I have to fire my son's Section 28 worker

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Ugh, this is making me sick to my stomach. I could tell you stories that would make you cringe, but I'll spare you.

But now, my son will think I'm mean (at least) for taking away his friend (that was one of her problems - major boundary issues), we're going to have to interview for a new worker, we'll have a new person coming into the house and disrupting things. It's going to be a big mess.

It's just stressful and horrible. And there's no question I'm the one who is pulling the plug on her. As a matter of fact, last month she pulled a stunt that should have had her automatically terminated by the company who provides her, but I told them that when she wasn't screwing up she was great with my son and I'd prefer her to do more training and stay with my son. And they allowed her to stay. Truthfully, it would have been more traumatic for my son had she left for good right then. But I wouldn't be the one having to do the firing.

I'm sure that everything will work out fine. I'm just venting a bit. But ugh, ugh, ugh.

I'm sorry. What a mess for you AND having to be the badguy. =(

Thank you.

There are so many things that should have been the last straw. That's the other thing I'm beating myself up over - I should have done something ages ago. It's just gotten to the point that she's unprofessional. Every day something happens that makes me question her judgement. And she comes right out and questions my parenting.

For example, once she was telling my 11 year old son, in detail, about the R rated movie she saw the night before, and when I told her not to talk about it with my son, she gave me about 6 reason why it was a good thing for him to talk about it with him. Hello, I'm the mother, if I don't think he should be discussing R rated movies with someone, especially someone who's working with him, then that shouldn't be questioned. Yesterday she took him swimming - which would be fine, if she had brought a bathing suit. They both came home drenched, they had been gone for 3 hours, who knows how long he was galavanting around in wet clothes. I was just stunned. Maybe with a relative you would do something like that, but when you're being paid to model appropriate behavior to a child, I just don't see how that fits in. I'm looking forward to the next 50 times my son wants to go swimming without changing his clothes, and when I say no, for him to argue that it's okay because he did it before with no problem.

Like I said, I could go on and on. I started prepping my son for the change. Actually, I told her what she told me: that she has issues with her dog and that has to be her priority (!) so he might have to have a substitute for a little while. She's skipped so many sessions that I've been warned that our Section 28 coverage is going to be cut since we aren't using all the approved services.

I keep saying to myself, this is going to get better. I'm nervous because he had a BHP before who was a burn out case and it was a disaster. And it takes so long for a new one to be approved, I don't want him to go weeks or months without a new one. Then again, maybe he can just have the rest of the summer off and start the new year with a new BHP, get all the hits from changes at once.

See, driving myself nuts again...

She sounds horrible. You do not have to feel bad for taking care of your son. I wouldn't lie to him, but you don't have to emphasize the fact that she was fired. She is the one who made the bad choices, as we would say to our kids, right? Maybe as you say, talk about how her dog really needs her, and that you need to find someone who will be better for him, that has more time to take care of him.

Thanks again for the support.

Still guilty about this.

She has requested a week off for vacation a month from now, and it has been decided that that's when she'll stop working with my son. That will give them a month to find someone new, which can be tricky. They haven't told my son's worker. Their policy is to give a 2 week notice of the end of an assignment.

Well, today, miss I-have-no-boundaries told me that if she didn't have a second job (working with my son) she couldn't afford cable, or her phone bill, or probably make her car payment. I feel terrible. More terrible.

And again today she was completely dismissive of me. She wanted to take my son swimming again, and at least this time he wore a bathing suit, but when I kept trying to send the off with a change of clothes she said she "had plastic for her car" and that they would just be outside the whole time anyway. I'm sick of fighting over it, but as his mother, she should have complied with my request that he change out of his wet suit after swimming.

Yes, she needs to go, but, man, I don't have the stomach for being responsible for the firing.

It sounds like she knows you are not happy and is trying to guilt you already or maybe someone at the agency gave her a heads up?

I would hate this too, but if she is not a good fit, she is not a good fit.

I'm pretty sure she has no clue. She's always beyond shocked when she gets constructive criticism. First of all, she tends to gloss over it and forget about it. Then whenever anyone says, here's where you need to improve, instead of saying got it, she says, but I was doing really great. And there are things that she does that are fantastic. But then, no.

This should have been the last straw, but I was in such shock it took the next thing to tip the camel. About 10 days ago she took my son to the library. There was some sort of tech problem, and he had a meltdown. He tried to use all the techniques she had taught him - walk away, calm down and come back to it later - but she got mortified because it happened in a public place and jumped all over him, telling him he had to apologize to everyone, dictating 10 things he had to do right then and there, etc. He told her to back off, then he told her to shut up, and then finally he told her he was going to commit suicide. She still wouldn't stop harping. After he made the threat, then she said she would have to call the police if he said it again.

I can't tell you how livid I was. She point blank didn't do her job. And she was more concerned about everyone else, including herself, than my son, which it was her job for him to be her number one priority. And when he tried to do what he was trained to do, she completely undermined it. As far as the suicide thing, yes, I have to call that in to the therapist on call to see if he needs immediate evaluation. She doesn't call it in, she calls her boss.

When she was telling me about it, she kept changing her story. She'd just leave out details, or change the order around. When I asked her why she said she'd call the police "if" he threatened again - no, there is no if you do it again, you do it once you get it called in - she said, "well, I've seen you do it before." No, she's seen me remind him when he's getting wound that that's what will happen if he goes there, as a deterrent because he's had evaluations and he thinks it's a waste of time, and so he knows I know he's really upset and he doesn't have to pull that trigger to get my attention. Which is what he was trying to do with her. She just couldn't see the difference, between catching him before he does something and waiting until afterward.

There is no question she has to go. But I still feel bad about it.

I would not feel too bad. That last anecdote was really bad.

Yeah, she completely undermined the training he has been going through for the past year. Although it was fantastic that he tried the techniques. And eventually he will have to learn to ignore people harping at him and stick up for himself. Though he's not ready for that.

You are not responsible for her firing. She is.

If she did not repeatedly dismiss you, you wouldn't be firing her.

You are not dismissing you. She is.

She is responsible for the fact that she is being fired.

You are also not responsible for her inability to pay her bills, and chances are the reason she has no other job is probably the same reason that she will soon not have your job.