My Child With Asperger's & Homeschooling

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Hello, I'm new here. My 9 yo DD has been diagnosed with Asperger's for 5 years now. It's been a long, exhausting road. We enrolled her in a great school that was extremely supportive, but in 3rd grade they go to a new building and stop inclusion classes, much of the support she'd had since pre-k, and pretty much throw ALL the kids to the wolves.

My DD needed support and was/is not going to get it. She has dysgraphia and ADHD as well & was getting sent to the office multiple times for refusing to write or going too slow. I finally picked her up after multiple phone calls & did not return her. I knew that she was getting stigmatized already (for tantruming, which had disappeared) which I felt would lead to bullying & other things.

Homeschooling has been good, but a battle. My daughter is a genius. She knows so much already, but learning has to be unstructured for her to participate & it is a fight every single day. She absolutely hates anything related to learning and will throw fits before, during & after. Nothing works. Her dad and I are divorced and he does not do his part. However, she's never been happier. She LOVES being home. I am very academic, loved school ( except for the years I was bullied ), and went to grad school. I read several books a week. So my experience is very different.

Does anyone have any advice as to getting her excited or just willing to learn? She's a very good girl as long as she's doing something she likes. I have taken away toys, privileges, threatened to put her back in school (the worst thing imaginable to her). It's like there is no answer. She's the most strong-willed individual I've ever met. I'm exhausted. I feel traumatized at times. I'm anxious all the time, because another fight is coming over gosh darn subtraction ( her teachers went through this too with math ). They had these marbles they did but it's just not effective at home.

I'm sure you all can imagine everything we've done and been through. I won't send her back to a place she hates to be stigmatized & bullied. I just can't get her to do much here.

I don't know what to do anymore and after 9 years, I'm tired.

I was home schooled for most of my life, and usually what my mother did (also single) was give me a bunch of assignments which I had to finish by the end of the week. It was very mush open range, do in your own time at your own pace kind of thing. Any interest I had in other stuff was encouraged. There is also learning via doing fun stuff, like computer games.

Can you elaborate on what was fun for you or what motivated you? Any specific computer games?

I can't thank you enough for your reply!! !!:)

I wasn't homeschooled, and I grew up before anyone guessed there were autistic people who could talk, but other than that, your daughter sounds a lot like I was at that age.

I honestly don't know what might work for her, but I will tell you this. Even though I was a "classic aspie" until a bit later than this (I was into facts, very black and white, had to be coaxed to read fiction, etc.), I still hated math. Later, when my nature "expanded" after I began reading fiction (long story, it wasn't a "cure", but it did lead to greatly increased understanding of many things over the long haul and some of my worst autistic traits abated once I understood the world better and had some slight idea how to cope with it on my terms) I came to understand that math and anything of that sort made my mind feel as if it was being forced into a straitjacket.

I am able to do math and so on with more ease than most people, but if I spend even a few hours at it, I'll feel utterly drained and exhausted, my mind desperately seeking some escape. If I can't write every single day, I'm very unhappy. I'm not saying that your daughter will want to write - you don't provide nearly enough detail for me to guess that - but I do wonder if she isn't desperate for something she's not getting.

A few things that do generally help me in tough situations. First, ease up the pressure wherever possible. Don't force her to "try" things she doesn't like to eat (bad idea anyway, at least in my case - now, when I wish I could eat more vegetables, I can't make myself do it, yet experiments have suggested I'm happy enough with many 'new' foods as long as I wasn't forced to eat them when younger) and ease up on anything you can which makes her struggle. From experience, far more than you can guess is being asked of her when it comes to learning some of these things, and she needs all the "rest" she can get. Also, positive sensory input helps. This is very individual. For me, either just the right music, or just the right tastes. (Usually not very healthy, but I've always eaten that way, and I've made it to 53 without any problems.) Walking, running, etc. - especially in the woods or a nice, open, green area might help her, although as I say these things are individual. But exercise can help burn off a great deal of stress.

I'm not sure if everything I'm trying to say is clear, since I'm posting in more than a bit of a rush right now, but if you have any questions, I'll monitor this thread and try to answer them when I have the time.

My 7yo son has Aspergers and has been homeschooled since K, he is now in 2nd grade. He also has ADHD and isnt fond of sitting and doing structured work.

Have you sat with her and asked her what she is willing to do work for? Like a reward? What are her interests? Can you fine tune her work to meet her interests? For my son, when learning grammar, we use his vidoe game characters to write sentences and then use whatever he learned, like punctuation, adjectives, etc...Luckily he enjoys math so that isnt terribe. His issue with math is copying the right numbers and word problems.

Also, what about making her a schedule, and letting her see what he has to accomplish in order to earn whatever her reinforcer is?

My son can do some work, then take a break, then back to work, etc...

Good luck!

We have taken a modified unschool approach. Unschooling or Radical Unschooling means no structured learning at all. Allowing the child's interests to drive what they do, and how they study.

If you google the term, there is quite a bit of information out there supporting that you will still have a functional adult at the end of this process.

That said, I'm not quite willing to give up all control so we; use a charter school program which provides a teacher for one hour per week. She gives some homework but not very much. He spends about an hour per week on Grammar/conventions and probably 1 1/2 hours on math.

She also asks him a question, which he should be able to answer the following week. Here's an example "Research the current most active volcano. Where is it located? What type of volcano is it? What makes it active?".

He has completely rejected; lets read the chapter on volcanoes and answer the questions at the end. He has rejected; write a report on volcanoes. What he does like, is to learn stuff. SO, if you just ask him to learn and talk about it - success.

He loves the computer, YouTube and video games. These things stretch his vocabulary and he is reading. While certainly not the classics, he reads at a 12th grade level, and he is in 7th grade.

I trust that my son is very smart. When he wants to know something, nothing stands in his way. Therefore, I don't have a problem with letting him learn as he likes. If he decides to go to college, he will decide to study. At the rate we were going fighting about it, there wasn't a prayer he would ever choose learning, because it was about power rather than learning. We removed all of that.

If I had my druthers, we would go on more outings. I work full time, so that's really not happening as much as I wish it would.

We do the limited school because, a tiny bit of structure is helpful and we like some of the things that the charter offers. So, its worth meeting their requirements.

We homeschool. Unschooling might be the best choice for my son, but I know nothing about education. I need the structure of doing curriculum or a program of some sort. So we try to do a mix of what is good for each of us. (I'm currently thinking of putting my son in a private school next year so that he'd deal with other kids more. He wants it.)

Anyway, I have a few ideas for you to try. I really think she needs a kind of "reboot". She was traumatized at school and she needs to unlearn that learning is painful and traumatic. I would give her a semi-vacation. Let her do what she is interested in. Take her to the library and as many field trips as you can handle. Give her a journal and have her write or copy just one sentence per day on anything. Add any unstructured learning you can. Cook, and do math as much as you can. Gradually, gently, show her that she is learning. I would do RightStart Math or at least buy the games. Just do easy games and move into subtraction games gruadually. Then I would very gradually add her other subjects.

My two cents.

We have tried structure and that is what she fights against. We are doing inschooling, but I was worried that bc she hates math and has a hard time with it, that I should at least try to implement some direct learning in thst regard. That's where the breakdown occurs. Formal learning. So I tried doing if you have 103 Pokemon and 67 got left at home, how many would you have? Nope. The math just sends her reeling.

She used to be into chapter books but is bored with them now. She has always gotten bored easily, except for with YouTube, ds, & ipad. If they even touch on learning she freaks. I've tried apps, videos, etc. nothing works.

She loves new experiences and exploring new places, but with my job i can't do it every day not create that expectation. I have a 3 yo that needs attention, too, and they don't get along. Needless to say, im outta answers!

Im tired and i don't want to drive 40 minutes to the arcade, or an hour to the discovery museum. I just don't know. I've done all these things, over & over, but our town just doesn't offer too many exciting things. Im starting to feel hopeless!

Sorry, I meant unschooling! And she has been able to read since the age of 2. She struggles a little socially. She exceeded her peers every year of school academically. Her memory is astounding. If she wants to know something she will seek it out and remember it . It's just that her interests are limited...

I finally stopped presenting with a book. Im wondering if perhaps Im putting too much on what public schools are teaching vs. making my child happy and following her interests and likes . I do have my own beliefs about public schools. They are necessary for the economy, but what is learned in 2 hours takes my DD about 5 minutes. I believe its more of a machine designed for "normal " kids. I, however, loved school . But I see why my DD could have been traumatized by her experience with it.

School certainly did that to me. I was able to read books from the "grown-up" shelves in the library by the time I went into first grade, and a fourth grade teacher tested me with a college textbook, one she considered challenging, and discovered I could read and comprehend it. So I was always bored, and the result was total and utter resistance to learning, unless it was something I wanted to know.

I'm afraid I don't have any answers for you.

We have been homeschooling since pre-school, with the exception of kindergarten. This is what we do:

I have systematic workbooks for math and spelling

For History we watch History Channel (Some things we choose and some things he chooses)

Homeschool group has a science co-op. They also have speakers and demonstrations, history fair, science fair, pet day, etc.

He is in 4-H and scouts. If you aren't in 4-H I suggest you look into it. There are literally hundreds of things she can study. If she works through the projects it turns into a kind of unit study. Some things my son has taken include small engines, rocketry, nature study, cooking, visual arts, international study, embryology, poultry.....seriously, she can choose to study whatever she likes. They give you a workbook for each project, and they are great teaching tools. There are also lots of group activities--for example, his group has done shooting sports and hatched eggs. Every year his club chooses one country to study in depth and presents it in a competition called International Fair. I can't say enough good things about the educational opportunities here. If you want to know more, please PM me.

My son wants me to tell you that Scouts is a lot of fun. He recommends it. There are merit badges on lots of different subjects. I don't know much about girl scouts, because it's been a while since I was in it, but I do know, as with boy scouts, you have to be picky about the group you join.

With both 4-H and Scouts, you can ask at the home office if they know of any homeschooling groups.

We do a lot of field trips and out-of-home learning. I live relatively close to Chicago, and there is a law here that every museum has to have 52 free days a year. Some museums, like the Museum of Science and Industry, are free for homeschoolers. We go on nature hikes, forest preserve events, park district events, living history, tractor pulls, old-time farm shows, etc.

Stop worrying about it - your DD will get what she needs if shes not busy rebelling. After close to two years at home, my DS is finally agreeing to take drama classes with his HS charter. I would look into some group thing - I would like 4H, my DS will have no joining at the moment.

the question of, if no school then what, is very hard. I have to admit to allowing waaaaay too much youtube. But I tell you, he was so traumatized by school, that this is way less harmful than school.

In terms of motivation, I really do not remember. I really liked reading and making up my own stories. Often the stuff I did was just me mimicking what was already out there. For example, I would make up a fictional world, try to make a language for it, figure out the biology of the different creatures in it, how the whole economy worked, anthropology, astrology, government, history, what they taught their kids in school, etc. I think one time I even made a set of weather maps. There was also the aspect of reward for working, since my mother paid me a penny for every page of work I did, book I read, etc.
I did a lot of doubling up as well - had dramatized history tapes or books on tapes which I listened to while I worked.
As for computer games, I was fairly fond of the ClueFinders, as well as Magic School bus type stuff - though they are fairly old. Neopets ironically was one I really got into, since it teaches the idea of supply and demand in the business world and other useful financial habits. But it largely depends on your child's interests.

Onalae, I really get where you're coming from. I homeschool my 9yr old DD who has AS and possibly some other issues - we're not entirely sure at this point. Trying to get her to sit down and do a worksheet can be impossible, so we tried unschooling at first. That didn't work well for us because she needs predictability, to know how long this activity will be and what the next one is. So we do a combination of work on basic skills (math, writing, etc) and thematic units. We also school year round, so our units are about 10 weeks on/2 weeks off.

My main suggestion would be to stop fighting. If you have pulled her from public school recently, or she hasn't had a significant break since then, give her (and you) a break. Let her rest and acclimate to the new normal with no academic expectations. I would say 2 weeks minimum, up to several months, for you both to get used to being together all day. Involve her in activities around the house without making it about learning.

When you're ready to get back to active schooling, plan your curriculum together. Or at least ask her opinion. I plan my lessons 10 weeks at a time, and usually have a broad idea of our whole year/grade going in. And I ask what my daughter wants to study. She wanted to learn about plants, I think she is mostly interested in playing in the garden, but I used that interest to plan our science for this year with a botany focus. She has no interest in geography or civics but loves history. So I am teaching American history and incorporating as much as I can about the workings of our government and geography of our country - half the time she doesn't even know I'm doing it. I even have an app for her to practice basic math skills that rewards her with video clips about marine mammals, because she loves animals but not subtraction. Start with what you know she likes or is curious about, and use it to teach the things she needs to learn. And remember that she doesn't need to learn them on the same schedule as the public school kids, she will get all those skills down eventually and it isn't worth wearing both of you out fighting to try to do it the "right way".

Just so you know, I am not a professional teacher or expert. Just a mom in a similar situation sharing what works for me. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more, or just a sympathetic ear. Also feel free to ignore all of this advice if it isn't helpful.

I don't homeschool, but I do remember having to literally sell my son on the value of certain academic skills when he was young. Despite how smart he is, some things came hard for him, and what he needed was a reason that would make him want to dig in and overcome the difficulty. If he couldn't see a reason that matched a personal goal of his, he was completely uninterested in exerting himself to learn the skill.

ASD kids are very logic based. It is hard to get them to do things that they do not logically see value in.

So, I recommend becoming a great sales person. Figuring out what motivates your daughter, and then selling to that motivation.

I'm an adult and it is difficult for me to do something I see no logical value in.