For Ilovemyaspiegirl, I'm so sorry for your tragic loss. I hope you can eventually find some peace with the fact that you could not have prevented your husband's suicide and that you loved him the best you could with the information you both had at the time. Please don't assume that Asperger's is the root cause in the situation. It sounds like he probably had a mental health condition that he struggled with as well. Aspies are at higher risk for anxiety and depression, which if untreated can lead to a lot of emotional pain, physical symptoms, suicidal ideations, etc. I worry about this, since my son is Aspie with ADHD, I have had depression and anxiety over the years (treated with both talk therapy and meds), and my husband has had depression...let's just say the genetic/medical tendencies are all lined up against him so I'm watching his mood carefully.
You asked for advice for your daughter and I would strongly recommend that you find a child psychologist and/or child psychiatrist with experience in treating children on the autism spectrum. If you are near a medical school that has affiliated hospitals and clinics, you should be able to find someone in that environment who accepts Medicaid. There may be a lengthy waiting list, in which case I suggest setting an appointment for the earliest available date, but be prepared to take her to the ER (preferably a children's hospital if you have one close to you--or at least the most reputable hospital for pediatric care) if she threatens suicide. It would surely be a "day from hell" spent in the ER, but it would get her seen by a professional in a crisis situation.
Our Aspie son had challenging behavior at school too and was eventually diagnosed as having ADHD. We took him to a child psychologist who saw what was going on in the classroom and recommended a child psychiatrist. We struggled with the decision to medicate, but it was definitely the best for him. He doesn't have unusual mood swings, but we have been advised to keep an eye out for that possibility. As educational demands increase with age, the pressure on children who have to work harder to get through the typical school day can become overwhelming. I like to imagine myself at my son's age and then think how would I have felt if 1) I had to concentrate extra hard to decipher the unspoken social rules in every interaction with teachers and classmates and 2) I had to struggle to keep my body from climbing out of my skin in order to sit still while also paying attention to what the teacher is saying and ignoring the sensory input of 20+ kids in the classroom, the fluorescent lights, and my random thoughts about that music video I would rather be watching at the moment. From the time he was 3 years old, I recognized that he needed "down time" just as much as we assume adults do. On the drive home from daycare I'd bombard him with questions and get a lot of silence or, at most, "I don't know" from him. Finally, I told him if he didn't feel like talking at that moment he just needed to say "I don't want to talk about it." He was just socially exhausted from a long day at daycare!
I also just found a great guide to Asperger's for dealing with the school and your daughter's teachers that you might appreciate. It is available for free download on the Organization for Autism Research's website. Search for "Life Journey Through Autism: An Educator's Guide to Asperger's Syndrome." In addition, you can find very helpful info from both Tony Attwood and Stephen Shore. My all-time favorite Aspie, because of his sense of humor and that his book "Look Me in the Eye" helped me understand that eye contact just isn't the be-all-end-all, is John Elder Robison. All of these can easily be found online.
Best of luck to you and your family.
21 Sep 2012, 11:09 am
