Daughter starting kinder next week......bad start already...

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OH I am a mess this morning. Please bear with me

We moved to a new area. We went to kinder orientation - we thought it was regular orientation but we show up and it was a "bus" orientation(no one informed us of this, so we showed up "bus orientation"???? daughter isn't taking the bus), We moved this summer and have been scrambling to get everything set up for our daughter, had her meetings etc. etc. thought everything was sorted out. I had to contact the spec ed teacher to find out who her kinder teacher was, I assumed I would get something directly from the school or the spec ed teacher - spec ed teacher sent me a packet for her only. Since there was kinder orientation(so we thought), after the spec ed class orientation we figured that would be our opportunity to meet with the teacher briefly.

We asked as part of the IEP meeting to meet with the kinder teacher, when we went to the orientation we thought it was going to be that along with our daughter meeting her peers. This happened on THursday, we had a "real" orientation with the spec ed teacher/class earlier that morning. We ASSUMED WRONG. So mad I didn't question the spec ed teacher that stated she was the "liason" with the kinder class/teacher - she seriously dropped the ball......... She is going out on maternity leave in Dec we found out and we think she has "checked out" already. Not happy with her right now at all(she now has one strike).

I am frustrated because we stayed for the bus orientation anticipating to meet with the teacher in the classroom/tour of the classroom (other parents were wondering about if/when we'd see the classroom so I wasn't alone in my frustration).... even though she isn't taking the bus, figured it'd be a good experience to check out her peers, as well as practice for field trips/bus experience. The teacher was at the presentation, we met and it was rushed to get things started...... I am thinking ok first this bus orientation then a tour/meet and greet with the teacher/class...... NOPE.


So the bus drives show a movie and ask the kids to sit on the floor

My daughter didn't want to unless her daddy went with her - ok no problem. She didn't want me with her, so I hung back and watched.....

The bus driver quizzes the kids and she had them scream the answer..... my daughter started crying and I had to go pick her up and remove her as her dad was puzzled on what to do(he tried but I am the pro)

We took a little walk(I took her to her kinder classroom to show her on my own - teacher was not there) came back, then the bus ride, my daughter did it with her dad(other kids had their folks too)..... I am now completely validated on not doing the bus ride Yikes. So glad we went through that because my daughter refused to try unless one of us was with her. I asked her if she wants to ride the bus, when I said she'd have to do it by herself "NO thanks mom"

Anyways, the other children were lined up to go outside and the rejection was already happening because my daughter cried in front of all of them. They didn't want anything to do with her(granted they are all nervous but the girls were huddled together and my daughter was at the end of the line behind the boys..... )
We are so pissed because my daughter started saying "MOm, I don't like these kids, they are mean and loud"...... Lovely..... she recovered but this was not how we wanted/expected the school year to start.

After the bus ride, the principal directed us all to the kinder classroom.......We got to take her into the classroom and she sat down at her seat, it was total chaos with all the parents looking around and the kids all scared sitting at their table - the principal took us all over there - I was waiting for the teacher to come in and do something - she never came in. I found her later on as we were leaving requesting a supply list - didn't occur to me to meet with her privately - our daughter was DONE and wanted to leave...... I got several emails with the teacher that afternoon with her apologies and she made the efforts re: communication the first week, etc. etc. No opportunity now to set up private meeting with it being the end of the week. GREAT.

And of course, her autistic support is all boys with the exception of a girl that will be going in and out of the room(she's older).

I am furious already that 1. the spec ed teacher did not communicate re: the orientation 2. I had to run after the kinder teacher asking if there is a school supply list 3. no private meeting was set up (we were really overwhelmed and confused with the whole thing, and kinda ) We survived the experience but between trying to comfort our daughter, redirect her and dealing with the new environment/experience I couldn't think fast enough to go "HEY! what happened to the meeting we were supposed to HAVE???"

I am not pleased and hoping things go better, right now my stomach is in knots and I want to call out the spec ed teacher re: no kinder meeting.... I don't know what to do cause now its too late before the first day of school. I am going to contact the teacher re: private meeting once school starts to get more info.

The mindset at this school I can tell is "let us do our jobs" type of thing.... oh boy. They are providing regular communication with daily sheets and emails, phone calls etc. etc. At least that is what is promised..... I am nervous as hell for my daughter now.....

We are trying to talk to her re: expectations (she thinks she is supposed to get a friend right away, kids aren't supposed to scream, etc. etc.) We are frontloading her as much as possible anyways but now have more added to it after her scream experience....

I am exhausted already. Thanks for listening.

Oh, goodness. That would be a stressful situation for anyone.

I have sent 2 kids to kindergarten and what I can say from my experience is that I wouldn't worry too much that she cried in front of the other kids. There were typical kids in both of my kids' kindergartens who cried more than they did, and in general, the other kids don't seem to pick up on that so much until 1st grade.

I am surprised the spec ed teacher did such a crappy job--oh, wait...maybe I'm not--I mean, I can understand a mainstream teacher not really understanding the importance of a "proper introduction" to kindergarten, but a spec ed teacher? I think what happens sometimes is that people have a tendency to think "Starting kindergarten is stressful for all kids." Yeah. It is. Just don't forget that the stress is magnified for my kid and that she isn't going to be able to overcome the stress as soon as the other kids.

Sorry you had such a rough start.

Kindergarteners are pretty forgiving socially. DS had daily (hourly?) screaming meltdowns for the first few months, and despite it all the kids were still friendly toward him at the end of the year. I think the teacher acted like it wasn't a big deal and encouraged friendship wherever she could.

Sorry to hear things are off to such a bumpy start.

Thank you for giving me your input re: the kids being forgiving. She's my only and we are nervous as hell for her re: the other kids...


I am steamed re: the spec ed teacher not setting the meeting up, my husband tells me to let it go and have a wait and see if she screws up again etc etc...... We both get a vibe that she has that "Im the educator" type of personality and doesn't value input - more of a on the defense type. I have had really bad experiences where we used to live re: no communication and I have told the team how grateful we are, but I think we have come of as "complainer types" when all we were sharing were our previous hardships and battles for our daughter (IEP's poorly written, etc. etc. - I don't think they can wrap their heads around hearing our stories....I have had my daughter go to preschool and not have anything with her name on them because she was in "special ed" and she wasn't included with her peers and she wasn't on the "regular roster"....... ). This special ed teacher has already rubbed me the wrong way.... frankly I am hoping her replacement in the fall is much better, I think this gal wants to head off into the sunset and be a stay at home mom..... buh bye if that's the case.

Anyways, I am just holding my breath a bit and to see how it goes.... I dont' want my very intuitive daughter get my vibes about how I feel because she isn't thrilled with the autistic support class as it is....... we have an IEP for the fall after my daughter is here for awhile to make changes, etc. etc...... maybe I will bring it up then in front of her supervisor nonchalantly.....

I could have written this about our first week! There has been no communication,no replies to my emails, no class schedule nothing.I have to rely on my son to give me one word answers here and there? The school has a " let us do our job attitude" yet advertises how much they value parents as partners in the educational process.Friday afternoon as soon as he got in my car and pucked him up he started sobbing so hard I had never seen him so upset.He said I didn't get candy.Two gours later through the screaming and sobbing he muttered I got in trouble.I was so confused and could not get any more infoonfo out of him.I also don't know who his support person is or when or if it has started.He only gets 1/2 hr a day.He's packed in with 25 other kids.It has not been my positive vision of a first week.He's worked so hard to get hete and its been a big let down.

That "Let us do our job" attitude needs to be kicked to the curb! My son's 1st grade teacher is being this way but I am pretty much ignoring it. When she can prove to me that she has a handle on the situation then I will stop coming into her classroom every day but not until then. She hasn't had his visual schedule ready not even once through the first week and already she is saying she doesn't have time to do it and wants to change it. Thankfully for us, the spec ed teacher has a better grasp on the fact that this is a team effort and I am part of the team. I know the classroom teacher resents me already but she is going to have to learn to live with other people having input on what she does in her classroom. I sat back and waited for the school to do its job last year and in my opinion they failed so I have told myself that I am not giving up this year until I see success.

Sorry - I had to get that out, I also have had knots in my stomach for the last couple of weeks but now I feel like I have my feet under me. I was questioning myself earlier in the week when the classroom teacher was kinda pushing me out the door in the morning but after a good cry, lots of deep breathing and some kind words from a friend, I feel confident in my position.

I also wanted to chime in about other kids being quite forgiving of each other's behaviors at this early age. Although DS is odd with the other kids in his class, most of them still like him, they seem to make a point of saying and hi and bye to him even though he doesn't often return the sentiment.

The first week can be really hard, especially when people are not on the same page. Our first week this year went really well, but last year it was really, really bad. It depends so much on the classroom teacher and how knowledgeable and flexible she is.

The main thing is that you monitor how your child is feeling, and you intervene when/if you see signs of stress. Even if the special ed teacher's head is not where it ought to be, if the actual kinder teacher is a good fit, it may not matter.

I would suggest preparing a "Dear Teacher" letter, and hold on to it until after the first major meltdown. People seem to be more receptive after they've experienced first hand how bad it can get. (If your child doesn't melt down at school, I guess just pick an arbitrary time like two weeks or one month.)

The letter should be no more than one page. Have a bullet list of the major challenges, then describe warning signs, typical triggers, and tips on how to handle your kid. I'll start another thread to post examples of what I wrote.

I like waiting until after a problem arises and now I wish I wouldn't have already emailed mine!

I'm so sorry for what has happened. I'd be contacting the special ed director in that county- call them yourself, what I did for my daughter and have them arrange a meeting somehow with the main teacher or special ed teacher. I'm not sure how it works, but my daughter had a meeting setup by the special ed person in that county- find out the name and number and call. Some teachers aren't informed about it all and some teachers do not understand autism. Good luck.

Update/First day of school came:

Despite us not having that meeting, I got to school early and spoke with the special ed teacher, voiced concerns, etc. etc.(my "I am nice but I am vocal" type of mom) - she called us at the end of the day with an update of our daughter's day. She also came out herself to get our daughter this morning at dropoff:) Very very different than my first impression..... (blame it on pregnancy brain? morning sickness? I dunno.... but I am keepin an eye on her.....) she was very different yesterday in a great way. Keep it up teacher.....

I told the spec ed teacher re: the bus orientation mishap - she prepared my daughter for a morning assembly/pep rally (900 kids!! !!) that was going to happen - my daughter handled it no problem!! I was informed it was really loud and a little crazy(I am so proud of my daughter) I think the element of surprise/being startled got to her(plus nervousness). I was pleased that they were included in the experience as well despite the possible sensory issues and they see how it goes and modify things as needed.

I also came in before before kinder(brought in supplies), emailed the kinder teacher the night before - she emailed me in the morning that she'd be expecting me. She was really helpful giving me updates also on how the assembly went when I mentioned the bus orientation mishap(she observed her at the assembly as well - also had the other children in Am kinder sit with her so she was surrounded by peers - that was nice to hear that effort was made), very receptive. Good communication and did not act like I was interrupting her(on her break before her PM class - not the gruff what are you doing here I was expecting;)

Very glad we moved.... my husband was laughing at me last night with all the notes I took and correspondence I have gotten(printed out all the emails and saving them in a binder)..... he was like wow you got what 2 emails the entire year last year?????

All in all my daughter had a great day - in fact the special ed teacher told me my daughter was a dream:) Of course

I also got to witness the spec ed teacher handling a runner(I was walking up the hallway and was behind her - no other parents around so she was truly doing her thing - I was quite impressed on how she handled the student)

Also I noted I didn't see ANY parents at all inside the school - I think on the sign in sheet in the afternoon for visitors I was the 5th one..... I think its a very conservative mindset here and they "trust the system"...... the district has a great reputation and for the special needs, and generally overall. Crossing my fingers at our fall IEP that it continues to do well.

The bus driver stopped at our house yesterday afternoon because there was some miscommunication re: the bus service(our late registration/form we didn't put it in writing re: bus service refusal.....had to go to the front office yesterday to clarify it but he came by anyways), it was nice that the driver was filling us in the bus service and gave us his personal phone number.... my daughter liked seeing the bus and the driver asked to meet our dog and she jumped on the bus!! ! ....... I told her the dog can't go with her if she rides the bus....... gonna wait and see on all that for a bit..... but it was very reassuring - I have to ask the district if there is a supervisor/aide on the bus though - if there isn't its a no go.

My daughter likes school, crossing fingers day 2 she gets more comfortable...... breaks my heart when she tells me that no one talked to her though - her best friend in preschool was non verbal and they were attached at the hip. We talked about making friends and that everyone is new in school too...... and it takes time but she can start by saying "hi":) Time will tell.....

Thats a good idea, however we had a fact sheet that the spec ed teacher gave us prior to the school year and handed that in to her and also I made a copy for the kinder teacher - gave the spec ed teacher her copy last week, meant to give it to kinder but with the bus mishap I totally forgot!! !! ! They each have a communication folder and I will be getting a phone call from the kinder this week(end of week) and the spec ed teacher daily correspondence - I didn't expect the phone call yesterday already or I would have had a questionnaire ready... off to get that done now for later on:)

The spec ed teacher floats in and out of the kinder class and observe my daughter as well, they communicate daily with the kinder teacher. Its a pretty nice set up, again time will tell:)

I am happy that your little girl had a good first day, in spite of the confusion before. My little guy (3 yo) started preschool today and I have my fingers crossed today will be a good day for him.

When I played sports, I used to feel that if I had a bad warm up, I had a good game.