Does He Hate Me [Dad and Kid thing]

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He seems to try to understand some things you do better so I wouldnt say so.

I understand you dont want his help but if he hated you he´d force you to do things as he said/move out

I don't think he hates you. I would find it difficult to believe that any parent can hate their own child.

That said, I thought my dad (now deceased) hated me. At one stage we never spoke for about 5 years. He would comment on my clothes in front of guests and generally embarrass me. I certainly hated him.

Turns out he was lashing out in frustration because I didn't turn out the way he'd planned. I think he felt he'd failed as a parent because I wasn't what he envisioned his son to be. He was a great athlete. I throw a ball like a girl (according to him anyway). I enjoy gardening and have a small collection of bonsai. He would say things like "If you spent as much time playing sport as you do on your stupid flowers you'd be great." They're not flowers - they're trees btw.

It only became apparent 10 years after I'd moved out of home that he felt inadequate and cheated. He had no clue how to deal with me. Some people fight dirty when they feel they're losing the battle.

Me to Dad: You can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
Dad to Me: If you take him deep enough you can make him do anything.

And that sums it up. He would just not accept who I was. It took 10 years but he finally came around. Hang in there.

Based on this post and others you have made, I think your father is very very rigid. He has a particular way of looking at things and not a lot of tact or theory of mind. It doesn't make it hate, but it is a bear to put up with. I know you have done a lot to help your siblings and household, and he should be more grateful, but you can't change how he acts or thinks.

I am glad you are getting out. Sometimes when you leave, and the parent is forced to deal with you on an equal basis things can change for the better.

I don't think he hates you, I think he just finds some things you do foreign and odd. He may be concerned that you will never find a girlfriend, as I'm sure he wants grandkids.

He may also be trying to live vicariously through you, and he may be seeing things in you he saw in himself and wanting to fix them. Maybe your doing something he did that he blames for his failure.

It's just hard. BecuaseI do everything I can to make him proud. I do everything for him love me and I try to take what he wants and do it. I have sacrificed a great deal of personal happiness to do as he says and what he wants.

What exactly has he done that is so horrible? I mean, maybe you have every right to feel the way you do but I'm still uncertain of why you feel it. I can understand the low self-esteem issue, particularly if you've been ridiculed a lot in school. Do you think there's a chance your father's comments are being misinterpreted? It's great you're wanting to move in with your gf. Just be sure you're doing it for the right reasons (you're in love and ready to take that step forward) rather than because you want to get the heck out.

I'm moving in with her because I want a future with her. We want kids in the future and want to marry. I absolutely love her.

IDK, but imo you don't tell your kids[adults children] you look frumpy. You don't say those things. J-bird would bust out crying if I said something like that. Like that's just.

Dad, "You're going in that"

Me, "It's raining and cold"

Dad, "It's just frumpy, but I guess that's what those kind of people like"

Me in my head thanks I'm going to go meetup with some other writers and am being told I look like crap. '-.-

Imo, the conversation should have been

Dad, "Do you want to try that new jacket you bought?"

I feel like that's a less hurtful way of doing something, it's being honest while still being sensitive.

Ok, maybe it wasn't the best thing to say, and you weren't told you look like "crap". That thinking seems to be coming from your end. "Frumpy" also means "dull" and "plain" .. plain: a word you used to describe your own shirt. Frumpy, then, may have been the appropriate term to describe a plain shirt. It's neither negative or complimentary. Brown is brown.

Sometimes, when we feel bad about ourselves (for whatever the reason), we are sensitive to just about anything that comes our way. I also sense that you're a bit resentful about dad's gf (and again, maybe with good reason) so dad's comments will always sound negative to you, even though it may not have been intended.

Try not to internalize "dad" too much. He's probably not the warm and fuzzy type but I've yet to hear anything disrespectful. I really am trying to make you feel better .. no?

I just for functionality. It mght be a plain red shirt, but I like it makes me feel nice. Makes me feel less nice when the shirt I like is called frumpy. lol I'm not very confident in myself, I'll admit that. I don't think I'm very attractiveand don't feel attractive most days. So..it doesn't help that I never even get a"you look good today"

We all feel like that sometimes and we all want people to compliment us more than they do - that's just life. Beneath it though, it sounds more like you're needing dad's aproval and that will come with time. How old are you?

If your shirt makes you feel nice then don't get caught up in other people's opinions. Again, frumpy means plain. You like plain and there's nothing wrong with that. I would just take your dad with a grain of salt when it comes to fashion, period. It's ok to share a differing opinion and it's typically family who will "tell it like it is". Try and accept yourself for all you are and not stress about impressing others.

I love my son very much and my honesty isn't always packaged in bubble wrap, either. Get to the root of the problem with your dad and everything else will settle itself.

I'm in my twenties, somewhere between 21-25 age range.

It's just his honesty is always never packaged in bubble wrap. It's always just blunt after blunt after blunt. I'm like one time dad, one time I'd like sugar coated candy.

Ok - If you feel he may be in the spectrum, try lowering your expectations then. You already know he's not the warm-and-fuzzy type so accept him as he is. Being blunt can also be a positive thing because it's a dependable trait - at least, in a matter of subjectivity. Instead of processing his words as criticism, appreciate them as a perspective. Agree to disagree and stand tall. I bet he doesn't even realize he's offending you as much as he is.

My mother and I are quite different. My aim is not to please her, and I live my life in a way that makes sense to ME. Once I became happy with myself, she became happy for me too. Just a word of advice.

btw, I've been accussed of being overly blunt, as well lol