How to approach teacher about this

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DS7 started at a new school today. It was started by a therapy practice that specializes in Aspergers. There are only 9 kids in the school, with a lead teacher and 4 behavioral aides. We are paying privately because we didn't want to put DS through the series of school failures (and lawsuits) that would be required to get the school system to pay for it. Currently the plan is for him to go there 3 days a week and homeschool the other 2.

Wednesdays are always short days, ending at 1pm. When I picked him up, the teacher said he had a great day, even participated during a group academic lesson. DS was laying on a couch in the lobby, but otherwise seemed happy. On the way to the car he told me the school was a happy place, exceptwhen the aides did something that the aides used to do at his old school -- hold him down on the floor and then carry him to the break room. It sounds like a safety hold, where each person holds a limb until the child is calm. He says it happened when they wanted him to do "exercises" that he didn't want to do.

My issue is that there was no mention of this on the daily report they sent home. How do I bring this up and request that I am always informed of when DS needs time in the break room, and especially whenever a safety hold is used, without being accusatory? I think it's quite likely that DS got overwhelmed or upset, possibly even to the point that safety hold was necessary, but I want to always know about it. It's also possible that DS is exaggerating. At the public school, I have strong suspicions that they didn't always document the incidents like they were supposed to.

I'm both a teacher and a mom to a child with autism...I would just send an email to the teacher asking her to shed some light on that particular incident, and also ask if she could let you know whenever a safety hold has been used. Make it clear that you are not accusing them of impropriety, but would just like to be kept in the loop on these things. You stated it very well in your post, and I don't think you sounded accusatory at all. As a mom, I totally understand why you would want to know, however, as a professional, I think it may have just been something that was overlooked, because when you are working with kids who are apt to require that sort of intervention on a regular basis, it's not something out of the ordinary, but just part of your job. It may have been barely a blip on their radar...a situation where they did the hold, and it helped him calm down in a reasonable amount of time, so it's no big deal from their perspective.

Yup, I'm with the above posters. Make it about a request to be informed, and not about anything else. You can let them know that you want the information so you can be on the same page with them as you discuss things at home.

We do this a lot at DS's current school where he's doing well; while we haven't had a meltdown requiring intervention, DS is frequently freaked-out about grades and assignments. We always follow up on that and in some cases, DS's concerns are completely unfounded - but in others, the teachers weren't communicating as they should.

I guess I'd rather not make this choice, but if it comes down to it, I'd rather they think I'm paranoid than to allow his current successful experience to unravel. I do what I can to not sound paranoid...

You want to know the way that I have been most successful at getting them to tell me? I tell them that I am working with her on her communication skills and that part of what we are working on is her providing a narrative of what happened at school, so I need to know what happened. Also that I am working with her on perspective taking, so I need to know if there were any unusual occurrences so that I can walk her through them. These things are both true, btw. I do want to help her learn how to better narrate and I do work with her on perspective taking. But it seems that when the school knows I will be doing this with her everyday, it helps them remember to give me the "scoop," especially considering she can have some pretty interesting misinterpretations of things

How did this finally hash out? I think this is actually a really important thread - this is a common experience for many parents, and having an account as it happens is very helpful.