What can I do to help my autistic child at home?

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Hi short story is my son who is almost three is almost certainly autistic, the problem is I currently live in a country where there is basically no resources or even anyone to diagnose autism. We are working on getting back to the USA for him to get better treatment. This is a quick overview:

http://www.aactionautism.org/node/161

My son has a vocabulary of less than ten words, he only uses them when he wants something. He won't make eye contact and with strangers or in public he covers his eyes to avoid eye contact. He spends most of his time lining up his toy cars or other objects and wanting to watch his favorite kid's movies or running back and forth in the house. He uses our hands as "tools" instead of asking us to do anything, or shouting "BEE BEE BEE BEE BEE" repetitively. I could go on but it is amazing how much he lines up with symptom lists. Our private pediatrician here told us to return to the USA because while she believes he most likely is autistic she doesn't feel qualified to diagnose him, and she knows of no one here who diagnoses autism to refer us.

We had his hearing tested at a ENT physician and his hearing was normal, we were sent there because he ignores anyone aside from us his parents and half the time he ignores us too. People were assuming he was deaf.

Anyway to get to the point of my question I was wanting to know what we could do right now today to help him at home, I have read about using picture flashcards to help him communicate his wants and needs. So I have been making him a set and trying to get him used to using them, pictures like "milk" and "shoes".

Are there any other ways we could help him at home? I try to take him out as much as humanly possible to expose him to people and other children, in fact he has improved well. Although like taking him to a park he plays "along" the other children but not with them, but they don't notice.

I want to be able to help him any way I can right now before we return to the USA, I'd appreciate any tips anyone can offer.

Thank you.

I'm sure there is lots you can do. ASC differs so much from one person to another that you are probubly best making a list of what you feel the challanges are and finding solutions. Based on what you've mentioned a few of the things I can think of off the top of my head are...

Talk for him. Like when he indicates that I he want's a cup of milk you might say, "Can I have milk please." My son was non verbal until he was 4 and his first sentences were echoing mine. Now he's ten and people can't beleive he was ever non-verbal.

Making sure that he has social contact is good, but I think doing things in small doses is the best. Like being interactive with one or two kids, if this is possible, rather than a group. I tried to do play groups with around ten kids, but it was tramatizing. If I had it to do again I would do something small, simple and consistant.

You can play iphone games with eye contact. Look in my eyes

Create a sensory pack that will help deflect all the outside stimulous when you're out in public. Making the world feel safer may help him to let more of it in on his own time. This is esspecially good if he seems to have anxietiy or respond badly to being out too much.

I only really know what I've been through myself as a person on the spectrum and a mom to a boy with ASC. Like I said we're all differnt. I know my son also struggled with toileting and sleep. Don't know if those things are issues for your son too? I'm happy to share more if you want.

Best of luck.

My son also had a speech delay and I found two techniques very helpful... verbal behavior and floortime. Verbal behavior (even though it has the name "verbal in it) will work with picture cards or signing as well. What I liked about verbal behavior is that it encouraged my son to talk without making him frustrated. Floortime is focused on just encouraging interactions and learning through play. You can look them up on line and will probably get more information than I could possibly type - actually probably more information than you even know what to do with When we had early intervention and speech services in the US, these were techniques that our therapists used too.

KateUher - I love your picture!

Thank you for the info, yes my son also has issues with sleep and potty training. He sleeps very little, we put him to bed and have to actually lay down with him and hold him to keep him in bed. He often stays up babbling or going BEE BEE, and can end up sleeping less than 6 hours a day! Then if he does fall asleep he can wake up in the middle of the night screaming and refusing to open his eyes, we hold him and comfort him but he just keeps screaming sometimes for an hour before falling back asleep. Also every morning when he wakes up he screams and cries, leaves the bedroom and comes into the living room or kitchen where we are and flops down crying for about 10-20 minutes. Trying to hold him and comfort him doesn't work, just makes him more angry.

We never had luck with toilet training and tried everything, the only thing that worked was when we had another boy here who peed in the toilet and my son watched him. Then for a while he was peeing in the toilet, but then he stopped and now takes off his diaper to pee on the floor and nothing we can do seems to work. He never pooped in the toilet, and now he removes his diaper to poop on the floor.

I am absolutely sick of strangers making comments or criticizing because they feel like we should be handling him like a typical child, like we should not hold him and instead should scold him and he should listen (he doesn't of course). "You have to hold him?! Don't you have any control of that child, just tell him NO and make sure he knows you mean it!" I feel like telling them ok you try scolding him, lets see how it goes.

Look for youtube videos that demonstrate Floortime, and books by Stanley Greenspan.

Also read It Takes Two to Talk, which has techniques for encouraging language development.

oh my gosh. I feel your pain. I had a long strugle with getting my son to toilet train. With the toilet he seemed almost terrified. He was actually a mild mannered child until I would try to coax him into the restroom. I ended up getting a plastic potty and putting it in our living room. I hated that, but I didn't know what else to do. I would then take him every hour - 90 min. I just set a timer and we would go sit there. He could watch Thomas the tank on TV while sitting and if something came out I gave him a small reward. I found star charts did not work. He wanted instant gradification so that was fine. But because of the schedual I couldn't do anything else with my day. It seems like one summer I just made that my one and only mission and adventually he got it. After he'd been going in his potty for a few months I moved that into the loo and then got his a Thomas the tank kid's seat for the toilet and that was that. He was 4 when he toilet trained for wees.

Poos are another story. Getting that right took meds and just constant effort. My best friend very kindly explained that I just didn't expect enough of him. Anyway.... I think poos can be influenced by gut issues, because my son was constapated from infancy. It has always been a thing and I think he just knew that it hurt so he objected to going. He was in nappies for that reason until he was 7.

For bedtimes I had to lie down with him. He, at no point in his life, would willingly sleep without me. I tried leaving him to "self sooth" I ended up sitting in the living room listening to him cry for hours and feeling like a monster. I finally thought I don't care what anyone else thinks this isn't right for my son. After that I was sleeping next to him. I would try to reduce stimulous in his day, I would try to read to him in a soothing voice. He still wouldn't drift off before midnight. When he was almost three my GP said I could give in .5mg of melitonin. Doing this the first time felt weird. People always think giving any kind of sleep aid to a kid is shocking but it changed my life. He still wanted to be with me though and if he woke up and found out he was alone he screamed.

Finally when he was 8 I put a small TV in his room and let it run quietly throughout the night. He slept in his own bed after that. hallelujah. When he was ten he was on 5mgs of melitonin and I didn't want to raise it anymore so when that stopped working for him I decided to take him off of it. He then regulated his own sleep schedual. I think he had one or two all nighters but it wasn't as bad as I had expected. Now he usually goes to sleep between 10-12 and get's up for school. I didn't want to be one of those mom's who lets their kid have a TV in their room, but I made compramises.

So I don't know if any of that helps. Everyone is differnt (parents and childern) so it may be that it doesn't, but at least know that you are not allone. And another thing I've compramised on is lieing. I think when you're in a situation where everyone else is judging you it's okay just to lie (if you can) because really they aren't going to understand the trueth anyway. Stay strong.

You got some really good advice. I would also add that I think it would be a good idea to make sure that he has an emotional vocabulary at least receptively. Show him what emotions look like in cartoon form, on pictures, on real people's faces. I wished I had known what I was doing and had done this earlier. When he is angry or sad or scared (and you can tell) let him know. Many autistic children have trouble understanding and managing emotions even after acquiring speech. The earlier a start you can get on it, the better.

A year ago I did exactly what you are saying, returned to the US from living abroad to get better services.

One think my son likes is YouTube videos. Vidoes designed to help ESL (English as a Second Language) can help with vocabulary and communication.

In fact, my son likes those types of videos so much that we started making our own.

http://www.youtube.com/user/TheKidsPictureShow

I have 3 kids, 2 of whom are on the spectrum (boy-10, girl-3) and one with sensory processing disorder (girl-7). I have found that trying to be proactive and doing what I can to avoid triggers that can cause meltdowns helps. Like my oldest was not into loud, noisy birthday parties for a few years. Bring snacks to avoid hunger issues, or if you are somewhere that does not have any food items he likes. Now, that my older two are 7 and 10, we enforce the try one bite first rule, but my three year old will not be reasoned with yet.

I like the suggestion of verbalizing for him too. I try to do that with my 3 year old who is just now having a language explosion and improving communication, and yes, a lot of what she says are my words, but she is using them mostly correctly. Like if she would drag me to the fridge I would ask if she wanted juice or yogurt, then repeat when she pointed what she wanted.

Another thing is use the special interest to teach things. My little one is way into my little ponies, as her older brother was into Thomas trains at that age, and you can use those to teach sorting, colors, counting, etc. We also got books with the special interest to keep them interested in reading or being read to depending on age.

Don't know what sort of sensory issues he may have, but some helpful things with my kids have been swinging, sandbox or rice to play in, play doh,an exercise ball to sit on when they get wiggly, wrapping up Ina bear hug and then letting them break out, using a motorized spin toothbrush and brushing their skin with a really soft bristled brush.

As,far as potty training, none of mine would till they were ready...closer to age 4. My little one now will sit and sometimes go, but not tell me she needs to. I just keep trying again every couple of months. My middle one I actually tried pressuring her more, and it so backfired! She would sit there on the toilet for 20 minutes, hold it in, then purposely pee on the floor. She also had poop accidents in underwear until age 5. She is doing really well now in second grade though.

Good luck to you!

This message is in some ways heartbreaking to read, but from some of the things I have read, I think the prognosis is actually pretty good.


My son has a vocabulary of less than ten words, he only uses them when he wants something."

Ten words is quite a lot. I heard that Einstein didn't speak until he was three. He uses words when he wants something. This is presumably why and how language developed. The key here is to find out what he is interested in and to engage him. Personally I would probably not use flash cards. I would concentrate on tactile experience.

What do you think he is indicating when he shouts BEE? Bee Bee sounds like baby, and that is probably what it is meaning to him is my guess. How old was he when the other child was born?

That he sits side by side with other children and plays is very good. I would do this as much as possible, and when he is home I would sit side by side with him on the floor and kind of mirror what he is doing, such as play trains by his side. I would take shifts with your husband and probably do it all the time.

The refusal to be potty trained and going on the floor does seem to me to be a way of acting out. I would use positive reinforcement with this one, such as perhaps only let him watch t.v. when he goes in the toilet. I do not think the t.v. is such a good idea right now anyway. This is an important year for him developmentally, between three and four. I would consider very strictly limiting that activity, if not even removing it temporarily from the home. I do understand that him watching t.v. is probably a big relief for you, as of course it would be with all you are going through.

Re the covering of his eyes in public, when you are at home mirror that: play peek a boo. It is very fun:-) .Pretend he is two instead of three, a two year old who still wants to be a baby.

Get him engaged in tactile experience, such as baking with you or playing with clay or lego.

I would like to know more about his relationship with the younger child--the age difference, etc., as I suspect that is behind some of this.

Please do not let anyone put him on any kind of drugs, even if they say it will be helpful.

Check him out for food allergies. You can do it yourself. The first thing I would experiment removing from his diet is wheat.

Personally when he cries in the night I would not take him into bed.

I think later in the thread I read some of this stuff I am mentioning. Also, I would not allow him to run in the house.

Hope some of this is helpful. Maybe I will write some more later. This advice is kind of off the wall, but I used to be a preschool teacher and also have kind of an instinct for helping a kid like this, or at least so I like to believe....

Hey I want to thank everyone for the advice, I did not abandon this thread I just have been very busy lately and could not come back to read and post.