Ideas for supporting him through BIG changes?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi all! Our family is moving into a new house this summer which also means that we will be attending a new school in the fall for 2nd grade. DS has formed some pretty strong attachments to the Spec Ed teacher, his classroom teacher, his aide and others at the current school. He has even established some relationships with some of his peers. So I am anticipating that the end of this school year and the beginning of next school year are going to be tough. I have some ideas already about how to help him get through these big changes that are coming up in the next few months but I would love to hear from anyone here who has ideas about helping ASD kids cope with major life changes. He is a very high anxiety kiddo so I will be looking to do as much as I can to mitigate his stress.

Thanks!

My solution to school problems is always the same - home school. HS provides a much better education and in less time, without all of the nasty social issues. Oh, how I wish that I had been home schooled!

Cut him as much slack as you can, and let him enjoy as many sensory pleasures as possible.

For me, I'd take a lot of long walks, and eat steak and cheese subs and ice cream. And crunchy things. Eating crunchy things is strangely satisifying. (Potato chips, Jordan almonds, etc.) I'm not suggesting these exact things will help him, just trying to give you an idea.

You have likely already thought of this, but make sure to maintain the routines and activities that you do separately from school. Also, do some play, if he likes to, to very gradually and easy-casual offer the idea of houses. Plural. Not suggesting anything about them at all, just either draw them, or build them with blocks, or form with clay, etc. then when you move, keep playing the same way, so as to maintain the idea.
I don't know, it may not be a valid thing to do. I happen to be visual and comforted by little objects, so I just thought it'd be a way to introduce the idea as well as the activity with you might be comforting.

We've had to move with our kids and what helped was
A) visiting the new location if possible with them, showing them positives about the new place before the move and getting them familiar with it
B) letting them know they can maintain contact with their friends/ teachers through Skype, email and even visits etc.. (if this is possible for you)
C) reassurance that you are all going together. Yes, you will all feel anxious and sad to leave, but you are taking this adventure together as a family and you will all help each other out.

It's always hard to move but hopefully he will settle into his new life quickly, get great new teachers and new friends.
Good luck

Thanks for the ideas! I'm thinking of trying to arrange the furniture in his room at the new house the same as it is at our house now. He could build houses with legos, maybe even build a classroom! I like the idea of making it into a family adventure!

We moved before my son entered school, so I don't have experience of changing schools and moving at the same time. We went to visit the house every weekend (I do not know if that is feasible for you--if not, take multiple pictures and show them regularly.) We did switch schools when he "graduated" from early childhood center to elem. I would have him visit the school in advance, if you can. If that is not possible, take pictures of the outside at least. Maybe make a nice visual sheet with information about the school and the neighborhood, plus a social story. When you settle in, at least drive him past the school occasionally on your way to places, etc. That was what we did.

This may not apply to you or be a good idea for you, because you have school to worry about, also. When we moved, though, it was such a big change that we lumped in some other related things to be changed at the same time. That was when we got him to stop co-sleeping, and sleep in his own room, which was a big deal. We could not achieve that at the old place. It required a "new start" and since he was going to be sleeping in a different room anyway, why not his own? (I scaffolded it and slept in his room on the floor for quite awhile, so it was as smooth a change as I could make it.)

I am rambling, but anyway, by all means keep the good routines going, but you might think if there is anything you would like to see that seems to be a natural progression as a new start that goes along with a move. Otherwise, as others said, stay the course on everything else.

We read a lot of books about moving. This one is still my favourite:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/When_Grove ... ame_Street.
I also let them fill a big backpack with their favourite toys and objects. They packed it about a week before the move, so if they wanted to play with those toys I would remind to put them back right afterwards. The backpack travelled with them rather than getting "lost" with the other furniture and things, so it was safe, and they seemed to like the idea of their toys "living" in a backpack for a while. But this might just be because one of our kids' traits was to like to put objects in bags.
J.

We were "lucky" in that our son was too scared to leave his room in the dark. (He still is.) So our problem was just getting him to be OK starting off there, and not changing his mind about it. (It still was not easy, and as I said, it took moving to accomplish this.) When he woke up during the night, he would call for me (still does--but rarely) and I would soothe him to sleep and go back to my room after he was solidly asleep.

Given that your son is a willing wanderer, that makes it harder. I wonder if you bought one of those mattress toppers and put it on his bed, maybe a new fluffy pillow, or at least if you got him some special interest related bed linens, and made his bed "special" if in conjunction with the move that you might be able to do it. When he tries to get in bed with you (even if you are super sleepy) tell him how cool his room and bed are and take him back, and just get him into a new habit. It is worth a try.

When DS moved to middle school, we were fortunate that he had a friend there already - we arranged for a "shadow" day, where he could follow his friend through the school day but not actually feel like he had to participate.

We also make sure as much as possible that he gets to meet his teachers and see his classroom ahead of time - in fact, it's in his IEP.

Basically, as much preparation as you can do would be helpful. Maybe take a camera on a walkthrough of the school, so he can look at the pictures whenever he wants?

We have some big changes this summer too. Moving countries, starting 1st grade, etc. My son sounds similar to yours--I think I've had that thought before.

We are making a memory book. I bought a nice art pad/journal--kind that has hard cover and is ring bound. I bought a set of really nice colored pencil crayons. I am having everyone draw/design a page for him: his therapist, his adult friends, his kid friends. So, he has a book of happy memories and pages to help him feel the love of people he may miss. (Hoping it helps, and doesn't make him too sad. But no matter what he will feel sad and I think it's healthy for him to have something to hold/remember/look at when he feels that way.)
I don't have time to make a book, so this means everyone else is making it for him. I just have to remember to take it with us over the next month wherever we go and have people write/draw in it!

Also, as others said, showing lots of pictures of our new place. Watching video shows on YouTube about the new area. Talking a lot about exciting things we may do there. Even talking about things we may not like, but why that will be ok.

I will also be looking forward to hearing people's ideas!

Another thing I did for my son - give him scripts to meet new people. He didn't meet anyone for the first few days of school, but some of his friends did and he felt awful. Finally, he started drawing his special interest and a kid came over and talked to him about it. We've figured out that drawing about his special interests and sharing the drawings is a good way for him to meet other kids, but your kid may have his own way. DS used to be great at making friends - superior to NT kids, in fact - but had a harder time maintaining relationships. He lost some confidence recently, so we had to do some scripting and practice.

If you can figure out if there's any way to connect your child with other kids in the school via his interests, that will probably be the best solution. Sometimes the local library can be a resource for finding other like-minded kids. Otherwise, see if you can figure out where the kids his age from his school hang out - which parks, etc. and try to see if you can meet some of them there (and their parents, who can be allies in finding the kids whose interests match)

I feel so fortunate to have WP as a resource to come to for great ideas! Thank you all. He has been asking for a "Chillow" so that may be a good idea for something to have at the new house that will hopefully help keep him in his own bed and make his new room special for him! I found at Target a while back little photo books on clearance. Each one holds about 20 3X5 pictures. I knew when I saw them they would come in handy so I bought like 5 or 6 of them. They are going to be perfect for pictures of both old and new school and house. We took the camera to school today and he was very excited to start taking pictures of his friends and teachers. The pictures are going to be very helpful.