chapters. Maybe in finding support foryourself you will learn about what local resources are avail for you and your son.

good luck!

I so appreciate all of your suggestions. I can identify strongly with Odd's advice that directing my son toward resources, rather than attempting to discuss them with him ourselves, is likely the only route open to us. Our son is desperate for help in navigating social situations, yet, though he loves and trusts us in most matters, he turns a deaf (and sometimes resentful) ear to any attempts on our part to discuss possible strategies for helping him thrive socially. I don't need to tell any of you how heartbreaking it is to watch your child drowning and yet refusing any lifeline you try to offer him.